


Restrictions

by Anime_or_scifi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: ARFID, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Awkward Sex, Body image insecurities, Chubby! Eren, Eating Disorder, First Time, Fluff, Frottage, Levi being boyfriend of the year, Low Self Esteem, M/M, Mikasa is Levi's sister in this one, More tags to be added, Rating will go up, S.E.D., Skippable Smut, Very mild starvation, Vomiting, a bit of angst, flustered dorks, more angst to be added, near anxiety attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 04:14:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 67,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8272402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anime_or_scifi/pseuds/Anime_or_scifi
Summary: Eren has had to live with a scarcely understood eating disorder for most of his life. Coping with it is hard enough, but when he lives his life meeting no one else who shares his struggles or comprehends what he goes through, he finds it difficult to function. He wants to be understood.Levi works at a bakery and is hopeless when it comes to dating. His awkwardness tends to drive people away, but he's had his eye on a customer that keeps coming back. He wants to be appreciated.(An ARFID/ S.E.D. awareness fic)





	1. Not My Taste

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! I will be writing this fic as a means to bring awareness to a disorder I've had to live with for basically my entire life. This entire fic will be based around my own experiences to give people an idea of what it's like to live with ARFID and how to go about things when you meet someone who has it. (Don't worry, there will still be tons of ereri/riren goodness!!) 
> 
> I sincerely hope everyone enjoys this and reads it with an open mind. The first chapter is a bit all over the place because I had so much ground work to cover, but all future chapters will be much better, I promise! 
> 
> Enjoy!

20 years ago~

 

Eren swung his dangling legs, occasionally kicking the bottom of the kitchen table, much to his parents annoyance. The smell of the steamed vegetables in front of him had him nearly getting sick. He sat under the expectant stare of his mother and father, wishing they'd just excuse him from the table already. He'd already eaten a slice of bread before dinner, what more could they want from him? 

"Go on, Eren," his father urged him. "You are not leaving this table until you eat at least six pieces of your pork and all of your vegetables." He knew better than to ask his son to clear his plate, he was starting to get used to this behavior. So, he compromised by asking him to only eat a portion of his dinner, just so he'd eat something.

Eren shoved his plate away to at least take care of the offensive odor. 

His father sighed in agitation. "Look, I'll even cut it up for you." He took Eren's plate in front of him and cut away, leaving six small pieces of meat in the center before setting it back in front of Eren. "There, and they're tiny pieces. Eat up."

Eren hesitantly sat forward to inspect his father's work. He scrunched up his nose at the sight. "You left the squishy parts."

His father leaned over to see what on earth he was talking about. "You mean the fat? Eren, that's the best part."

"It's gross," Eren argued.

"Sweetheart, you should eat it before it gets cold," his mother suggested, taking a bite of her own food. 

"I don't want to!" Eren said defiantly. "I don't like it! I'm not hungry!" 

"Just eat it and get it over with," his father begged. "Start on your vegetables, you haven't had string beans before. You might like them."

Eren considered his words, glaring at the beans and picturing himself eating them. It had only lasted a few seconds before he had to think about something else to keep himself from gagging. "I don't like them," he determined.

His father looked at him incredulously. "How could you know? You've never had them. Just try them."

Eren shook his head furiously. "I don't like them!"

"Eren, you need to eat food that's good for you. You can't only eat junk food all the time," his mother told him.

"If you you don't eat food that's good for you, you'll grow up to be very sick," his father said. "Is that what you want? To be sick all the time?"

"No," Eren muttered.

"Then eat this food."

"No!" Eren shouted, shoving his plate away.

His parents gave heavy sighs. He only glared at his plate as if it had personally did him wrong. His father stood up, taking his empty dishes with him. "You do not leave this table until you've eaten the pieces and your vegetables," he repeated solemnly.

 

~

 

As much as Eren argued, he was all bark and no bite. He may have refused to eat what he was told, but in fear of the possible consequences, he did exactly as he was asked and stayed at the table, having yet to take a single bite of his food that had long since gone cold. He hugged his knees to his chest, feeling the hunger that had settled in long ago. 

He had waited until his father had went to bed and until his mother had left to brush her teeth, to climb down from his chair escape to his bedroom. After shutting his door, he switched on his shark nightlight, shut off the main light and leapt into his bed. He hoped that his mother wouldn't notice his absence as he pulled up the covers and turned away from the door to pretend he was sleeping in case she came in to make him go out and finish his food. 

He laid there, wide awake for what felt like hours to him, but in reality was most likely twenty minutes. It wasn't long before he heard the creak of his door and the quiet shuffles of feet coming into his room. He scrunched his eyes shut, gripping his blankets for dear life, hoping that whoever it was wouldn't make him eat his cold food. 

He felt the dip of the bed as they sat down, and soon, a hand set upon his shoulder, gently urging him to wake up and face them. "Eren," his mother's soft voice called. "Sweetie, wake up."

He rolled over, pretending to yawn and faced her warily. "Hm?"

His mother sighed and helped him sit up. "I brought you some bread and butter." She handed him a small plate with two slices of bread. "You can't keep eating like this, but I can't stand the thought of you going to bed without any food."

Eren eagerly took the bread from her, stuffing his mouth happily.

Carla let out a heavy breath. "I'm not going to do this forever. I'm tired of making two different meals every night, you're going to have to start eating normally again. Tomorrow I'm taking you grocery shopping with me and we'll pick out foods that you like but are still good for you. You're not going to just eat bread and French fries all your life, do you understand?"

Eren slowed his chewing and avoided her gaze. 

"Understand?" She repeated more sternly.

"... Yes," Eren mumbled. 

Eren hoped that he'd grow to like more things. He hoped that one day he'd find more foods that would keep him healthy. He really hoped so, for his sake and for his mother's peace of mind.

 

Present Day~

 

Eren trudged out of his bedroom and into his kitchen, rubbing at his face to will away his exhaustion. He hated mornings, especially when it came time to eat the only breakfast he could make for himself fast enough to still have time to get ready for work. 

Clicking down two slices of bread into his toaster, he turned to his fridge and cabinets to fish out the butter and garlic salt that he'd later put on his toast. Once his setup was finished, he went on to get himself a morning beverage. 

Returning to the fridge, he pulled out a bottle of Coca Cola and started pouring it into a mug. He needed the caffeine to wake himself up properly, and since he'd never tried tea and he found coffee to be disgusting, this was the only option he'd consider. 

Taking a swig of his drink, he tended to his toast as it popped up and slathered on the butter, and finished it off with a light sprinkle of garlic salt. He could practically see his mother having a heart attack if she saw him eating this for breakfast, let alone having it everyday for breakfast. Then again, he would be the one more likely to have a heart attack, since he was the one eating such horrible things. But he'd long since stopped caring, it wasn't like there was anything he could do about it. 

After finishing what he calls his breakfast, he moved on to the bathroom to brush his teeth and do every other essential thing in there. While in the process of applying his deodorant, he eyed the scale in the corner of the room. He briefly weighed out the pros and cons and decided against stepping on it. It was rare for his weight to fluctuate and frankly, he was tired of seeing a disappointingly high number at his toes. 

Hopping out of the bathroom, he ran back into his room to change out of his pajamas and into clothes suitable for work. Settling for jeans, a light blue button up shirt and a vest, he slipped on his shoes, grabbed his keys and headed out the door.

 

~

 

Eren had a bit of a walk between the parking lot to the place where he worked, which gave him an opportunity to look through the windows of the shops he passed, occasionally finding something that caught his eye. Even better, there was a little bakery a couple buildings down from where he worked that he'd been going to since he was little and therefore felt safe enough to get one of the many things they offered. 

Slowing down as he came close to the bakery, he took a deep breath to steady himself. Out of all the years he'd been going to this bakery, it seemed as if only one thing had changed. The new employee who'd just started working there for the past few months. Apparently the kind, elderly lady who had usually checked him out at the cash register had moved away and her replacement was a man around his age who had grown a little skeptical of him buying the same exact thing nearly everyday. And Eren had never been so insecure around a stranger in his life. 

Eren walked through the door of the bakery and sure enough, the new employee stood there at the register with his head resting on his palm. "Hey, Eren," he greeted him, sending him an obligatory smile.

"Hi, Levi," Eren mumbled back. The man had worked there for three months, they were bound to figure out each other's names eventually. He waddled up to the counter, hating how he could never read Levi's thoughts and letting himself believe that the employee silently judged him for his habits. "I'd like—"

"Let me guess," Levi interrupted, standing up straight. "Two peanut butter cookies?" He smirked at Eren and lifted an eyebrow in question, knowing he was right.

"Yes, please," Eren muttered, averting his gaze. He took his wallet out of his pocket and counted the right amount to give him while he packed his sweets into a paper bag.

"You come in here, like, everyday," Levi pointed out, setting the cookies on the counter. "Do you live close by or something?"

"Um, no. But I work a couple doors down at the boutique," Eren answered, handing Levi his money. 

Levi nodded, taking the dollar bills and pulling out Eren's change. Once he handed him everything, he decided it couldn't hurt to tack onto the conversation a bit. "You know, you should try something else sometime. Could be a nice break from the peanut butter cookies. You must get sick of them."

Eren made an unsure noise in the back of his throat. "Yeah, maybe in the future." He knew full well that he'd never change his order. He turned on his heel and headed to the door to leave.

"Eren," Levi called just as he was about to exit.

"Hm?" Eren turned with the door opened halfway.

"I put an extra one in there for you today," Levi stated, resuming his position from when Eren had first entered.

Eren was taken aback. He glanced down at his paper bag, but neglected to actually check. "O-oh... thank you."

"No problem," Levi replied.

Before Eren could get any more flustered, he bolted out the door and speed-walked to the boutique. He sought refuge inside his place of work and headed straight to the back like he did every morning to store his cookies away. Once he settled in, he clipped on his name tag and headed out, ready for work. 

The boutique was a relatively small shop with little room to walk around in, but it was classy and they had a steady stream of customers. It wasn't the most exciting job Eren had ever had, but he didn't dislike it and it paid the bills. 

Calming down from his encounter with Levi, he pulled a broom out of the supply closet and got to sweeping. He found it was better to busy himself with work to distract himself, otherwise his head would be in the clouds all day. 

"Good morning, Eren," his boss, Christa, greeted him, walking through the back door with stock boxes in hand.

"Good morning, Christa." 

"When you're done sweeping, could you be a dear and dust off the casings at the counter?" She asked politely, opening the boxes to set out new pieces of jewelry on their displays.

"Sure," Eren answered. 

"Great. I hope you can handle the shop for a bit, I'm going out to get some donuts and coffee. Do you want anything while I'm out? It's on me."

Eren was grateful he was faced in the other direction so that she couldn't see him roll his eyes. "No, thank you."

"Are you sure?" Christa asked, closing up the now empty boxes. "I'll get you anything you want."

"I'm sure, you go ahead. I'll take care of the shop," he promised.

"Alrighty," Christa sighed. "I'll be back in a bit. Make sure to flip the sign out front when it's opening time." 

"I will."

 

~

 

"Thanks for shopping with us, come again." If Eren had bothered to count, that would be about the hundredth time he'd said that that day as he waved goodbye to who he hoped would be their last customer of the day. 

As soon as they'd left, he let out a weary sigh and slouched against the counter. "God, I can't wait to go home," he complained.

"Got a hot date with some peanut butter cookies?" Christa joked, wiping down the shop windows. 

Eren chuckled. "Yup, just like every night."

"I'm jealous" Christa said. "You get more dates with those cookies than I get in a month. And I've got a fiancé for crying out loud."

"Oh yeah, how's she doing?" Eren inquired as he stood up straight again to crack his back.

"Ymir's doing good. She finally got over that terrible cold she had, thank god. I was getting tired of taking care of her," she said amusedly.

"You guys are engaged, better get used to that," Eren advised. 

"I know, I was only kidding." Christa started smiling fondly. "It's no bother, I love her after all."

Eren sighed, nodding in understanding. "Wish I had a relationship like that," he mused quietly.

"Now, don't you be cheating on your peanut butter cookies with some floozy," Christa teased, wagging her finger at Eren. 

Eren snorted out a laugh. "You have my word." 

Eren nearly groaned when he heard the shop door creaking open, but was then pleasantly surprised to find his friend walking in. "Hey, Armin."

"Hey Eren," Armin greeted him back. "Long day at work?"

"Fuck, you have no idea. My boss is working me to the bone," he groaned insincerely.

"I can fire you if you hate it that much," Christa said from her spot at the windows.

"I guess it's not too bad," Eren was quick to say, making Armin giggle.

"So, when you get off from work, do you wanna head out for dinner and just hang out?" Armin offered.

"That'd be great," Eren beamed. "It's been awhile since we've done that."

"I know, that's why I asked," Armin laughed.

"Don't sass me, Arlert."

 

~

 

After closing up, Eren and Armin headed out the door to find a nearby restaurant. "I already have an idea of where to go, just follow me," Armin said.

Eren hummed in response, walking alongside his friend into the night. 

Eventually, they made it into a part of the town that Eren had little experience in. He tucked up his shoulders and looked around, hoping to find a sign of a chain restaurant he knew in the distance. Armin seemed to know exactly where he was heading and showed no signs of hesitation with his directions. He hoped that he was right to trust Armin as they wandered to god-knows-where. 

Eren's heart rate sped up as Armin's paces slowed. There was no sign of any place Eren was familiar with and he hoped that his friend was pulling his leg.

"We're here," Armin announced, coming to a stop.

Eren felt utter betrayal as he stared up at the sign of some bar and grill he'd never heard of. They'd known each other since they were ten and after all these years, Armin had the nerve to do this to him, being fully aware of Eren's... condition.

"What is this place?" Eren gritted out bitterly, shoving his hands into his pockets. 

"My grandpa recommended it to me. He said the food here is amazing. Come on," he grabbed Eren's elbow to lead him in, only for his friend to remain stationary, glowering at the building ahead of them.

"What do they make here?"

"Food," Armin scoffed. "Now, come on—"

"Did you even look at the menu? What exactly do the serve? Did you—"

"Eren, it'll be fine," Armin assured him, rolling his eyes. "They have to have at least one thing on the menu that you'll like. Most places do."

"That's what you think—"

"We're going." Armin pulled him in by his arm, knowing they wouldn't have gotten anywhere otherwise. They walked through the door and Eren's nostrils were immediately assaulted by some sort of steak being grilled and whatever vegetables that were being fried alongside it. He scrunched up his face, following his friend until they reached the waiting area.

It wasn't long before a waitress had come to Armin, asking him how many needed to be seated. "Table for two," Armin requested. 

The waitress nodded and grabbed two menus before leading them to their table. As they passed the front podium, Eren eyed the children's menus and momentarily regretted not asking Armin to request one just in case. 

They were led to a booth and given their menus, which Eren accepted begrudgingly. Their waitress declared she'd return shortly to take their orders and they were left to themselves.

"You'll find something, don't worry."

Armin's words of encouragement weren't much of aid. Eren flipped through the menu, scanning every dish from front to back, hoping to find anything that he could trust to order.

"Oh, they have fried clams. You like those," Armin pointed out.

Eren grimaced. "I don't know what they look like at this restaurant though."

Armin scoffed. "They'll taste just fine, how they look shouldn't matter."

"But it does," Eren muttered, flipping the page. His eyes had settled upon a dish every so often, but after reading the ingredients or how they were prepared, he'd move on to the next one. 

"They have tomato soup!" Armin chirped. "Wouldn't have expected them to have that. Is that what you want?" He looked up at his friend expectantly with a hopeful grin.

Eren shook his head. "No." He wouldn't eat tomato soup unless it was the one canned brand he was familiar with. Armin knew that, what was wrong with him?

Armin huffed out a sigh. "You're so picky."

Eren dropped his menu to fix Armin with an unimpressed stare. "Really? I haven't noticed."

"Sorry," Armin said, though nothing in his voice proved to be apologetic. "It's just that you've been like this ever since I've known you, I thought you would've grown out of it by now."

Eren felt his pulse racing. He was fed up with hearing things like this from everyone. Especially people like Armin. Often times Armin would seem to understand and comfort Eren through the harder days, but sometimes he'd prove to be just like everyone else. He scowled at his friend from across the table, silently telling him to stop talking. 

"I just think you'd be so much happier if you could eat more food."

"No shit, I've never thought of that."

"Eren, please. I'm trying to help. What if you tried one new food everyday. Just one. And as the days go on you can have a wider range of foods that you can eat in no time."

Eren's nostrils flared. Armin should've known better. If Armin was going to say ridiculous things, then so would he. "What a great idea! A lifetime of having an anxiety attack or vomiting at least once everyday! I'd love that! Sign me the fuck up. Where do I begin?"

"Oh, come on. That does not happen," Armin argued.

"Yes, it does." Eren spat.

"I've never seen it happen."

"Obviously, I don't try food every other day. I don't try things ever, you wouldn't see it." Eren reached the back of the menu, not finding a single thing to eat. "Well... I guess I'm just getting fries."

"You're joking. Just fries?" Armin asked, setting down his menu.

"Yup."

"Again?"

"Yup."

Armin rubbed at his temples while shaking his head. "Fine, get whatever you want."

Once their waitress returned and after they placed their orders (having the waitress give Eren funny but curt look) they returned to their normal conversations.

"I don't want to argue all night. We don't hang out enough, so let's talk about something else." Armin suggested.

"Agreed."

"Good. So, anything interesting happen today?"

Eren pondered it over for a brief moment. "Not much, just worked all day. The usual."

"Mn. Nothing cool happened to me either."

"You work at a library, what do you expect?"

"Hey! One time a cat found its way into the library and it took me and two of my coworkers to usher him out of the science fiction section. If that's not interesting, I don't know what is."

Eren snickered. "Okay, I'll give you that. But how often does that happen?"

Armin avoided making eye contact. "... Not often."

"Exactly, buddy," Eren chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah." Armin waved him off. "What about that new guy at the bakery, was he there again today?"

Eren felt a subtle blush creeping up on his cheeks. "Yeah. He's there everyday."

"Did you ask him out yet?" Armin teased.

Eren scoffed. "Of course not, how creepy would it be if the guy who ordered the same thing literally everyday just randomly went 'hey, wanna go out?' He'd think I was stalking him."

"It's not your fault he just happens to be the only one who checks people out when you stop by. What else is stopping you?"

Their waitress came back with their drinks, which they thanked her for before Eren answered Armin. "I don't know... I just feel like I'm off putting to him. I'm a grown ass man who gets cookies everyday and it definitely shows." He vaguely gestured to his stomach. "And he wouldn't want to go out with me anyways, so there's no use in me trying." Eren always compared himself to others. Compared to Levi, he was so out of shape and appalling. Levi was fit, decently toned and took care of his appearance. Eren was pudgy and occasionally looked scruffy with how he kept his hair.

"What makes you think he wouldn't want to go out with you? Does he say anything that makes you think that? Is he rude to you?" Armin's tone sounded rather defensive, not wanting anyone to treat his friend poorly.

"No, nothing like that. He's really nice to me. Today... he even gave me an extra cookie in my bag. Just because he could, I didn't ask for it."

Armin placed a hand over his heart. "Oh my god, that's practically flirting!" 

"Oh my god, I know!" Eren played along. "I could hear him pining all the way from the boutique!"

The two started laughing at themselves, enjoying their mindless banter. 

"We are ten years old again," Armin chuckled.

"Truer words have never been spoken."

Not long after their laughing session, their food had arrived, almost immediately causing Eren to deflate. He inspected his dish of fries and with great relief, deemed them suitable. Even so, he wish he had more of an option. 

"Would you like to go someplace else after this to make up for it?" Armin asked. "We could go catch a film perhaps."

Eren shook his head. "No, I'm pretty tired. Maybe this weekend we can go do something fun."

"Okay, we'll do that," Armin promised. 

Eren gave him a tentative smile and started eating his fries, bored with the taste he was so familiar with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to dedicate this fic to everyone who urged me to write this. I can't explain how much it meant to me to see so many people wanting to read about this. I've only ever known one person (whom I've met) to ever, not completely understand, but do what they can to understand. And for so many people to encourage me to write this and be eager to learn is overwhelming. I'd especially like to thank my friendo who is normally by beta, but will not be my beta for this fic. They were so open minded and willing to hear how this affects me and with no judgement. And all of this positivity about ARFID awareness is so unfamiliar to me and it makes me so happy.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this! I'm sorry for any errors and my tumblr is dr-s--art. Thanks for reading!!! <3


	2. Sickeningly Sweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren honestly does appreciate the kind gestures people do for him, even if they're unwanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who is already on board with this fic, it means the world to me!!! I hope this is easy to follow and understand, I struggled with writing just how mentally exhausting and terrifying trying new foods is in this chapter, but I'm not sure if I emphasized it well enough. Tell me what you think! Enjoy!

Eren took a deep breath, stepping through the door of the bakery with his nerves making his pulse rate skyrocket. Of course, he was greeted with the same grin he saw every morning. "Hi, Eren," Levi said, noticing his arrival.

"Hey, Levi," Eren replied shyly. He stepped up to the counter, avoiding eye contact. At this point, it started to feel shameful. Buying the same exact thing from the same person, everyday. "I'd like two peanut butter cookies, please." Without looking up to avoid seeing any possible judgment, he pulled out the money he owed and waited for Levi to hand over the paper bag with his cookies inside. 

"If you don't mind me asking, why do you get these everyday?" Levi inquired, pulling the cookies out of their case. "Why not something else?"

"... I like them," Eren mumbled sheepishly. It wasn't exactly a lie.

Levi huffed out an amused breath. "Well yeah, but there's probably other things you like."

'Not really,' Eren would've said if he was in the mood for an extended conversation. "I just like these cookies the most." He needed to be as curt as possible, all he wanted to do was leave. 

"Fair enough," Levi sighed, handing over the bag and taking Eren's money in exchange. Handing back his change, he took a moment to pause. "I put an extra surprise in there for you," he murmured, sending Eren a wink. 

Eren's breath hitched as he took the bag and change, noticing more heft to the bag than there usually was. "Um, you didn't have to..."

Levi only shrugged. "I know."

"Um... thank you." Eren turned on his heel and hurried out the door. He didn't understand why Levi was always being so nice to him for no reason, not that he'd ever complain about it. But as illogical as it was, he couldn't help but feel like this might've been Levi's way of teasing him. Giving him more junk food than he was already paying for, he couldn't possibly understand Levi's motives.

 

~

 

Back at his apartment, Eren sat at his kitchen table and pulled out the contents in his paper bag. His breathing became shaky as he saw what Levi had packed for him. Aside from his peanut butter cookies sat one rather large cinnamon muffin. His chest ached at the sight. Levi was trying to be so kind, he didn't know what he just did.

The cinnamon from the muffin had shaken off in the bag and landed all over his cookies. Of course, that was just his luck. Into the trash the cookies went and he sat back at the table, staring at the muffin. He didn't feel guilty throwing out the cookies, maybe upset that he had to, but not guilty. He had paid for them after all. But the muffin was a gift, he couldn't waste it. And he certainly wasn't going to throw it away or give it to somebody else. What if Levi asked him if he liked it? He dropped his head in his hands, leaning on his elbows in frustration. 

He peered at the muffin through his fingers and sighed heavily. 'I can at least try,' he thought. 'It was meant for me, after all.'

His hand trembled as he reached out for it. "One bite at a time," he reminded himself. He grimaced as he held it, feeling his fingers sink into the wrapper as he lifted it to inspect it. The loose cinnamon at the top immediately put him off. He tried not to envision it feeling like sand in his mouth. 

Bringing it a tad closer to his face, he started pacing his breaths, attempting to calm himself. With it only being mere centimeters away from his lips, he panicked and pulled back, the scent being too present and the texture in his hands unnerving him. Setting it down, he decided to take another route and observe it until he could hopefully trick himself into thinking it would taste good.

'I've eaten muffins before,' he thought to himself. 'This one might not be bad. Though, the last time I had a muffin was years ago, and it wasn't very good.' 

He realized that talking himself into eating it wasn't going to work, as all it did was backfire. He stood to fetch himself a napkin and sat back down, placing it under his jaw. He knew that he couldn't be patient with this process, and the only way to get it down his throat was to force it down whole.

Eren tore the tiniest of pieces off the top, holding up his napkin, shutting his eyes and popped it into his mouth, but it was of no use. As soon as the piece hit his tongue, his gag reflex was triggered and he had to spit it out on his napkin without even having tasted it. He slammed his fist on the table in his frustration, causing it to rattle and shake. His breathing became labored as a result of his lack of success. He blew sharp breaths out of his nose as he threw the napkin on the table as if it had personally offended him. He could feel his heart race quickening even more as his anxiety increased. 

Eren could feel his hands beginning to shake more and more and he shook his head, not wanting to let something so insignificant bring him to his knees. He wasn't going to let food make him weak, so he mustered every bit of courage he had to grab the muffin and take a bite.

As soon as he had a decent amount of food in his mouth, he clamped his free hand over his mouth so he couldn't spit anything out. He chewed with his face crinkling and tried his damnedest to ignore the taste, but the flavor was already overpowering and he could feel his throat constricting. He dropped the muffin to the floor, using his hand to secure the other one in place as reassurance that he'd keep his food in his mouth until he swallowed. Even as the flavor repulsed every fiber of his being, he used every bit of will power he had to force everything down his throat. He had succeeded in swallowing, but even after the food had left his taste buds, the pure panic that rushed through him was too much to bear, and like so many other times, he ended his brave attempt by sprinting for the toilet, emptying his stomach.

 

~

 

The next morning, Eren walked right past the bakery, the shame being too heavy for him to handle facing Levi again. Even if he was to never find out how badly Eren had been traumatized the night prior, he couldn't bring himself to step foot in the bakery.

Eren kept his head low as he marched by the shop windows, hoping to god that Levi didn't see him. He could go a night without his cookies, he'd gone through worse before. Going to work empty handed did however put a damper on his mood. Everyday, he'd have something sweet to look forward to for when he had gotten home, but now he had nothing. So, he had no reason to go to the back and immediately got to work, cleaning things off. 

Christa came out from the back like she did every morning. "Morning, Eren."

"Good morning, Christa," Eren mumbled.

Christa noticed his dejected tone and stopped on her tracks. "Are you alright there?"

"Yeah," Eren lied. "Sorry, I'm just really tired."

Christa nodded in understanding. "Aw, that's too bad. I hope you feel better."

Eren hummed in response. It was going to be a long day. 

 

~

 

"Do you have this in a smaller size?" A customer asked Christa.

Christa looked over at the ring that the customer had in their hands. "Hmm... if we do, it'll be in the back. We'll have to check." She turned around to face Eren as he wiped down one of the counters. "Eren? Could you please look in the back and see if we have this ring in a smaller size?"

Eren looked over at the gold band and nodded. "Sure, I'll be right back." He headed to the back of the store and scanned the wall of stock boxes, finding the one he was looking for in no time. He dug through the box, grabbing the smaller sizes and arranging them on the top for the customer to try on when he came back out.

He walked back into the front of the shop to hear the shop door jingle and a familiar voice.

"Is Eren working today?" It couldn't be him, there was no way.

Sure enough, when Eren peaked through the doorway, he found Levi talking with Christa. He silently begged for her to say he wasn't there, though she had no reason to. His heart lurched as she told him he'd be right out and pointed to the back where he stood. Just as Levi's eyes started to follow the direction of her pointing, Eren ducked back behind the wall in a panic. 

Realizing there was a customer waiting and he had a job to do, he begrudgingly rounded the corner and kept his eyes focused on the customer. Unfortunately, his nerves showed through his tensed shoulders and reddening cheeks. 

Christa grabbed the box from Eren and he tried to send her telepathic messages telling her not to, as that box was the only thing keeping him occupied so he can wouldn't have to talk with Levi. But he was not so lucky. 

"Oh," Christa spoke. "There's a nice gentleman looking for you over there." She directed him to Levi and he knew everything was over for him.

Eren bit his lip, carrying himself over to the counter so something could separate him and Levi while they talked. "C-can I help you?" Eren stammered.

Levi smirked at him. "So, you are in today," he mused. "I wanted to check on you and see if you were okay."

Eren was taken aback, he didn't think Levi'd ever care enough to worry about him. "Oh, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" He asked, laughing nervously.

"Well, it's just that you stop in everyday, and you never showed up. So, I got worried," Levi explained. "Is there anything wrong?"

"No, no!" Eren assured him, waving his hands in denial. "I just... forgot. Sorry about that."

"That's alright," Levi said. "In that case, I brought you a little something." He raised a paper bag from behind his back, offering it to Eren. "Four of your favorite, in case you aren't feeling well."

Eren hesitantly accepted the bag and looked inside and sure enough, four peanut butter cookies sat within. His heart was practically melting at the gesture. "How much do I owe you?" 

"Nothing, they're on me."

"Oh, I can't let you do that," Eren said. "It's no bother, I get them everyday anyway."

"I insist," Levi interjected with a sweet smile. 

Eren avoided making eye contact as butterflies started going around in his stomach. "You really don't need to do this, it's fine."

Levi shrugged. "Well, I can't have our cutest customer going hungry, now can I?"

Eren's tongue became stuck in his throat at Levi's response. This man was going to be the death of him.

Levi waved goodbye and went to exit before stopping at the door. "Oh, and tomorrow's cookies are on me too," he said, taking his leave. 

As soon as Levi was out of sight, Eren hid his face in his hands before taking his cookies to the back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any questions at all, don't be afraid to ask!!! I can't express that enough, the whole point of this fic is for education, (and ereri goodness of course) so if there's something confusing or that you're curious about, just comment your question and I'll do my best to answer whatever you have to throw at me! ^-^
> 
> Sorry for any errors. If you liked this, please leave a comment or kudos, they're greatly appreciated! My tumblr is dr-s--art. Thanks for reading <3


	3. No Room For Dessert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi has been given a wonderful idea on how to ask Eren out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, I don't know why these chapters are so short! I want them to be longer but I can't make it happen:/
> 
> Enjoy!

Levi was settled in at his apartment, lazily flicking through the channels on his television. He'd been waiting impatiently for his sister arrive hours after she'd said she'd be there. After finding nothing that piqued his interest, he decided on watching the news while he sat comfortably on his couch. 

A subtle knock at his door sounded and he pried himself off the cushions to answer it. Once the door was opened, his sister came rushing in with plastic bags in her hands. "Sorry I'm late," she sighed agitatedly as she went to set down the bags on Levi's kitchen table. "I brought Chinese."

Levi shut the door behind her. "What took you so long, Mikasa? Takeout doesn't require hours of your time."

"I know, I know," Mikasa said, frazzled. "I completely forgot that I was supposed to visit, so a half hour after I was supposed to leave I realized it. Then, I had to get ready, which took longer. Then, I decided to bring dinner to make up for it and the owner of the restaurant was giving me a hard time and well... here we are."

Levi sighed, deciding to accept her excuse. "Whatever, let's just eat."

They sat themselves down at the table and started at their dinner, forgetting Mikasa's tardiness. "So, what's been new with you?" Levi inquired.

"Ah, not much," Mikasa began. "I've been thinking about getting some fish so my apartment's less lonely. Some beta fish would be cute."

Levi fixed her with an odd stare. "Don't you have a roommate? And since when do fish make good companions?"

"Well, my roommate's never home and for your information, fish make great companions," Mikasa said as-a-matter-of-factly. "They're tiny and adorable, and it's not difficult to take care of them. You don't need to train them to not piss on the floor, you can't ever lose them, and they love you unconditionally."

Levi thought better of asking her about her last statement. "Fair points. Anything else going on?"

"Not really. Just reading at home and going to work. Nothing overly exciting. What about you? What's going on in world of Levi?"

Levi shrugged. "Same as you, working and chilling at home. Although, there's this guy who stops by the bakery every morning and I've been trying to find a good time to ask him out without it being weird."

"What'd be so weird about it?" Mikasa asked, standing to fetch herself a drink.

"Dunno, just asking a customer out seems taboo," Levi answered. "And I don't even know if he's into men, so there's that."

"You can still ask him out, it couldn't hurt. Have you given him any hints that you like him?"

Levi sat back, taking a break from eating. "Well... sometimes I'll give him extra things with his order. And I called him cute, but that's about it."

Mikasa sat back down, taking a sip of her drink. "What does he do when you did all that?"

Levi shrugged. "When I give him extra food he just hurries out of the shop, but when I called him cute, his face got all red."

"Oo, I think that's a good sign," Mikasa chimed. "You wanna know what I think your problem with dating is?"

"I have a feeling you're going to tell me regardless of my answer."

"You're damn right about that," Mikasa said, pointing her fork at him, before returning to her meal. "I think you need to be more assertive, more forward. You need to quit being subtle and do something that shows that you're interested. How else will he know you like him?"

Levi rolled his eyes, sitting back. "What do you suggest?"

Mikasa leaned on her hand, deep in thought. "Do something special for him, like..." She clicked her tongue, thinking of ideas. "Like, you can bake him something. He comes down to the bakery everyday, so he obviously likes sweets. And you know what they say, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

Levi pondered over the option. "I don't know, that's not really my thing. Plus, I'm not great at baking."

"I could help you. Just try it, what's the worst that can happen? He doesn't get that you're making a move. If I help you bake something, would you want to give it a shot?"

Levi had to admit, he didn't have much to lose if he said yes.

 

~

 

Levi anxiously waited behind the counter, watching the clock as it ticked by to the hour that Eren usually showed up. He couldn't believe he let his sister talk him into this. What if Eren laughed in his face? It was such a sappy idea. Levi considered backing out and giving the cake to someone else to save himself from possible embarrassment.

However, it was too late to back out, seeing as Eren had finally arrived. He needed to make up his mind. 

Just like every other day, Eren came in with his gaze casted downward. Levi adored how shy he could be. "Two peanut butter cookies?" Levi asked before Eren could get a word in. 

Eren nodded meekly, pulling out his wallet. Levi went through the same routine he went through every morning, putting the cookies into a bag and trying not to show how apprehensive he was. He took Eren's payment and delayed giving him his purchase to hand over his offering along with it. His sister had talked him into baking a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and even showed him the easiest way to pipe on a rose with icing. Overall, it looked really neat and tidy, but Levi was more concerned with how it tasted.

Levi took the box containing the cake from under the counter and placed it beneath the bag full of cookies. He slid it all over to Eren. "I, uh... made you something," he said, tapping the box.

Eren's eyes widened. "Huh?"

"I said, I made something for you," Levi repeated, feeling his nervousness increase. 

Eren face turned beet red. "O-oh. Thank you, but why?"

Levi debated whether or not he should keep him guessing or if he should be completely honest. So, he trusted his gut and went all out. "Well, um... I was hoping it would give you an incentive to go out with me?" He explained, sending him a hopeful grin.

A shock went through Eren as the words left Levi's mouth. Could it be that he was hearing things? Since his mind wasn't making sense of anything, he couldn't bring himself to speak.

After he'd been given nothing but silence, Levi thought he'd keep talking to fill in the awkward space. "So, yeah. Would you like to go out to dinner maybe?"

Eren panicked, of course he'd love to go out with Levi, but all he could think of was what would happen if they went to dinner. Would he have a say in which restaurant they went to? Even if he did, how many places were there where he wasn't embarrassed by his order? Could he even eat in front of Levi? "No," he blurted out.

Levi tried not to show his disappointment, but Eren thought he looked absolutely heartbroken. "Alright... sorry about—"

"No, no, no!" Eren backpedalled, holding his hand out. "What I meant was... that I'd love to go out with you. It's just that... dinner wouldn't really work for me." If there was ever a time for the ground to swallow him up, it would be now. 

The wave of relief that washed over Levi was all too noticeable. "Oh," he sighed, smiling. "Okay, what about lunch?"

Eren gave a nervous laugh. "I-I'm sorry, but that really doesn't work either."

"Coffee then?"

Eren was caught between a rock and a hard place. "Uhh... how about we catch a film?"

Levi nodded. "I like that idea."

Eren let out a sigh, glad that they found a happy medium. 

"Great, so would this weekend be alright by you?"

Eren nodded enthusiastically. "Friday night?"

"Sure, I'll come pick you up when you get off of work," Levi said. "I'll see you then."

"Okay." Eren nodded, taking his baked goods, simpering uncontrollably. "I have to get going now."

"Bye, Eren." Levi waved as he walked out the door.

"Bye." Eren left, smiling so widely that his cheeks hurt. He felt like he was on top of the world. 

Heading straight for the back of the shop like he did every morning, he put away his cookies and sat the extra box down on his lap. His curiosity was getting the best of him and he peaked inside, finding the chocolate cake within. He exhaled deeply. Of course it was food. He shook his negative thoughts and allowed himself to be thankful that Levi was kind enough to make him anything at all. As much as he didn't want to, he decided that he'd try it. For Levi. Even though he was certain he'd end up getting sick again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter was okay! I'll try to make the rest longer, I'm not used to writing such short pieces.
> 
> If you liked this, please leave a comment or kudos to let me know! It would be greatly appreciated! I apologize for any grammatical errors. My tumblr is dr-s--art. Thanks for reading! <3


	4. An Early Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi have their first date and Eren goes through struggles he should've predicted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who don't follow my tumblr and didn't know, I went through this major creative block so I couldn't get any work done on any of my fics. That's why this chapter is late. Sorry!
> 
> I hope you enjoy it, regardless. It's not edited, so sorry for any mistakes. Anyways, carry on my wayward sons. (And daughters and all those who don't fit the gender binary)

Eren collected the few foods in his cabinets that wouldn't make him sick if he binged on them. He had to make sure that if he was going to spend a lot of time with Levi, he wouldn't get hungry so he could focus on their time together. He packed everything in his shoulder bag and headed off to work. He briefly considered skipping out on stopping at the bakery, but decided he should go anyway to pick up more food to fill up on.

He walked timidly into the bakery, feigning confidence as he walked up to the counter. "Hi, Levi."

"Hey, cutie," Levi greeted him back. "Same as always?"

Eren blushed at the nickname. "Yeah— actually, I'd like four today instead of two." The more food the better.

"Oh, treating yourself today?" Levi asked, quirking up a brow as he fetched the cookies.

"You could say that." Eren bit his lip anxiously.

"I'll meet you halfway and treat you to the extra two cookies. Everything today is on me."

"No, Levi, you don't need to do that, they don't cost that much," Eren assured him.

"Exactly why it shouldn't be a problem that I pay for them," Levi provided, setting the bag on the counter. "Don't worry about it."

Eren relented at last. "Fine." He offered his payment and reached for the bag as Levi handed it to him. 

Levi's hand lingered for an extra moment as they locked eyes. "I can't wait for our date tonight. I'll see you when you get off work."

"See you then." Eren grinned, leaving shortly after. 

He couldn't hide his excitement as he went into work. It was going to be torturous waiting for their date all day. He couldn't wait to see what film they were going to watch and spend some time alone with Levi. 

"Got another hot date with those peanut butter cookies?" Christa asked, coming in from the back.

"Actually, I have a hot date with a person tonight," Eren replied smugly.

Christa paused in her tracks. "Seriously? Who is it?"

"You know that guy who came in earlier this week looking for me?" Eren said, putting away his things. "It's him. His name is Levi, he works at the bakery. We're going to watch a film tonight."

"Oh, that is a hot date!" Christa gasped. "Are you gonna finally get laid too?"

Eren sighed, chuckling. "A guy can only hope."

Christa smiled sweetly, patting his shoulder. "Well, I'm rooting for you! Now, would you be an angel and restock the headbands? I can never reach that shelf."

"Sure thing."

 

~

 

Eren only had a half hour before Levi would arrive and business couldn't be slower. He only had so much time to eat what he had packed so that he wouldn't have to eat in front of Levi. Walking up to Christa, he took a deep breath and hoped for the best. "Christa? Can I ask a huge favor?"

"I suppose, but I can't promise anything," she answered.

"Well... we haven't had any customers in awhile and I was wondering if I could have my dinner in the back?" He hurried to explain himself after seeing his boss's skeptical look. "I'm sorry, it's just that Levi's picking me up right after work and I won't have any other time to eat anything."

"Can't you just eat on your date? They provide snacks at the cinema, you know."

"I know," Eren mumbled. "I just... I'm really uncomfortable with eating in front of other people and I barely know Levi." That was the most he could say with going into detail of his problems with eating. He was very good friends with his boss, but he didn't know if she could understand what he went through, so he aimed for brevity. 

Christa didn't know how bad it was for him, but she didn't think it was an unreasonable request. "Okay, that's fine with me. But if I need you to come out for any reason, you come out, understood?"

Eren breathed out a sigh of relief. "Yes, thank you so much, Christa. You have no idea how much you're helping me out."

Christa giggled at him. "It's no problem. Now, go eat up."

"Thanks again." Eren left to the back and pulled all the food he'd packed out of his bag. He rushed to eat every bit of food he had even if it meant eating too much. He just didn't want to be hungry on his date. He wanted to be fully focused on Levi. 

Back in the front of the shop, Christa was without a duty or chore, so she remained at the front counter, staring off into space. The door of the shop opened and she was brought back to attention. Entering the shop was the same man that she recognized from days before. "Hello! Are you... Levi?"

"Yeah, that's me," Levi beamed at her. "I know I'm early, but I'm here to pick him up after his shift ends."

Christa plastered a grin on her face to seem calm, but knew full well that Eren needed this time to eat. "Oh, wonderful! Um... he's in the back arranging stock, so he'll be busy for awhile."

"Okay, I'll wait," Levi replied, aimlessly looking around the store.

Christa turned to head for the back. "Excuse me for a minute!" She chirped without waiting for a response.

"... Okay," Levi mumbled, looking at the door she exited through in confusion.

Christa scurried to where Eren was sat, eating his peanut butter cookies and leaned down to speak quietly with him. "I don't mean to alarm you, but your date is here."

Eren snapped his head up to look at her and simultaneously took in a sharp breath of air, choking on his food. Eren coughed harshly, trying to regain his breath and clear his throat. Panicked, Christa started patting his back to help.

In the front of the store, where Levi waited, he heard the sound of hacking and several thuds and wondered what the hell was going on behind that door.

It took several minutes, but Eren was finally able to properly breathe again, though it wasn't the easiest task. "You have to stall him!" Eren hissed with a strained voice and watery eyes. "Give me twenty minutes at least!"

"Okay, just eat slowly now, I don't want you choking." Christa skipped back out to the front, wearing her signature grin again. "He'll be done in twenty minutes or so," she said. 

"Alright," Levi replied, sensing something was off.

Eren tried to eat as fast as he could, not bothering with his cookies anymore. He just needed to eat and get enough to last the night. Finishing the majority of his dinner and feeling quite full, he decided that he didn't want to keep Levi waiting much longer. So, he packed everything up and quickly went to the restroom to straighten out his hair and make sure he didn't look too stressed after having choked on his food. Satisfied with his overall appearance, he hurried out of the restroom and into the front of the shop. 

Christa and Levi both looked at him when he came out, Levi grinning at the sight of him, and Christa looking rather concerned. He passed his boss and she quickly whispered to him, "Are you all good?"

He nodded gratefully at her. "Yes." He walked up to Levi, smiling excitedly. "Hey, Levi."

"Hi cutie," Levi replied. "Sorry I'm early, I got out a lot earlier than expected and I didn't see any harm in stopping by until you were finished with work. This isn't bad timing, is it?"

"No! No, of course not," Eren lied, laughing nervously. "No, this is a great time. Business is really slow anyways, so you're not holding me up or anything."

"Okay, that's good." Levi nodded, relieved.

"You know," Christa said, intruding in on their conversation. "It's late, I don't think we'll have any more customers for the night. If you two want to head out right now, I won't mind."

"Oh, I don't want to take him from you if he's needed here," Levi said.

"Don't worry about it! Like I said, I don't think many more customers will show up, if any at all. So, you two go have fun!"

Levi looked to Eren, silently asking for his opinion. "I'm ready if you are," Eren murmured, smiling.

"Alright then, let's go." Levi took Eren's hand in his, leading him out the door.

Before exiting, Eren turned to Christa and mouthed 'thank you,' to which he received a delighted grin from his boss and two thumbs up. Once out the door, he focused on the hand grasping his own and felt butterflies in his stomach. He couldn't wait for the rest of the night.

 

~

 

In the theater, Eren waited aside while Levi purchased their tickets. They'd decided on watching a comedy. Levi met up with Eren with their tickets in hand. "Ready?"

"Mhm." Eren nodded, following Levi as he led them to a line that was going in the opposite direction of where the films would be shown. Of course, he'd forgotten. Levi probably wanted a snack.

"What size popcorn do you want?"

"U-um, I'm fine, thanks," Eren declined, forcing a smile.

"Okay, then what do you want for a snack?"

Eren internally groaned. "Nothing, I had dinner before I came. I'm not hungry." There were a select few things the theater offered that he wouldn't have minded eating, but he was still uncomfortable eating in front of Levi. 

"Yeah, but what if you get hungry later?" Levi countered. "I have no problem getting something for you, I'm the one who asked you out."

Eren hoped his nerves weren't so obvious. "N-no, I'm fine. Really." His heart started pounding as they came closer to the front of the line. 

"At least let me get you a drink," Levi offered.

Eren hated that he had to decline. He knew Levi was simply trying to be a gentleman, but had no idea that he was doing the opposite of helping. "Okay, I'll take a water."

Levi snorted. "A water? Not even a soda?"

"I'm trying to cut down on sugar," Eren lied quickly. 

Levi shrugged. "Okay, if that's what you want." 

Eren gave out a sigh of relief as they stepped up to the front. Levi ordered his water and a soda for himself. "Aren't you going to get a snack?" Eren asked.

Levi shook his head. "No, it doesn't feel right to get something if you're not eating." He handed Eren his water with a smile and led the way to see the film. He didn't realize how guilty he was making Eren feel. Eren didn't want Levi to go without just because he couldn't eat anything. 

 

~

 

The two thoroughly enjoyed the film, but throughout the entire thing, Eren couldn't help but feel sorry for letting Levi go without food and embarrassed for only taking water. Levi however, didn't seem to give it any thought at all, enjoying their date and paying attention to the film. Eren would lose his breath every time Levi discreetly took his hand in his and for a few minutes, he'd forget about his guilt.

They exited the theater after the film was over and headed out to Levi's car. "So, do you want to stop somewhere to get something to eat?" Levi asked while they walked side by side.

Eren tried not to visibly deflate. "No thanks, I'm not hungry."

"Still? You only had a water that whole time and we were in there for awhile. I don't mind stopping somewhere."

"You can stop to get yourself something if you want, but I don't want anything." Eren avoided eye contact, ashamed of how he let his struggles with eating prevent him from enjoying his date. 

Levi only chuckled as they reached his car, opening the door for his date. "I couldn't live with myself if I ate while you have nothing." He rounded the hood and got in the drivers side. "We can go anywhere you want."

Eren shook his head, buckling in. "I appreciate the offer, I really do. I just don't want anything."

"Suit yourself," Levi replied, starting up the car and driving out of the parking lot. "Did you enjoy the date?" He peeked at the other, trying to gage his thoughts.

Aside from his varying self conscious emotions, Eren did have a good time. He was glad it was far too dark for Levi to notice the blush staining his cheeks. "I did, it was really fun."

Levi smiled, keeping his eyes on the road. "Do you think you'd like to do it again sometime?"

"Yes," Eren said a little too quickly. "I mean... yeah, I'd love to."

"Great, I'll give you my number and we can figure out the details another time."

"Sounds like a plan," Eren mused. He couldn't believe it. It had been ages since he last had a boyfriend and even longer since he liked someone this much. He wasn't sure what they would end up planning for their next date, he just hoped he could savor it more. Regardless, he was glad that Levi wasn't put off and was willing to see him again. 

Levi dropped Eren off where his car was parked and they said goodnight. Levi went home and couldn't stop smiling the whole drive. He couldn't wait to call his sister and brag about how well it went and how he didn't fuck it up. 

 

~

 

Eren got home safely and immediately went into his cabinets, pulling out crackers and other little snacks to eat before bed. He'd been hungry for quite some time, but he now had food and he was too giddy from his date to care much. 

After eating his full, he settled into bed and started thinking about the next time he'd see Levi. He imagined it would be the next time he went to work and stopped by the bakery to get his cookies—

His facial expression contorted at the thought of those cookies.

Panic flooded through his veins. He envisioned himself eating the peanut butter cookies as best as he could and vaguely started gagging. 'Oh god,' he thought. 'Why is this happening again?' He tried thinking of any possible reason why they were suddenly so repulsive to him. They were his safe food for god's sake, why didn't he want them? This would happen every couple of years when he became sick of some safe food that he'd eat everyday, but never those cookies. 'What the hell is my problem?'

All he could think of when he imagined eating those cookies was vomiting, a rush of anxiety and... choking.

Of course, the panic from earlier when Levi came early caused him to choke on them. Eren groaned into his pillow, overwhelmed with frustration. Now he had to search for another food he could stand eating everyday for when he got home. That in itself was going to be difficult. And what would he find after that when he got sick of that food? Those cookies were the only thing he could eat nonstop without growing tired of them. He could feel his eyes prickling with hot tears and he tried coming up with a solution. He just wanted to eat like a normal person.

Even worse, how would he face Levi? Other than seeing him, he now had no need to go to the bakery. What would Levi think if he came in and didn't order anything? What would he even talk about if he didn't end up buying anything?

That was just his luck. He found somebody worth keeping and this condition of his had to ruin everything. He should've never gotten his hopes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I wanted to show how people with ARFID/S.E.D. can spontaneously become repulsed by food they eat everyday. Although, there are occasionally no triggers (like choking or getting sick) and it just happens out of the blue or the triggers are something minor, like if you find a tiny tiny piece of food that doesn't belong in your meal that is repulsive to you. 
> 
> I hope you guys liked this! If you did, please leave a comment or kudos, they help me write! If you'd like to check out my tumblrs, they're dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thank you so so much for reading!!! <3


	5. Aftertaste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren is unable to show his face again in the bakery and Levi wonders if he should try harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thanksgiving is almost here and my frustration has been poured out into this fic. Even though there's no moment in this chapter where Eren is directly struggling with food, I felt it was appropriate to update this fic around thanksgiving. Maybe I'll eventually have a thanksgiving chapter because damn, that'd be a nightmare for Eren and oh how I love making him suffer. 
> 
> This isn't edited, I hope there are no mistakes. Enjoy!

"So, Romeo, how did it go?" Mikasa's teasing tone came through Levi's cell phone.

He rolled his eyes at the nickname, dropping himself on his couch and flicking through channels with the television on mute. "It went great for your information. We watched a good film, had a nice time and he even said he'd like to do it again sometime."

"Hm, I guess there is hope for you after all." Her comment painted a frown on Levi's face. "Gimme some details."

Levi relaxed into the cushions, recalling the wonderful night. "Well, I picked him up from work and we talked a bit on our way to the theater. When we got there, I bought him a drink and we watched the—"

"Whoa, whoa, you bought him a drink?" Mikasa asked with a hint of amusement laced in her voice.

"Well... yeah? Why, is that a wrong move?" 

Mikasa chuckled. "No, no, but did you at least get him something to eat?"

"No but—"

"Levi! Are you fucking kidding me? You asked him out on a date and you didn't have the decency to get him something to eat? How long was the film? He was probably hungry! What did you get him to drink? I hope to god you bought him wine or something if that's all you got for him."

"No, it was water," Levi corrected.

He would've explained further, but Mikasa kept cutting him off. "My god, Levi. Water? Was it magic fucking water? Please, tell me you took him to dinner afterwards."

"If you'd just let me explain," he groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I asked if he wanted any food when we got to the theater and he said no. I told him I had no problem getting him anything, but he didn't want anything to eat. I had to keep persisting just so he'd let me get him a drink, and I didn't want to pressure him. If he didn't want anything, then he didn't want anything. And yes, I offered to take him out to eat afterwards, but he still said no. I don't know about you, but in my opinion, it comes off as a tad unattractive to force feed your date."

Mikasa paused for a moment. "Oh, Levi, that's not good."

Levi furrowed his brows. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I can't speak for everyone obviously, but if I was on a date with a guy I wasn't into, I'd decline offers for food too," she explained. "You know, I'd accept the date if I felt bad for him, but decline him paying for much to save him the trouble and to give him hints that I'm not interested. And as for him declining dinner after the film, if it were me, it'd be because I wouldn't want to waste more time with him."

Levi ran through the events in his mind, trying to find hints of Eren not being interested. "Does this mean...?"

"Sorry, little bro. You went on a pity date... oh damn, and it was a date at the theater too."

"What's so bad about that?"

"Think about it. I'm gonna guess and say the majority of the time you spent together was when you were watching the film. Not much of an opportunity to get to know each other while doing that, don't you think?"

Levi started connecting the dots that Mikasa had put in place for him. "But... but he said he'd like to go out again when I asked."

"Oo, you must be a real charity case for him," Mikasa winced. 

Levi groaned in frustration. "Well this is just my luck," he grumbled. 

"I say if you're really serious about him, keep trying, it couldn't hurt. Show him your suave side, you know? If it exists."

"Okay, I'll keep trying."

 

~

 

Eren rushed past the bakery, too embarrassed to even stop and say hello. He couldn't just walk in and not get something, Levi might've insisted he buy something or perhaps get something for him, and he couldn't have that again. It was best to end the cycle now when he could. 

He felt guilt creeping back up on him as he passed the windows of the bakery, speeding off to the boutique. He prayed that Levi wouldn't think anything of it when he never showed up. 

Entering the boutique, still rushing, he nearly bumped into Christa. "Oh, Eren! Thank goodness you're here, could you help me organize some stock boxes?"

"Sure," Eren agreed. 

They left to the back to sort things out. While cutting open large boxes that were delivered, Christa started talking casually. "So, how was your date Friday night?"

"It was good," he replied, taking out the smaller boxes and setting them where they belonged. "We had a great time."

"Good, are you gonna go out with him again?"

"Yeah, hopefully." 

 

~

 

Levi gawked out the window, trying not to feel hurt. Eren just sped past the bakery without so much as a glance. He took out his cell phone and immediately texted Mikasa. 

Levi: you were right. He didn't come to the bakery, he just walked right past it.

Mikasa: ouch sorry little bro

Levi ran a hand through his hair, trying to figure out some way to win Eren over.

Levi: what should I do? Should I go to where he works later and talk to him? He only works a couple stores down.

Mikasa: no! he'll think you're desperate. give him time. text him tonight or tomorrow and ask him out and see what he says. but don't meet up with him or ask him why he didn't stop by

Levi: okay thanks for your help

Levi pocketed his phone and leaned his elbows on the counter, groaning into his hands. He really thought Eren liked him, how could he be so oblivious? Whatever the case, he wasn't about to give up. He'd show Eren that he was worth a shot and if Eren still didn't want to be with him in the end, he'd learn to move on. But he wasn't going to let this chance slip through his fingers. 

As determined as he was, he couldn't help but feel self conscious. He never was really good at dating and was rarely the one to end a relationship. He didn't know how to win someone over, he just barely knew how to flirt. 

He let the rest of the day go by with his head in the clouds. Focusing on work was the last thing he wanted to do. At the end of the day, Levi went home feeling more anxious than he had in a long time. He decided to call Eren and see if he was interested in going out again. He just hoped that he wouldn't be turned down.

He guessed that Eren would be let off work at the same time every night and hoped that he wasn't busy. He looked up the number Eren had given him the night of their date and clicked call, holding the phone up to his ear. He tapped on his kitchen table anxiously, biting his lip while he waited for him to answer.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Eren," Levi said. "It's Levi."

"Oh, hi Levi!" Eren responded happily. "How's it going?"

Levi blew out a sigh of relief. At least it didn't sound like he didn't want to talk to him. "Good, how's it going with you?"

"It's going good for me too. So, what's up?"

"Um, I was just thinking of how I really enjoyed our date..." He really should've thought of how he'd word this beforehand. "And, uh... I was wondering if you'd like to go out again? Soon?" He ran his free hand through his hair, hoping to god he wasn't doing as bad as he thought he was.

"Yeah, I'd love to. What did you have in mind?"

Levi hated all the mixed signals he was getting. Was Eren interested or wasn't he? On the date, it didn't seem like it, but he sounded so eager just then. "I was actually wondering what you'd like to do. We can do whatever you want." 

"Oh, hmm..." Eren took his sweet time coming up with an idea. "We could have a walk in the park, maybe?"

"I like that idea, maybe during our walk we can have a picnic or stop at a hot dog stand."

A cold pause settled in before Eren could reply. "Um... I don't know."

And in mere seconds, Levi felt insecure again. What did he say? Why was Eren so willing before, yet so hesitant now? "Or... not. Whatever you'd prefer."

"I'm sorry, I'd rather it just be a walk with no lunch. If that's okay."

"That's fine," Levi assured him. "I don't mind. So, when would you want to go?"

"Are you free on Sunday?"

 

~

 

Levi waited anxiously at the park where they agreed to meet. On their last date, Levi was somewhat in control of their arrival, but now he felt paranoid that he'd be stood up. Eren hadn't stopped by the bakery once since their last date and it was killing him. He wasn't sure if that was an absurd thought, but he couldn't help but think it was a possibility that he'd never show. 

He breathed out a sigh of relief when he noticed Eren approaching the entrance to the park, smiling at him. "Hey, Levi!"

"Hey, Eren." Levi let him catch up before he started walking on the gravel path. "Is there anything special you wanna do?"

"Not really," Eren answered. "Unless the ducks are out in the river, we could stop by the bridge to feed them." He looked to Levi, hoping he'd like the idea.

"Okay, let's do that." Levi was desperate to make sure this date went well, so he didn't let too much silence settle in. "Do you come to the park a lot?"

Eren shrugged. "Not too often, but when I do, I really enjoy it. It relaxes me."

Levi nodded along, listening carefully to everything he had to say. "Do you feed the ducks every time?"

Eren chuckled. "Yeah, every time I see them. Sometimes, they won't be there and I'll immediately go home, because it feels like a wasted trip."

It was Levi's turn to laugh. "Wow, you must really love those ducks."

"I love animals," Eren said, feeling a tad embarrassed for getting so excited over such a simple thing.

"Well, I hope they're here today. I don't want you to be disappointed," Levi mumbled, hoping it wouldn't affect Eren's mood too much if they didn't show up.

"I won't be, you're here."

Levi's heart skipped a beat. He just couldn't wrap his head around why Eren seemed so uncertain around him half of the time and so willing the rest of the time. What was he doing wrong? Levi tried to shake himself of these thoughts and focused on their date as best as he could. 

"Levi?" Eren murmured nervously, slowing his pace. "Before we go much further, I'd just like to apologize for our last date."

Levi knitted his brows and gave Eren a confused stare. "Apologize for what?"

Eren started fiddling with his hands, avoiding Levi's gaze. He'd only ever told one person about his condition; his best friend Armin. But he wasn't even sure if Armin believed him. So, couldn't possibly tell Levi, especially so soon. So, he decided to provide him with a small understatement, so at least Levi wouldn't think much of it or get the wrong idea. "I'm sorry if I seemed rude when you offered to buy me food. It's just... I don't like eating in front of other people."

Levi raised a brow, not quite understanding what he was saying. "Why not? Do you eat in a weird way or something? Because I wouldn't mind—"

"No, not really," Eren mumbled. "It's just embarrassing for me."

Levi tried to send him an empathetic look. "Eren, everybody eats. You shouldn't be embarrassed to eat in front of others."

"I know that, but that's just how it is. I can't really help it, so I wanted to tell you so that you'll understand from now on," Eren said. "It's nothing against you, I hope I wasn't being a jerk on our last date."

Suddenly, everything clicked for Levi. Eren only appeared apprehensive when the subject of food came up. As sorry as he felt for Eren for not being able to eat in front of others, he felt more glad that it was nothing that he did wrong to put him off. "You weren't being a jerk," Levi promised him. "I'm glad you told me though, I don't want to pressure you. But if it helps, you don't have to be embarrassed around me. I won't make fun of you or judge you."

Eren smiled uncomfortably. He really did appreciate the sentiment, but it didn't change much. "... Thanks. It has nothing to do with you though, it's with everyone."

Levi supposed there wasn't much else he could say to reassure him, so he accepted that Eren would struggle with this under any circumstances. "Okay, I won't force you to eat."

"Thank you," Eren breathed. 

Levi gazed at his features and saw how gratefully he was. It occurred to him how important that was to Eren and there must've been much more to the subject that he didn't know about it. But he saved his inquiries for later. Right then, spending time together was more important. 

Levi took a chance and reached for Eren's hand to hopefully give him some comfort. He could practically hear his sister screaming now, telling him he was being too forward. But he silenced those intrusive thoughts once he saw Eren hiding a grin and attempting to suppress his blush.

 

~

 

They reached the bridge, still hand in hand after talking about little things through the majority of their walk. Eren stopped dead in their tracks, causing Levi to do the same. "They're out today," he pointed out. "I've got a couple quarters for the machine."

Before Levi could say anything, Eren was sliding in quarters into the corn dispenser. Eren grabbed Levi's hand and positioned it under the machine so he could catch the corn. Levi was a bit caught off guard by his enthusiasm, but made no complaints.

After Eren had taken his own corn, they stepped up to the railing of the bridge, watching the ducks down below. 

Levi stared down into the water. "How much should I throw in at a time?"

Eren gawked at him. "Have you never fed ducks like this before?" Levi shook his head, so Eren leaned in to show him by example. "You just take a few and toss it in the water in front of a duck and watch." He took a few pieces of corn in his fingers and lightly tossed them into the river, smiling as three ducks dove after them.

Levi didn't bother watching his example, he was far too busy observing how happy Eren was. Though, he probably should've paid more attention, seeing as Eren was now waiting for him to take his turn. He stepped up to the edge and picked a few pieces of corn, tossing them into the water, hoping he was doing it right. Fortunately, a few ducks gathered to eat up the corn he threw in.

"Aww," Eren whined. "The little one didn't get any." He threw in a few more pieces, aiming for the spot right ahead of the small duck. Luckily, it had no competition and was able to get each piece. 

"You know we can't feed all of them, right?" Levi said.

"I know, but the little one tried so hard to get the corn and the bigger ones didn't give him a chance."

Levi gazed at Eren's pout, feeling his pulse racing and he wondered how on earth somebody could be...

"So cute."

"What was that?" Eren asking, throwing in more corn. 

Without thinking anything through, Levi blurted out, "I said I think you're cute."

Eren paused to look at Levi, wide-eyed. A red tinge creeped onto his cheeks as he processed what Levi had said. Levi internally groaned, praying that he didn't go too far again. He decided he didn't when Eren looked away, simpering bashfully. "Shut up," he mumbled.

Levi took that as a personal victory and went back to feeding the ducks. And he nearly dropped all of his corn when he heard Eren whisper, "I think you're cute too."

 

~

 

Walking back to the entrance, they continued to hold hands, feeling a tad closer than they were when they arrived. Right as they exited, the two came to a stop. "My car's at the other end," Levi said. "And uh, I'm not sure when I'll see you next, since I don't see you at the bakery anymore..."

"Oh, r-right," Eren winced, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay," Levi reassured him. "But if it's okay for me to ask, why is that?"

Eren didn't want him to think that he did anything wrong, so instead of withholding an answer from him, he tried to make something up. "Um... I'm watching my weight. So, I need to cut down on sugar for awhile." A long while. He didn't want those cookies ever again.

Levi scoffed. "That's ridiculous, you don't need to watch your weight. You're perfect."

"No, no, don't say that," Eren said, laughing uncomfortably. How could someone make him feel more insecure yet give him butterflies with just one response? It was true that Eren felt ashamed of his weight, but that wasn't the reason he skipped out on going to the bakery. And whenever people tried to convince him that he wasn't overweight when he clearly was, it made him feel worse. But Eren stuck with his lie. It was easier than saying 'Oh I have this weird condition no one ever hears about and because of it, I'm now extremely disgusted by the cookies I'm heavily addicted to because I choked on one.' 

"It's true, though." Levi stepped closer to Eren. "You look stunning as is, if you want cookies, you should have them. I'll get them for you if you'd like."

"N-no, that's okay! I don't want them," Eren stammered. "I really don't, but thanks anyways."

Levi relented at last. "Alright, if you say so."

"I won't be stopping by at the bakery, but I'd like to see you again soon. Would that be okay?"

Levi smirked at him. "That's more than okay." He needed Eren to know that he didn't have to ask. "... I like you. I know it's only our second date, but I really like you."

He couldn't believe it. Someone was looking past his issues and genuinely wanted to be with him, even if he wasn't fully aware of everything that was going on with him. "I like you too," Eren breathed. 

"So, you wanna go out again next weekend?"

Eren nodded eagerly. "Of course." 

"Great, I'll call you sometime and we'll work things out then?" 

Eren nodded again. Levi was already turning on his heel to walk in the direction of his car, but he really wanted to kiss him then. He really wanted to show his feelings and tell him how happy he was that Levi felt the same way. But he kept himself from acting on an impulse, and began turning himself. Besides, he knew there'd be other chances. "Sounds like a plan."

"See you later," Levi said, waving.

"Bye." As soon as Levi's back was turned, Eren hurried along, too excited for his own good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, I need to get this fic on the road. If my quality in writing (for all my fics) is lagging terribly, it's because I'm burnt out on writing. It's literally all I've been doing lately. I have this one fic that's one chapter away from being finished and it's a long ass chapter and it's the only thing I want to write bc I'm so excited for it, but I have to update my other fics too uggghhh. 
> 
> I hope you liked this! If you did, please leave a comment or kudos! Also, feel more than welcome to ask questions if you need to understand this a little better. I get that it's sometimes hard to describe what it's like living with this disorder to somebody who doesn't have it, because I have nothing to compare it to. 
> 
> My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thank you so much for reading!!! <3


	6. Bitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren takes small steps to confide in Armin and be more comfortable with Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if the quality in this is lacking. I haven't been too keen on writing or making anything in general lately. Hopefully I'll get out of this funk really soon.
> 
> With that being said, I hope you like this chapter! It's not edited, so sorry for any mistakes.

Eren sat on his couch next to Armin one night after work. It had been awhile since they'd caught up on each other's lives and Armin was exceptionally eager to hear about his friend's new boyfriend. At first, Eren was overly enthusiastic, talking about the dates they'd went on and how he felt about Levi, but as he talked, his insecurities worked their way to the front of his mind, clouding over his excitement.

"And... he asked me out again, so we'll be going on another date this weekend," Eren explained, looking down at his hands. "So, I'm looking forward to that."

"You don't sound like it," Armin pointed out.

"What do you mean?"

Armin adjusted himself in his seat to face his friend better. "You just don't seem too thrilled about the idea, you look a little bothered.

"No, no." Eren shook his head. "I am excited about it, I'm just... my thoughts are elsewhere right now."

"Like where?"

Eren shrugged. He knew that Armin would always support him, but bringing up such a topic made him hesitant with him. "I feel like there's some awkwardness between me and him, but I'm not sure if that's just me being paranoid."

Armin set his arm at the back of the couch, taking on a pose that reminded Eren of a therapist. "Why would there be any awkwardness?"

Eren sighed, shaking his head. "I think because of my eating..." He hated bringing it up, never knowing if Armin would be understanding or if he would get frustrated, offering less than helpful 'solutions.' It was a shot in the dark every time the subject came up. "He keeps offering to buy me food, sometimes he'll get me food without asking, and he always suggests to go out to eat when we plan dates. I just told him that I don't like eating in front of other people, and he gets it, but something still feels off."

Armin nodded along, listening intently and Eren let himself relax, seeing that Armin would be supportive today. "Well, obviously there are things you can do besides eating, and the possibilities are endless. But regardless of your eating habits, if he likes you then he likes you. What you do or don't eat isn't going to affect that."

"I know, but I still feel that he thinks there's something wrong with me. I mean, not that there isn't, but he could be getting the wrong impression." Eren started fiddling with his hands nervously. "And if we keep going out, I'll have to eat something in front of him sometime. Even when I get past that and when I feel comfortable eating in front of him, I'll have to bring my own food everywhere I go with him."

"Would it be a possibility for you to just tell him?" Armin suggested. "He might not get used to your habits right away but at least he'd understand."

Eren pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's not that easy. What if he thinks I'm making it up to get out of telling him something else? I've never met anyone who didn't need me to explain what my condition is. No one's ever heard of it. Even if he did believe me, he's not going to get it. And I'm tired of explaining."

Armin took a moment to compose his words. He couldn't really understand what Eren went through, but he'd known of Eren's struggles ever since they met. Even so, since he simply couldn't comprehend exactly what his friend went through, he couldn't offer much advice other than what he'd been repeating for years. "Eren, couldn't you at least try to expand what you eat? It would make your life so much easier, you wouldn't have to worry about things like this."

And there went Eren's optimism. He deflated and held a glare, disappointed with his friend. "Armin, it's a disorder. Do you think if I could do something to fix it, I wouldn't have done it already?" He added bite to his words, feeling his pulse quicken. After all these years, and Armin still refused to listen.

"I know you say it's a disorder, but you're just so quick to self-diagnose yourself. You don't know for sure—"

"Shut the fuck up," Eren spat. "It is a disorder and I do have it. I can't will it away like you want me to."

"Eren, you're just not trying—"

"Stop it!" Eren thundered. "Just stop. There is no 'lack of me trying,' I'm not just being picky, and I'm not being dramatic! I'm sick of you telling me that I don't know what I'm talking about and I don't know how to get you to stop!"

Armin stilled at Eren's tone. All he wanted to do was help, but he didn't know enough in order to give truly helpful advice. "... I just want you to get better."

Eren sunk into the couch, rubbing his forehead. "I know. But you don't listen to me."

"I do listen—"

"Not enough to understand." Eren tried to gather his thoughts in a calm manner, but he was just so tired. "You've eaten the way you should your whole life, so you have nothing to compare this to. You don't go through what I do, so telling me to do this or that can't help me." 

Armin nodded solemnly. "What can I do to help you, then?"

"Just accept the fact that there is nothing you can do to fix it, and don't talk down to me about it."

"But that's not really doing anything for your benefit," Armin pointed out.

"It'll do more than you'd think." 

 

~

 

Armin left rather late, and Eren was completely warn out after he was gone. He got ready for bed, slipping into his pajamas and laying down on his mattress. Staring up at the ceiling, his mind refused to silence itself, echoing Armin's useless suggestions. He wished it was only that easy.

The difference was that trying meant two different things to Eren and other people. For others, it was experimenting with flavors, attempting new recipes, or taking a bite off of your friend's plate when they offered. For him, it meant force feeding himself for a week to get some healthy food in his diet, working himself up to a panic attack with each unfamiliar dish, or willing himself to expand his tastes, only for his body to reject the food. When people offered him advice, they only told him what they'd do if they were being finicky, not what one should do with a disorder. 

He flicked his gaze over to his bedside table, able to make out its silhouette in the darkness. In the drawer, under his wallet and keys, sat several pages that he'd take out and glance over every so often. Just to see if there was something he'd missed all these years, or to contemplate sharing their contents with those close to him. Within his bedside table's drawer were the simple sheets of paper given to him when he'd requested documentation after getting his diagnosis. He and the nutritionist he'd seen were the only ones who'd seen the documents. He and the nutritionist he'd seen were the only ones who knew he'd even asked to know what exactly was wrong with him. 

So many times he considered showing them to Armin or even his parents. He wanted to shove in their faces the fact that he knew there was something not right with him and they were all fools to question it. But he couldn't, or wouldn't rather. He couldn't gage how differently they'd treat him. Armin might've made it obvious when they were in public and draw attention to him. His parents might've thought it was their fault and he didn't want that. They didn't deserve to feel guilt over it.

He worked up the courage to tell Armin he had an eating disorder, but he never went into specifics. Because when he informed Armin, all he did was tell him 'don't be ridiculous, that's not a real disorder' and 'you just diagnosed yourself, you're being silly.' After that, Eren decided it was best to keep his new knowledge to himself. 

For now, Eren left his proof hidden. There were too many uncertainties about telling people that he didn't know if he was ready to face. He fell asleep with a heavy heart.

 

~

 

Eren came to Levi's home that weekend as promised, and they spent most of their time talking or watching films on Levi's couch. The more time they spent together, the more comfortable Eren grew. Levi held no judgement and kept his interest in him, something that Eren wasn't used to. Levi held him close as they watched the television, though he couldn't really focus on the film.

Levi treaded carefully, aware of how uneasy Eren was about the topic. "You've been here for hours, aren't you hungry? I could make you something or we could go out."

Eren shook his head. "I'm fine." His lie was revealed when his stomach let out a growl. 

Levi snickered, quirking up an eyebrow. "Hm, are you sure about that?"

Eren shrunk inwards, feeling his face heat up. There wasn't much he could think of that he'd be okay with eating in front of Levi still. 

"I don't want you to starve, but I won't force feed you either. But I think you should try to eat something, so you can at least get used to it," Levi suggested. "You'll have to eat in front of me eventually if we keep dating."

Eren scratched his arm, figuring Levi was right. "I'm... I'm picky." He hoped that that would be enough for Levi to understand.

Levi stood from the couch, waiting for Eren to follow. "Well, let's see if I've got anything you'd like. If I don't, we can go out to get something to eat, you choose."

Eren bit his lip, not too keen on following, but he raised himself to his feet anyway. "Alright." Why did it seem that everyone wanted to see him eat? He wasn't starved, he wasn't some circus act. But he did need to get used to eating in Levi's presence, after all, he didn't see himself leaving him anytime soon.

Levi searched through his cabinets, pulling out boxes of food and setting them on the table. "Would you prefer a snack or would you want me to make you something?" He asked as he put out more options.

Eren inspected each box closely. "It really depends on what there is..." He needed something that wouldn't make too much of a mess or require much effort to make. A snack would be preferable, but he didn't yet see anything that he'd like.

"I'm kinda hungry myself, so I could make a few different things if you could think of several things you'd want."

Eren would be lucky to find one thing he'd want, several would be pushing it. However, in a matter of seconds, he found a box of salted crackers that Levi had set out. "Can I have these?" Eren asked, tapping the box.

Levi furrowed his brows. "Just the crackers?"

"Yes."

"... Do you want something to go with them? I have dip and I'm sure I could find toppings."

"That's alright," Eren cut in. "I like them just like this. How many am I allowed to have?"

It occurred to Levi that he was being dead serious, so he tried not to look too perplexed so Eren wouldn't feel bad. "Um, as many as you want. Is there anything else you see that you'd like? Or anything you could think of? I might have something you want."

"No, I'm happy with these," Eren said, taking the box.

Levi couldn't understand why he'd settle for those when he had so many better options. "Okay... do you want something to drink too?"

Eren pondered it over, the crackers would be salty and he didn't want to be a bother asking for something later. "What do you have?"

Levi opened his fridge to check and listed its contents, fetching Eren a glass of water when he'd picked it out. Afterwards, Levi got himself a few snacks of his own and they returned to the couch. Levi figured Eren didn't want him to watch as he ate, so he kept his eyes glued to the television. 

Eren did struggle to put his mind at ease, but he did manage to start eating even though his pulse was racing faster and faster. The fact that Levi wasn't seeing him take bites definitely did help.

"So," Levi began. "Sorry I'm kind of bringing this up out of nowhere, but... are we official?" 

Eren swallowed the bite he had in his mouth, feeling his heart pounding, but for other reasons now. "Well, do you think we are?"

"I think that I'd really like us to be, but I want to hear what you think about us as well," Levi stated, waiting for a reply.

Eren couldn't force away the smile that came if he tried. "I think we are. What, did you ask because you've got a lot of people chasing you?" He joked.

Levi snorted. "More like a nosy sister who's dying to hear if we're a thing yet. But I mostly asked because I want to know where you stand, and how you feel is important to me."

A soft blush appeared in Eren's cheeks after hearing Levi's words. "Well, if you agree to it, then yes, we're official."

"Oh, that's a relief," Levi huffed out, earning a raised brow from Eren. "Because now I can do this." Without any further explanation, he leaned over to plant a gentle kiss on Eren's cheek. He grinned subtly when he heard Eren gasp lightly in response. Sitting back, he admired the blooming smile on Eren's features and marveled at his beauty. 

Eren leaned on Levi's shoulder, too surprised to say anything. Levi balanced his head on Eren's, cuddling up to him.

"You're really sweet," Eren murmured.

"Not as sweet as you," Levi countered, sliding his hand down to hold Eren's.

Eren chuckled. "You're such a sap."

"You make me a sap."

That feeling of quiet and peaceful excitement came back. Levi had a way of mixing all his emotions into one big conglomerate mess, but Eren loved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished the last chapter of DLYGD, which is my other fic. Feel free to check it out! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this, if you did please leave a comment or kudos to let me know! In case you're interested, my tumblrs are dr-s--art (my writing & art plus some anime) & the-witch-daddy (ereri/riren and color guard)
> 
> Thanks for reading!!! <3


	7. Sour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi wants Eren to meet his sister, and Eren takes steps to opening up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh I'm so sorry all my chapters are late! I hit yet another Depression Session™ so I'm not having the easiest time writing. But I'm doing my best! I hope you like this chapter, and I hope it's not too rushed.
> 
> Enjoy!

"When do I get to meet him?" Mikasa asked Levi, searching through piles of folded shirts.

Levi sighed before answering. "I don't know, I'd have to ask him when he'd be comfortable with that."

Levi agreed to take his sister shopping for clothes for an interview she had planned. But as usual, she refused to address the task at hand and only wanted to discuss Levi's personal life.

"Why wouldn't he be comfortable with meeting me? You both are really into each other, so I doubt I'd scare him off," Mikasa teased.

Levi folded his arms, wondering if Eren would really want to meet her. He imagined she'd do all she could to embarrass him. "It's just that... I don't know. He seems like a shy person, I think I should put off having him meet my family and vice versa."

Mikasa picked out a shirt she assumed would fit and fixed Levi with a funny look. "What do you mean he 'seems' shy? Is he or isn't he?"

"Well, it's just that certain things make him nervous and other things don't." Levi explained, shrugging. "It's almost like its selective."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he's fine with going out on public dates but he's still uncomfortable eating in front of me sometimes. He's okay with advancing in our relationship, but he was too scared to tell me he wouldn't be stopping by the bakery every morning. I'm not sure what he'd think if I asked him to meet you or mom."

Mikasa pondered it over. "You could at least bring it up with him and see what he thinks. It's not like you'd force him."

Levi figured she was right. But he didn't want to push anything. He was so desperate to keep Eren by his side and he didn't want to rush into things. Was simply meeting his sister rushing? He wasn't sure, but he wouldn't be making a decision so quickly regardless.

"Give it some thought," Mikasa finally said. "I won't make you bring him to me, but it's obvious that you really like him. So, if and when you're ready, I'd love to meet the guy. I'm gonna go try these on." She headed off to a changing room and left Levi to his thoughts.

He'd love for Eren to meet all the important people in his life, though they were few, but he couldn't help but feel like their relationship wasn't ready for that. He'd never been an expert in dating, so his judgment could have been off for all he knew. One thing was for certain, and that was that he'd never force or rush Eren into anything.

 

~

 

Eren and Levi made a habit of walking through the park. Summer was winding down, and the air grew colder, but it wasn't enough to keep them from going on walks together. Levi interlocked their fingers as they walked over the bridge that Eren always wanted to check. 

"The ducks aren't here today," Eren whined with a pout.

"They'll be back," Levi promised him. "It's getting colder, they probably don't like being in the water around this time of year. Maybe they flew south early."

"Isn't it only geese that do that?" Eren asked, chuckling. 

"I'm sure there are all kinds of birds that hate the cold." 

"So, you're a bird expert now?"

"I could be. You don't know what I studied in college." Levi loved making Eren laugh over little things like this. He adored the slight crinkle near the edges of his eyes and he basked in the warmth of that wonderful smile. 

Eren grinned down at him. "Well, Mr. Duck expert, will we come back whenever they've returned?"

"Of course, we can do anything you want." Levi started to lead him off the bridge and they continued on their path. He shivered as a gentle breeze went by. He'd never been a fan of the colder months, but if visiting the park made Eren happy, he'd trudge through the snow during the worst of blizzards. 

"Chilly?" Eren laughed.

"... A bit," Levi mumbled.

"That's okay, when we get back to your place, I can help warm you up," Eren assured him, gripping his hand more tightly. 

"I like those kinds of promises," Levi whispered under his breath, earning another giggle from his boyfriend. While they meandered through the park, Levi's mind travelled elsewhere. Eren seemed comfortable enough, perhaps asking him while they were both in a good mood was the most opportune time. "Hey, um... I have a question for you."

Eren faced him, humming in response. "Hm?"

"Would it be going too far if I asked you to meet my sister?" Levi treaded carefully.

Eren merely shrugged. "No, why would that be going too far?"

Levi shook his head. "I don't know. I'm not too good with relationships, so I don't know when the appropriate time to ask these kinds of things is."

Eren huddled closer to him for reassurance. "Well, I think you're doing great, if that helps. And I'd love to meet your sister. When were you thinking?"

"Dunno, I wasn't sure if I'd get this far," Levi admitted, huffing out a heavy breath. "Whenever her schedule and ours are both open, obviously. Maybe we could all hang out over dinner?"

And that's when Eren stiffened, and Levi had noticed.

"We don't have to go out to a restaurant," Levi rushed to say. "I could make you whatever you want, you name it. And you don't need to be nervous eating in front of my sister. She'll be more focused on us rather than what you're eating."

Eren sighed. "That doesn't make a difference, it's not like I can just choose to not be nervous. God, I'd love to, but I can't." His posture worsened as he spoke, reminding of how limited he always was.

Levi nodded. He couldn't completely understand what made Eren so anxious about eating, but he knew enough to not push him. "Okay, then we can figure something else out. Something that doesn't involve eating. Does that sound good?"

"Mhm," Eren hummed unenthusiastically. 

Levi frowned at how his smile had disappeared so quickly and didn't seem to be coming back any time soon. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's just... I feel bad for not being able to do such easy things," Eren answered solemnly. "It gets to be so frustrating."

"Well, we'll work on it. You can practice eating with others watching and eventually you can do it whenever you want."

"No, no. It's not that simple." Eren shot down his idea. "It's a lot more complicated than that, I don't know if you'd get it."

Levi paused as they reached a bench and guided Eren to sit down. "Then... educate me," he prompted with a hopeful expression.

Eren briefly contemplated telling him. Coming clean about everything, but he quickly decided against it. Eren knew that line. He'd heard it before, along with all of its variants. 'Explain it to me, help me understand, just tell me, I won't judge you, let me listen so I can help.' But they all meant the same thing and had the same outcomes. 'Educate me' didn't mean 'educate me.' It meant 'tell me something that I can readily understand, so we can forget about this and move on.' And to Eren, whether the person asking was sincere or not, he always felt like that prompt was like telling him that he was overreacting and that he had something he could fix.

Eren gazed down at his free hand with furrowed brows. Levi seemed to genuinely care, but could he possibly understand? Would he push back and tell him things he'd heard a million times over? 'That doesn't sound so bad.' 'Is that even a thing?' '... Okay. Not quite sure if I get it.' And Eren almost didn't want to find out.

He felt a small tug on his hand and looked back up to Levi, who had a faint smile, encouraging him to open up. It would never be this easy.

"It's complicated," Eren said, kicking himself for not coming up with a better response. "It's just something that's very hard for me to deal with, and right now... that's all you need to know, and that's all I need you to understand."

Levi nodded, bringing Eren's hand up to his lips and softly kissing his knuckles. "Okay." He set his hand back down and leaned into his side, like they usually did while they were at home.

Eren leaned back instinctively, but his mind was racing in all directions. 'Okay.' That's all he had to say? He wasn't going to pester him further? He wasn't going to beg for a longer answer? Eren's heart quickened it's pace and he reveled in the new experience. Levi certainly wasn't like everyone else. For such a little thing, Eren wanted to proclaim his love, but that would be jumping to conclusions and making a huge deal out of something that might've been nothing to Levi. Besides, Eren wasn't so sure that he loved the guy quite yet, but in that moment, his heart was swelling and he felt that much more close to him. And he couldn't tell if this was human decency that he'd been deprived of all this time or if Levi was more kind than the majority. Maybe it was both. He wasn't sure.

 

~

 

Eren paced in his living room while Armin sat with a book in his hands on his couch. Eren would always invite Armin over to 'hang out' when in reality he needed to vent, but was too wary of asking. Armin recognized this pattern. Eren would call, stutter as he invited him over, be silent after he'd arrived and slowly progress into anxiety. While Eren worked himself up, Armin was smart enough to bring reading material until his friend was ready to spill the beans.

"It's about Levi, isn't it?" Armin inquired while flipping the page.

"Yes!" Eren groaned, flopping down next to his friend. "How did you know?"

"Lucky guess," Armin chuckled. "So, what's going on with him? Is everything alright between you two?"

"Everything's great, actually," Eren sighed. "But I can't function so easily around him like I can with you. And I feel like I owe him an explanation, but I'm not ready to tell him."

"... I'm a tad lost."

"My eating, Armin," Eren elaborated. "He's my goddamn boyfriend and I can't eat more than crackers around him. And he wants to go on dinner dates and make food for me. I can't let him do that, and we can't go on dates like that. I know I'm probably overreacting, but I want little things like that."

"He isn't upset by it, is he?"

"Not that I can tell." Eren thought back to their conversation back at the park. "And he doesn't really understand what's wrong, but he's so nice about it. I think that's half of the reason why I want to tell him."

Armin adjusted in his seat to face Eren better. "Do you want to know what I think?"

Eren squinted at him. "I don't know, do I?"

Armin snickered. "It's good I promise." He waited until Eren eased up, ready to listen. "I think it's because you like him so much. I've never seen you so head over heels for anyone else. It makes sense that you want to open up to him. But regardless of how much you like him, it'll probably still be hard to explain your situation. There's nothing wrong with not telling him, it's your business. But if you want to, I think you should."

Eren bit his lip, thinking it all over. "I do want to tell him... but what if he reacts badly?"

"Okay, what's the worst that could happen?"

"Pfft, he could break up with me," Eren scoffed.

"I highly doubt that he'll break up with you because you have a couple weird eating habits."

"It's not just 'weird eating habits!'" Eren whined, dropping back against the cushions. "Even you're annoyed by it all the time! Levi could be too."

Armin sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Eren, I'll admit that it's inconvenient at times, but I'm still here. You're my best friend and if he likes you too, then he won't leave you over it."

"But what if he does?" Eren countered. "If I told him I have an eating disorder, he might think I'm too much work or I'm broken and he won't want me anymore. Do you know how embarrassing it is to admit something like that? And do you know how much worse it is when it's something no one's ever heard of?"

Armin couldn't exactly relate, but he knew his friend was worth more than he thought of himself. "You're not an inanimate object, like a car. He's not going to think you're 'too much work' or 'broken.' If he does, then you shouldn't be with someone so judgmental, but you're a human being and if he sees something in you, he won't give you up so easily."

Eren shook his head. "... It's still embarrassing. He might think I'm lying or faking it."

Armin steadied his breath, hoping that Eren would listen openly. "I know you're not faking it. You've been like this ever since we met. But I just think you're making it out to be something a lot worse than what's actually going on."

Eren slowly turned to Armin, bitterness settling in. "... Don't do this to me."

"I'm not saying there isn't anything wrong with your eating habits, I'm not trying to invalidate what you live with. I'm just not so sure that it's a disorder like you say."

Eren could feel his blood boiling by the second. "It's a disorder. How many times do I have to tell you? Why can't you trust me?"

Armin held out a hand to calm his friend before he got too worked up. "I think you're only making it worse for yourself if you keep telling yourself it's a disorder. This isn't good for you—"

"It's a disorder!" Eren shouted, sitting up. "What do I have to do to get you to understand that?"

"That's not what this is—"

"Then what?" Eren continued yelling. "What is it? If you're such an expert on things that I live with and you don't, then tell what's wrong with me! What is it?"

Armin sighed, seeing that he couldn't win. "I don't know what it is, but—"

"Yes, you do! You know exactly what it is!" Eren countered. "Because I've told you a million fucking times—" he hated that his voice started shaking, losing control. "Why do I need to convince you? You're my best friend, you should believe me!"

"I don't believe you because I want you to get better!" Armin started shouting back, attempting to get his point across. "You can't get better until you stop believing it's a disorder that you can't do anything about!"

Eren saw red and his mind fogged up. He stood back up, forcing air in and out of his lungs to regain his calm composure, but it wasn't working. Though his veins were filled with adrenaline, he just felt so tired. He was so sick of this. Without clearly thinking through his actions, he stomped to his bedroom, fueled by his anger. "Wait there," he spat at Armin, not caring enough to look back at him.

All the other times he'd considered this, he'd cowered away. Eren went straight to his bedside table, opening the drawer and pushing the random paraphernalia off of the sheets of paper he kept. This may have been completely on impulse, but he didn't care. He might never gain the courage to try this again and he was so overcome with anger at someone he trusted to support him.

He returned to the living room and slammed the papers down on the coffee table, alarming his friend and stood back, folding his arms and scowled at him. "Read it." 

Armin frowned at him like he'd gone mad.

Eren pointed back down at the sheets that explained his diagnosis and repeated his command. "Read it."

"Eren... what is it?"

Eren grabbed the papers, shaking them in front of Armin's face, not even bothering to be an adult about it anymore. "Just- fucking read it!" He threw them onto Armin's lap, causing his friend to wince.

Hesitantly, Armin plucked up the sheets of paper and casted one last calculating look at Eren before skimming over the words in front of him.

Eren breathed through his nostrils, completely overwhelmed. He stared intently at his friend, waiting for everything to click. He hoped that guilt would flood over Armin as he carefully read the proof that Eren was telling the truth all this time. Perhaps that was being too spiteful, but he didn't care. He was hurting too much.

Armin bit his lip, silently setting down the stack of paper once he'd read enough. He didn't think it would mean much anymore, as he was overcome with shame, but he mumbled his response anyway. "I'm sorry."

Eren thought that he would've felt better once he had an apology, but he didn't. He just stood there, still furious.

"How... how long have you had those?" Armin asked, gesturing to the papers.

"Five years."

Armin knitted his brows together. How could he have been so averse to listening to him? "I know it doesn't excuse the way I acted, but why would you keep these for five years when I didn't believe you? Why didn't you show me earlier?"

Eren's fingers dug into his sleeves as he glared daggers down at the other. "I shouldn't have had to show you. You should've just listened and believed me."

Armin bowed his head, knowing Eren was right.

"I shouldn't have had to prove it to you, I didn't owe you evidence. I thought my best friend would just trust me, but you didn't. I told you for five goddamn years that I had a disorder and you never believed me, and I still shouldn't have had to show you proof of my diagnosis. I could've diagnosed myself and you still should've trusted that I knew there was something wrong with me."

Armin couldn't look him in the eye. "I..." He stammered, trying to think of the right thing to say. "I guess I was hoping it wasn't true. You didn't even tell me what it was called, so I just thought..."

"You wouldn't listen to me, I never got a chance to tell you," Eren spat.

Armin simply couldn't believe it. He couldn't fathom that he'd treated Eren so poorly when he should have been there, comforting him. He couldn't imagine how terrible he was making his best friend feel all this time. "I am so sorry." 

Eren started to calm down, seeing that Armin was completely sincere in his apology. 

"Is it possible that there's something you could do or someplace you can go to get help? I don't want you to go through this all your life."

"No," Eren answered, exhaling heavily. "The nutritionist I saw said there's no known therapy that can get rid of it, or at least have it under control. I'm stuck with it."

"Eren, I can't tell you how sorry I am. You probably hate me now... I don't blame you either." Armin put his head in his hands. "I'm a terrible friend. I'm sorry I didn't believe you."

Sighing, Eren realized he didn't want Armin to feel guilty after all. He walked around the coffee table and sat beside his friend. "I'm still really pissed, but as long as you won't argue with me about this anymore, I'll be okay."

Armin sat back and finally made eye contact with Eren. "I know it'll be hard, and I can't make the decision for you... but I think you need to tell Levi."

Eren quirked a brow at him, wondering where that had come from.

"I don't want him to treat you the way I did."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will have an in depth explanation for what ARFID is, for those of you who need one! (Gosh it took me long enough)
> 
> Also, comments are acting up. I'm not getting some that you send, and there's one comment that I keep trying write but it writes it as a reply to a diFFERENT COMMENT. I'm frustrated. Please bear with me
> 
> Please leave a comment or kudos if you liked this! They give me extra motivation to write! I'm sorry for any mistakes, this isn't edited. Feel free to check out my tumblrs, dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thank you so much for reading!!! <3


	8. Clean Plate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After much deliberation, Eren decides to tell Levi about his condition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: the comments are giving me trouble, so if there are some issues posting comments or if you receive a reply meant for someone else (or not at all) I can't really fix it, I'm so sorry!
> 
> Anyways. Hot diggity damn, two updates in a 24 hour period, that's a record for me! When I posted the last chapter, I had the first half of this one done, and I was like "yoooo make it up to them and update twice!!!" 
> 
> ANOTHER IMPORTANT: after reading your comments in the last chapter, I realized I should've left some type of explanation for Eren's behavior, since some of you were left confused. I'm not going to rewrite it but I replied to one comment, and I hope it helps you guys understand what went on. (That comment was meant to be a reply to a different comment FFFFF but we live on)
> 
> Anywho, this chapter is short, but it's important for comprehending the fic I believe. I hope you like it, enjoy!

"I don't want him to treat you the way I did."

Eren stared back at Armin, reaching a point of peace, able to think his actions through again. "I'll tell him..." After seeing how Armin fully regretted not believing him, he realized he may have been too harsh. "I'm sorry for yelling at you."

Armin shook his head. "No you had every right to."

Eren looked down at his lap, wondering if that was true. After he'd calmed down, he was hit with a wave of exhaustion.

"I mean, you've had this your whole life. Have you told your parents?"

"No," Eren muttered curtly.

"Why not? I know you don't have to tell everyone, and I'm sure you probably don't want to, but wouldn't that make it easier for you every time you visit either of them?"

Eren sighed. "I just... I don't know. My dad probably wouldn't care, and my mom would probably think it's her fault. I don't want her to think that."

Armin nodded. "I know I keep saying it, but I'm so sorry."

Eren nodded. "... It's okay."

"No, it's not. You're right, I should've listened to you. Even if I didn't completely believe you, I shouldn't have been fighting you about it. You know yourself better than anyone."

"I'm sorry," Eren whispered, continuing before Armin could ask what for. "I just got so mad. You, that nutritionist and I are the only ones who know. I don't want to tell everyone, and it was hard enough to tell you, and I was just mad that you couldn't take my word for it. I wanted to know that you wouldn't need every last bit of proof in order to believe me. But I'm sorry I lashed out at you."

"Water under the bridge," Armin said, causing Eren to snicker. "I mean it's not like you hear about this disorder every day, I don't imagine you've met someone who wouldn't need an explanation if you just came out and told them. That can be frustrating and I get that now." Everything was slowly fitting into perspective now that Armin knew. "Do you think if you kept your diagnosis sheet with you, you could tell people and they'd understand more easily?"

"No," Eren answered immediately. "First, I think it would seem pretty weird if I just pulled out my diagnosis sheet whenever somebody doubted me. Second, telling people isn't the answer for me. Even if I told people, I'm still the odd one out. I'm still the one eating only junk food at parties and the one eating kids meals at restaurants, I'd rather just have nothing and eat when I get home than tell people just so I can eat in public." 

"Then why did you tell me?"

Eren looked at him like the answer was the most obvious thing in the world. "You're my best friend, I wanted you to know."

Armin smiled back at him. "Well, I'll try to be more considerate with that knowledge now."

Eren mirrored his expression. "Thank you. I appreciate it. I really do."

"Good. And if I say something that's out of line, just say 'shut up, Armin,' and I'll get the message."

Eren snorted a laugh. "I'm not sure I'll be that blunt with it, but I'll keep that in mind."

 

~

 

Eren tapped his foot, sitting on Levi's couch with his boyfriend's arm wrapped around his shoulders. He decided he'd tell Levi today. 

He didn't bother to bring his diagnosis sheet, hoping he wouldn't need it, but now he wasn't feeling confident in that decision. He hoped to god that it wouldn't be a similar situation like with Armin, and wondered if it made more sense to have proof with you when you told someone about these kinds of things. If Levi asked, he could always bring the papers the next time he saw him. But maybe Levi would think he forged them. Was that a rational thought? He didn't really know, especially since his paranoia and anxiety were increasing with each minute that passed that he didn't tell him.

He studied Levi's face as he watched the television. He was unaware that Eren was so close to telling him one of the most personal things about him. Eren was overthinking everything, but he couldn't help it. Lies kept swimming in Eren's head, delaying him from telling Levi. 'He'll think you're begging for attention or pity.' 'He'll think you're crazy.' 'He'll tell you you're wrong.' 'He won't care.'

Eren tried to shake off these thoughts, fully aware that Levi was caring and would at least try to understand. Every few seconds, he'd scream 'Now!' in his head to get the worst part over with already. But he just kept staring.

Levi looked down at him and he quickly averted his gaze. "Are you into this show?"

Eren shrugged, trying to act like he wasn't having an internal meltdown. "Not overly, but it's not bad."

Levi hummed in thought. "I'm gonna change the channel if you don't mind."

"Okay." Eren worked up the nerve. They weren't busy. They weren't invested in anything. Now was the perfect time. "Levi," he blurted out before he could think through how he'd start.

Levi looked at him as he grabbed the remote. "What?"

Eren took in an unsteady breath, mildly agitated that he started shaking. "Um... I have something really important I need to talk to you about," he forced out.

Levi picked up on his serious tone and shut off the television. "What is it?" He adjusted himself to face Eren better and brought him in closer. Feeling how his body trembled as he wrapped his arms around him, he began to worry. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes," Eren said quickly. "Well, yes and no. There's just something that I go through, that I feel like I should tell you about. It affects most aspects of my life and I really like you, so I feel you should know. And maybe it'll clear things up for you."

Levi nodded, giving him his undivided attention. "Alright. Take your time."

Eren nodded back, trying to stabilize himself. 'Do it quick,' he thought. 'Like a bandage.' "I'm gonna need for you to keep an open mind and not assume certain things and... just listen, really." He kicked himself for putting it off even further.

"I promise I'll listen to everything you have to say," Levi assured him, stroking his cheek.

Eren hoped he could live up to that promise. "I have an eating disorder," he blurted out.

Levi's eyes widened and he stilled, but made no attempt to reply. He kept listening, just like he said he would.

"I-Its not the ones you're probably thinking of. I'm not dying. I'm not healthy by any means, but my life isn't in danger, I swear."

Levi gave a sigh of relief. "Okay," he huffed nodding along.

"U-Um..." Eren could feel his nerve dying down.

Levi used his hand to brush a tuft of hair out of his face, waiting for him to continue.

Eren inhaled deeply before restarting. "Have you heard of ARFID?" 

Levi took a few seconds to think it over, and shook his head. "I can't say that I have."

'Thought so,' Eren mentally groaned. "It's a disorder that makes you repulsed by most foods. And it's different for everyone who has it. With some people, it's something specific, like texture or color. But for me there's no pattern. Or at least, not one that I can identify, so most foods to me are absolutely repulsive."

Levi kept listening and taking in everything, having never heard of this before. 

"And it affects everything for me. I may be overweight, but I'm deficient in a lot of things. The foods I can almost always eat are called safe foods, but they're mostly sweets and junk food, so I don't get the nutrients I need. And you already know I have trouble eating in front of other people. That's because of ARFID too. I know, it sounds really weird..."

"I don't think it's weird," Levi said. 

"You don't?"

Levi shook his head. "No. I've never heard of it before, but I'm sure there are lots of disorders I've never heard of."

Eren vaguely smiled at him, feeling a tinge of hope.

"Is there medication you can take for it?"

"Not really. I can take vitamins to get extra nutrients, but they don't help much. The nutritionist I saw said there's no known therapy or medicine to get rid of it or keep it under control. At least, there isn't any for adults." At Levi's confused face, he elaborated. "Most people with the disorder develop it when they're children or infants. I've had it since I was very young. And if you can recognize it early enough, there's certain treatment you can get to fix it. But since no one ever hears about it, and people think it's just picky eating, we go untreated. I didn't know it existed or that I had it until I was twenty, I'm stuck with it for the rest of my life."

Levi's expression changed into one of empathy and pain. "My god, that's awful."

Eren shrugged. He already knew it was awful. And since he couldn't remember what it was like to eat healthy, he'd occasionally make peace with it. "I... survive."

"I know, but... not to make you feel worse, but I can't imagine what that's like. Is it rare?"

Eren huffed out a humorless laugh. "There's no way to tell. Compared to other disorders, it's only recently been 'discovered,' I guess you could say. It can be life threatening depending on the person, but since most of us who have it can still get by, it doesn't get a lot of attention. Even in the medical field, it's ignored. Most doctors have never heard of it, so it only makes sense that no one else knows what it is. I'm just lucky the nutritionist I saw knew what it was. But since pretty much no doctors are studying it, and no one has heard of it, most people who have it don't know they have it. So, they can't do a survey or whatever to find out if it's common or not. The people who would do surveys either don't care or don't know what it is, and those who have it just think they're picky eaters. I mean, there probably are statistics somewhere, but they're probably not accurate."

Levi couldn't take all this information in at once. He felt so angry that Eren couldn't get the help he needed. He felt upset that Eren had to just accept that he had to live with this forever. And he was worried that he may have done something horribly offensive to him. 

"After I was diagnosed, I wanted to learn everything I could, but there weren't a lot of sources at the time. And... at some point I just stopped looking."

"So... you can't just try new food and slowly learn to like more things?"

Eren had to keep himself from getting frustrated. He hated that question so much. He almost hated it as much as he hated his disorder. He was tired of hearing it nearly everyday by everyone who'd seen him eat. "No," he began slowly, steadying himself. "When I say most foods are repulsive to me, it's not just that they look gross to me, it's much worse than that. And it's worse than being finicky or picky. If I try a new food, it will take me nearly twenty minutes to work up the courage to even get it near my mouth. It's not just the taste, it's a mental thing. That means that even if I get it in my mouth, I'll start gagging, whether I actually tasted it or not. And if by some miracle I start chewing or swallow, again, even if I didn't taste it, my body will reject it and I'll get sick. And this is all assuming that I don't have a panic attack first. Usually, I'll have a panic attack just sitting there looking at the food. That's what repulsive means for me."

Levi had no idea that this is what Eren went through. He almost couldn't wrap his head around it. "Shit," he breathed. "I... that sounds so hard."

"... Yeah." Eren couldn't think of anything better to say. "Anyways, I wanted to let you know, because you're really important to me. And I don't want you thinking that you did something wrong if we can't go out on dates. And I don't know if it would be a big deal to you, but it would be a nightmare for me if you were to ever make something specifically for me and I had to tell you I couldn't eat it." His voice began to shake as he started coming up with more reasons as to why this was so important for him to tell Levi. "I don't ever want to put you in a tough position or inconvenience you just because of my disorder. And I'm sorry for not coming back to the bakery. I-I couldn't eat the cookies anymore and it was too embarrassing to admit—"

"Eren, Eren," Levi interrupted, framing his face with his hands as he noticed his eyes glistening while he rambled. "Shh, it's okay." He didn't want Eren to get so worked up or feel guilty over something he had no control over. "You can't help that you have this disorder and it's okay. It's not a burden for me, so don't worry about that." 

Eren paced his breathing, regaining his composure. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Levi said, staring deeply into his eyes to make sure his message sank in. "Thank you so much for telling me. I'm glad you can trust me enough to tell me." He pulled Eren into a hug, doing all that he could to comfort him.

Eren held on desperately. "Thank you so much. You don't have any idea how important it is to me that you understand."

"If there's anything you need to tell me or anything I can help you with, just let me know." Levi kissed the side of Eren's head, holding him close.

"Thank you," Eren murmured. "And please, don't tell anyone else."

"I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if that ended abruptly, I just really wanted to get this specific chapter up for comprehensive reasons. If you have questions of any kind, don't be afraid to ask!!! 
> 
> This wasn't edited, so I'm sorry for any errors.
> 
> Please leave a comment or kudos if you liked this chapter! (Again, comments are being weird, so be warned.) my tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy if you want to check them out. Thank you so much for reading! <3


	9. Takeout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi discovers some of the specific problems Eren faces, and Mikasa finally meets her brother's boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, I wanted to address how stupidly specific things get when it comes to repulsion. It gets to the point where even the ones suffering with ARFID/ S.E.D. are like "you've got to be kidding me."
> 
> Enjoy!

Levi and Eren took the rest of the day easy after Eren had informed him about his disorder. They didn't do much else other than staying on the couch with the television on with the volume low. Levi kept holding Eren, knowing it must've been hard for him to tell somebody about what he suffered through.

Checking the clock on the wall, Levi finally realized how late it was. "Baby, do you want to spend the night?"

Eren curled closer to him. "I mean, I'd love to, but I didn't bring any pajamas."

"You can borrow some of my clothes," Levi offered.

Eren chuckled, before deflating. "No, they probably won't fit."

"Bullshit, I'll find something that fits you," Levi promised. "I've got a ton of old clothes, I'm sure you'll fit into a few things of mine."

"... Okay." Eren wasn't fully convinced, but he'd give it a shot.

Luckily, Levi did find a baggy shirt that wasn't so loose on Eren, though it did still fit. Unfortunately, every pair of pants that Levi had wouldn't fit around Eren's wide waist, so he opted to sleep in his jeans. Though, Levi remained skeptical.

"That can't be comfortable," Levi commented.

Eren shrugged. "It's not that bad."

Levi hoped that he wasn't pushing any boundaries with his suggestion. "I don't mean to be too forward, but if you're comfortable just sleeping in your boxers, I won't have a problem."

Eren shrunk into himself, not overly keen on the idea and Levi took that as a mistake on his part.

"Shit, I mean... if you're not ready for that then—"

"No, no, it has nothing to do with that," Eren assured him. "It's just... I'm a bit insecure about my body. Specifically my stomach and legs."

Levi scooted over to sit beside Eren. "Why're you insecure?"

Eren vaguely gestured to the lower half of his body. "Because I'm overweight," he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "It's embarrassing."

Levi clicked his tongue, shaking his head. "You shouldn't be insecure over that. Your body's beautiful."

Eren scoffed. "Yeah, you say that now before you've actually seen it..."

Levi leaned over to plant a kiss on Eren's cheek. He lingered, throwing an arm around his shoulders. "I'm not going to force you to sleep in your boxers. But I think it would be more comfortable. If you decide to do that, just know that I don't think less of you for what your body looks like. Your body is beautiful to me because it's yours."

Levi moved back to settle under the covers, unaware of how far Eren took his words. He rarely received compliments on his appearance and he was never told that his body was beautiful. He'd only ever heard people tell him 'you're not fat,' when he casually complained about his weight, but this was genuine. Eren didn't like his image mostly because it was the result of not being healthy, and the result of his disorder. Not because he thought he had to be thinner. And it was so refreshing to know Levi looked past that.

With hesitation, Eren slowly removed his jeans, sitting on the edge of the bed. He winced when he noticed his stretch marks were visible under the moonlight streaming through the window, but stuck to his decision. He folded his jeans, set them on the ground and quickly dived under the covers. 

"Better?" Levi asked, having heard the rustling of his clothes. 

Eren moved over to lay beside Levi. "Better." He set his hand on Levi's shoulder, trying to cuddle up to him without being invasive.

Levi put an end to that by adjusting himself to face Eren, weaving his arms around him to keep him close. "Goodnight."

Eren basked in Levi's warmth, appreciating the genuine respect and honesty being offered to him. It was a new feeling that he'd love to get used to. "Goodnight," he murmured in reply.

 

~

 

Eren woke up in the same position he fell asleep in. He stirred awake, blinking to clear his vision and found Levi staring down at him, propped up on his elbow. "I didn't wake you, did I?" Levi asked. 

Eren shook his head, yawning. "No, I think I woke up on my own. How long have you been awake?"

"Like... ten minutes. Around that." Levi started weaving his fingers through Eren's hair, gazing down and admiring him. "I have a spare tooth brush you could use. We should get ready and I'll start making breakfast. I'll make whatever you want."

Eren felt like his chest had caved in. He'd forgotten to think about what he'd be able to have for breakfast, if he could have anything at all. "That's okay, you can make what you want."

Levi furrowed his brows in confusion. "But... don't you want a say in it? I don't want to make something you can't eat."

"I'll go without. I can go half the day after waking up without food, I'll be fine." 

Levi shook his head. "No, no, no. That's not fair. I want you to eat. Besides, I'd be an asshole for eating in front of you while you had nothing."

Eren was reminded of their first date when Levi said nearly the same thing. And it upset him. He honestly would be fine without food for just a little while, and he'd grown used to running on empty while watching others eat. It didn't upset him in the slightest. So, when Levi would say things like this, he'd feel guilty, thinking that he was pressuring him to skip breakfast with him. "Levi, please eat. I'll figure something out. I'm not gonna starve."

Huffing out a sigh, Levi somewhat relented. "Fine. But I'm still going to check and see if I have options for you."

Eren figured that wasn't the worst thing in the world. "Okay."

They got ready separately, Eren taking the bathroom so he could have privacy changing. When he came out, he found Levi searching through his cupboards for anything Eren might want. 

"I'd offer cereal, but I'm out of milk," Levi apologized. 

"That's okay, I eat it dry anyways."

Levi sent him a glance, thinking he was joking. When Eren appeared completely serious, he shrugged it off and kept looking, not wanting to be rude. "Um, okay. What kind do you like?"

"Corn flakes," Eren answered curtly.

Levi paused, waiting for him to continue. "... Anything else?"

"Not really."

"Alright. Uh... I don't have those, but I'll keep looking." He turned around, looking on his countertop. "Oh, do you like toast?"

"I like garlic toast," Eren said.

"Sorry, I don't have garlic." Levi thought that was a strange thing to have for breakfast. "What about plain toast?"

Eren hummed in thought. "What kind of bread?"

"I have wheat bread."

"No, thank you." 

Levi nodded along, going into his fridge.

Eren was beginning to feel guilty again. He almost knew for certain that Levi wouldn't find anything, then all this effort would be wasted. "Levi, it's really okay. I don't need breakfast."

"I have to have something you can eat, I'm sure of it," Levi countered. "Do you like pancakes?"

Yes, Eren did. But he only ate them made from a specific brand of mix and he needed them to be prepared a specific way and he'd only eat them if he was the one making them. But it would be much faster and easier to tell Levi "No." Levi would understand that much more readily.

"Damn," Levi mumbled. "Well, are you up to eating something that's not meant for breakfast?"

"Levi, this isn't necessary. I don't want to inconvenience you—"

"Don't worry about it, I'll get you something," Levi interrupted. He wasn't going to give up. "You've eaten crackers before, I think I have some."

Eren eased up. He wouldn't mind having those to eat. Though, when Levi set them out for him, he immediately kicked himself for getting his hopes up. It wasn't a brand that he knew like the last time he ate them at Levi's home. And it killed him to admit how he couldn't eat them. "No thank you, Levi."

"It's okay, you can have as many as you want, I don't eat them a lot anyways."

Eren sighed, shaking his head. "No, I mean I can't eat those."

"Why not? You like crackers." Levi had seen him eat them before. What was the problem?

"Not those ones."

Levi grabbed the box and inspected it. "These are pretty much the same thing I gave to you last time. They taste exactly the same."

This was one of the bothersome problems Eren had to face. He wished it was that easy. "I don't know that."

"Then try one—" Levi cut his sentence short, remembering how he said he could get sick or have a panic attack if he tried new foods. "I mean... they really do taste the same. I promise."

Eren shook his head, eyeing the box with distaste. "I don't want them."

"Eren, they probably even use the exact same ingredients. I could look it up, right now—"

"Levi, no," Eren said tiredly. It didn't matter. He knew he couldn't eat them and that was that.

There was so much to Eren's condition that Levi didn't know about or couldn't understand, and he had no clue how much he was or wasn't aware of. So, he couldn't gage if he was helping or simply being rude. "I'm sorry. I just want you to be able to have breakfast, you shouldn't have to settle."

"I'm not settling. I already told you, I'm okay with it," Eren assured him.

"But this isn't fair," Levi said, stepping closer to him. "Next time you come over, I'll get something for you in advance so this doesn't happen again."

"Levi..." Eren needed to put it in a way that Levi could comprehend. "This is good enough for me, even if it wouldn't be good enough for you if you were in my place. And I don't want you to feel bad or upset if you can't give me what's good enough for you. Because this isn't the first time I've had to do this."

Levi wrapped his arms around Eren's waist. "That's not right. You shouldn't have to go without eating because you're limited. I want to give you normal things so you don't miss out anymore."

"But this is my normal." Eren held Levi in return. It was difficult for him to articulate the situation, but he tried anyway. "There are a lot of things that I hate about my disorder and how I have to live because of it, but you and nobody else has to fix the parts that I don't find troubling. This might make you upset to spend the night only to find out you can't have breakfast, but it doesn't for me. You never had to adjust your life the way I had to, so what you find acceptable and unacceptable is different from how I see it."

Levi relaxed at that. Though, he couldn't understand how Eren was perfectly okay with going hungry. "I just... I don't know how to respond to this. It doesn't feel fair to me."

"I know, and I don't blame you. Just don't be upset with yourself or go out of your way to change something that I tell you doesn't bother me. It's part of having a disorder. There are some things that are blatantly unhealthy or harmful and there are some things that are just... different. I'll eat when I get home."

Levi still didn't feel settled, but he trusted Eren, and trusted that he knew himself better than he did. 

 

~

 

Several weeks later, Eren returned to Levi's apartment so he could finally meet his sister like they'd discussed. Eren was a tad nervous, not knowing what to expect from Mikasa.

"I promise, she's very nice. The most she'll do is try to embarrass me," Levi told him. "It's just what she does." 

Eren chuckled. "Does she have a lot of material to work with?"

"For my sake, let's hope not," Levi sighed. Once he heard a knock at the door he stood, leaving Eren on the couch to go and answer it. "That'll be her."

After opening the door, Mikasa came rushing in, holding plastic bags.

"You're late again," Levi pointed out.

"I was getting Chinese to make a good first impression," Mikasa said. "Holy fuck, it's cold out there." She shrugged off her coat, setting it on the rack near the door. "I'm so glad we decided to do this here. My place is an ungodly mess."

Levi cleared his throat to bring attention to his boyfriend standing from his place on the couch. Mikasa looked over and immediately smiled. "Oh, you must be Eren, it's so nice to meet you!" She crossed the room to shake his hand.

Eren accepted her hand, grinning back at her. "It's nice to meet you too." 

"Wow, Levi was right. You are a cutie," Mikasa commented. She turned to face her brother. "You picked a good one." She gazed back at Eren, finding him suppressing a laugh. "I'm surprised you're going out with him. Levi has the worst luck with dating. He's like an awkward duck, really."

Eren couldn't keep back the bubbling laughter that came. "He hasn't been like that with me. If anything, I'm the awkward one."

Mikasa gasped. "Oh, Levi! Your perfect match! You found him!"

Levi came in to break up the jokes at his expense. "Okay, okay, let's get into the Chinese before it gets cold." After there was some space between them and Mikasa, Levi whispered to Eren. "Do you like Chinese?"

"Not really," Eren mumbled, ashamed.

"I'll make sure you're covered," Levi promised, leading him into the kitchen. 

"Seriously, Eren," Mikasa went on, unpacking the takeout. "If you need out of this relationship, blink twice."

Eren snorted out another laugh, while Levi glared at her, unamused. "I promise, I'm perfectly happy with Levi."

Mikasa nodded. "We'll see." 

Eren was starting to get curious as to why Levi's sister was so relentless. "What's so bad about him? What does he do?"

"Oh god, where do I begin?" Mikasa exaggerated, pulling out plates and utensils. "He just sucks at dating, I don't know how else to put it. He uses terrible pick up lines, he can't flirt to save his life, and he's never the one to end a relationship. The universe wants him to be alone."

Levi groaned into his hands, wishing for the torture to end already.

"I don't remember him using bad pick up lines on me," Eren mused, taking his seat beside his boyfriend.

Mikasa patted Levi's shoulder. "Good job! Learning from your mistakes, nice improvement."

Levi was at least glad Eren was getting enjoyment out of his pain. "I didn't want to fuck up with him, of course I wasn't going to use a pick up line."

"Aw, he must be extra special if even you realized how bad you are at dating and tried to tone it down."

"Well, yeah." Levi nodded, facing Eren. "You are pretty special."

Eren's face heated up and he leaned over to plant a kiss on Levi's cheek as a thank you. 

"My heart," Mikasa whispered, placing a hand to her chest. "Levi, never let him go. You have to bring him to meet mom sometime. She'll cry tears of joy."

"I'm not that hopeless," Levi groaned. 

Mikasa snickered to herself, pulling out glasses. 

Levi stood to help her. "I'll get the drinks." He leaned over to whisper to Eren. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Just water is fine," Eren murmured.

Mikasa set a plate in front of Eren, preparing to dish out the food.

Eren waved a hand to deny the plate. "No thank you, I ate earlier."

Levi kept an eye on his sister while fetching the beverages after hearing his boyfriend's excuse. He could tell by his tone that that was a well rehearsed, often used response.

"Well, I'll leave it here in case you get hungry again," Mikasa said, winking.

Eren sighed, but nodded to avoid conflict. 

Levi came back, setting out the glasses and taking his seat. Mikasa placed the food in front of him before serving herself and Levi looked down at his plate, feeling a familiar guilt. He didn't want Eren to be the only one not eating, so he looked to him, as if to ask for permission. 

Eren nodded at Levi's plate, silently telling him he didn't mind. 

Levi was about to take a bite, but he just had to make sure. He leaned in closed to whisper to his boyfriend. "Do you want me to get you something so you can eat with us?" He had stocked his pantries with things Eren enjoyed since he'd stayed the night. 

Eren shook his head. "No thank you." He would feel more out of place if he was eating something different rather than not eating at all.

Mikasa took notice of their quiet conversation and intruded in. "No secrets, you two," she joked.

Eren laughed uncomfortably and tried to change the subject as fast as he could. "So, what do you do for a living?" 

Luckily, Mikasa didn't notice his nerves. "I recently got a job working at a nice furniture store. Nothing fancy, but it's better than my last job. What do you do?"

"I work at the boutique near the bakery."

"Oh, that's right, I forgot Levi told me," Mikasa replied. "I go there sometimes on the weekends with our mother... I don't recall seeing you."

"That would be why, I usually don't work on the weekends."

Mikasa nodded. "Mm. I'll try to come during the week. Maybe you could get me a discount."

Eren chuckled. "I mean, I can try."

Mikasa sat back, observing him, then facing Levi. "I love him, he's already getting me deals."

 

~

 

Once Levi and Mikasa were nearly done with their food, Mikasa eyed Eren, sitting quietly. "I got enough for everyone. We could warm some of it up in the microwave if you want any."

"That's alright, I'm not hungry," Eren declined politely. Though, his growling stomach had to give him away.

Mikasa smirked at him. "Oh, sure. Go on, just have a little bit."

"Thank you, but I don't like Chinese food."

"All Chinese food? Have you ever had what's on the table?"

Eren had to admit, he hadn't. But that was because it was all so repulsive to him. "Well... no—"

"Then try it. If you don't like it afterwards, then fine. But you can't say you don't like something if you've never had it before. That's silly."

"Mikasa, he doesn't want it," Levi cut in. "Don't force him."

Mikasa knitted her brows together and looked back at Eren.

"I'm just really picky," he apologized. He hated that excuse. He felt like it would later give someone permission to ignore the severity of his disorder or try to invalidate it. But it was the easiest thing to tell people. 

Mikasa finally gave in, not wanting to add any tension to their first meeting.

Levi mumbled to Eren as quietly as he could, "Do you want something in the cupboards? I've got stuff you like."

Eren shook his head again. "No thank you." He wouldn't be comfortable eating in front of Mikasa, especially after they'd finished eating and he would be the only one. He barely knew her. "Excuse me, I'll be right back." He stood to use the restroom, leaving the siblings to themselves.

Once he'd shut the bathroom door, Mikasa leaned on her elbows to speak with Levi. "Is he on a diet or something?"

Levi sighed, crossing his arms. "No, he just doesn't like Chinese food."

"Well yeah, but he could've eaten something else. He only had a glass of water the whole time I've been here. Poor guy must be starving."

"He doesn't want anything to eat, it's not a big deal. And... he's not okay with eating in front of people all the time, but he's fine, I swear."

Mikasa wasn't convinced. She started to get suspicious of Levi's luck with his new boyfriend and made assumptions. "I've noticed he's a little heavier set, are you sure he's not dieting?"

Levi glowered at her, offended that she assumed he was trying to change his appearance for such a superficial reason. "Yes, I'm sure. And he doesn't need to go on a diet," he hissed.

"I'm just making sure. I was honestly a little worried you might have told him that he needed to lose weight."

Levi's jaw dropped slightly. "You honestly believe I'd tell him such a shitty thing?!" He tried keeping his voice low, so he wouldn't risk Eren hearing. 

"I never know with you," Mikasa defended. "You've said some weird things to your last boyfriends."

"Well, I didn't say that to him. And you better not tell him he needs to lose weight."

"I won't! And I never said he did, I just thought maybe that's why he wasn't eating." 

Levi had to remind himself of what he would be thinking if he hadn't been aware of Eren's condition. And he couldn't really come up with an idea of what that would be. After knowing why Eren acted the way he did, he couldn't imagine thinking or treating him any other way. But he tried to look back and understand Mikasa's point of view. She didn't know, and he couldn't tell her. "Listen, he's just fine," he began in a calmer tone. "He eats plenty and that's all you need to know. He's... picky." Levi hated downsizing what Eren went through, but it was essential for his sake and for Mikasa's understanding. "And he's shy when it comes to eating in front of people. But he's okay. And he's perfect. His body is perfect. So, please don't make him self conscious for not eating and don't make him worry about his weight."

"I won't, don't worry," Mikasa said, sitting back. "And Levi?"

"Hm?"

Mikasa eyed Eren as he opened the bathroom door. "You hit the jackpot."

Levi followed her eyes, smirking when his gaze landed on his boyfriend. "You don't need to tell me, I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live for Levi protecting Eren.
> 
> This was a really important chapter for me to write specifically. Because I hate when people go all detective on me, trying everything they can to get me to eat with them. And it's worse when they give up and say "I'm not gonna eat if you're not gonna eat." Like, I get what you're doing and I know you have good intentions, but when you do that it makes me feel like an asshole.
> 
> If you liked this, please leave a comment or kudos! My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. This wasn't edited, I'm sorry for any mistakes. Thanks for reading! <3


	10. Junk Food

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi's date didn't go as planned, but it did help bring them closer together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, there's a lot of vomiting and talk of vomiting in this chapter. Oh goody. 
> 
> My excuse? I got sick recently and I've made the decision to have Eren suffer as I do. Enjoy.

Eren swept the floors at the boutique while Christa dealt with lingering customers. While working, his attention was caught by the door creaking open as the customers left and Levi walked in. He couldn't help but grin widely as he entered.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work?" Eren asked, greeting Levi with a kiss.

"I'm on break."

"No pda, or I'm docking your paycheck," Christa joked from the counter.

"Eh, worth it," Eren snickered, waving her off. "So, what brings you down here?"

Levi shrugged, mirroring Eren's smile. "Wanted to see you. And if there's anything you can think of that is, I was wondering if I could bring you anything from the bakery?"

"Thanks, but I can't eat anything from there anymore," Eren murmured, leaning on his broom. "I appreciate the thought though, that's sweet of you."

"It's nothing. Anything from a restaurant around here you'd like? I've got time."

Eren shook his head, still grinning like a fool for having such a thoughtful boyfriend. "No, but thank you." 

"What about a bouquet? Or a box of chocolates?"

Eren giggled at how far he was going.

"I'm sure he'd love a nice ring!" Christa said, tapping the cases at the counter. 

"Great idea," Levi joined in, leading Eren by the hand over to the glass casings. "Pick out anything you'd like."

Eren gently slapped Levi's arm while the other two shared a laugh. "I have work too you know!"

"I don't hear your boss complaining."

"You're just lucky they canceled my soap opera," Christa snorted. "I'll take any ounce of romance I can get."

"Works for me." Levi shrugged. He followed Eren as he went back to sweeping. "So, I was thinking maybe this weekend we could go to your place. I haven't been there yet."

"Sure, that sounds nice," Eren mused. "I'll text you my address." He paused for a moment, deliberating on whether or not he should vocalize his next offer, but quickly decided there was no harm in it. "... And tomorrow, I'll stop by the bakery and give you my spare keys. Just in case I'm doing something and I don't hear you at the door. The walls at my apartment aren't exactly thin."

"Alright, sounds like a plan." Levi gave him one last kiss before moving to exit. "I'll see you soon."

Eren waved as he left, still feeling just as giddy as when he first arrived. He loved that Levi took the time to drop by and pay him a visit. It made him feel special.

"You look like you're going to turn into a puddle of mush," Christa noted, giggling as she watched him. "You must really like him."

"Did you see him?" Eren whined, gesturing to the door. "He's so sweet and nice and... he's just perfect."

"No one's perfect. Even though he may seem like it."

"Well, he's as close as anybody can get," Eren said with certainty. "I kinda feel like I don't deserve him."

Christa rolled her eyes. "Eren, you're an absolute sweetheart, you deserve a guy who makes you feel like that."

Eren thought she was kidding him to make him feel better. He believed that Levi was far too good for him and there wasn't much else that would convince him otherwise. Regardless, he felt lucky and wasn't willing to give him up anytime soon.

 

~

 

Friday evening, Eren rushed around his house, trying to tidy everything up for Levi's arrival. Levi's apartment was practically spotless, and while Eren's home wasn't a mess, it did need to be cleaned over before he deemed it presentable.

After making sure he left nothing unchecked, he decided to have a snack before heading off to bed. His cabinets weren't very full, and neither was his fridge, but he had enough food. He fetched himself a plate of potato chips, considering it a meal, and sat at his kitchen table. 

He hoped that Levi wouldn't be too awfully hungry during his visit the next day. He wasn't positive that he had food that he'd enjoy or find normal. Eren didn't often have guests, so he didn't concern himself with waisting money on food for other people that he couldn't eat. All he had was salty junk food and sweets.

Once he finished his plate, he cleaned up after himself and headed off to bed. Settling under his covers, he felt his stomach turning lightly, but chose to ignore it. With such an awful diet, this was all too common, so he thought nothing of it. 

 

~

 

Waking up was exceedingly painful for Eren. As he fell asleep the night before, his stomach was only in mild discomfort, but now it was screaming and spinning. Eren clutched his stomach in the hopes that it would soothe it, but it was to no avail. And like so many other times, it ended in him running to the restroom to throw up the garbage he fed himself. 

After he ridded himself of what was left in his stomach, he slumped against the side of the toilet, feeling all his strength gone. And through his physical discomfort, the thing he was most concerned about was how he'd have to tell Levi he couldn't come. It was just his luck that his disorder had to ruin things like this for him. 

He waited twenty minutes to see if his stomach would act up again, and when it seemed fine, he hoisted himself up to brush his teeth and fetch a bucket. 

Moving on weak legs, Eren took his bucket into the living room and grabbed his phone on his way to the couch. He yanked on the light sheet that was draped across the back of the couch and splayed it over himself while dialing Armin's phone number.

It wasn't long before he answered. "Hello?"

"Hey, Armin."

"Hey, Eren. What's going on?"

"I'm sick again. You know more about health than I do. What should I do?" Typically Eren would get sick like this in the evening after a day of eating junk. He'd sleep it away and be fine by morning, but since he'd be awake to endure it this time, he was unsure of how he could take care of himself. 

"Aw, I'm sorry. Is it your stomach again?"

"Yeah," Eren grunted. "Got any advice?"

"Well... my main suggestion would be to eat something good for you when you get hungry. Vegetables tend to be harder on the stomach, so fruit would be the best. Anything that's not filling. Do you have any fruit?"

Eren groaned, squirming where he laid. "No, I have nothing."

"Okay. Drink lots of water, but not all at the same time. Pace yourself with it. Do you want me to come over to help you?"

"No, I'll be okay. Thanks though." Eren needed to know he could fend for himself. And he was certain he could do it.

"Alright, take it easy today. I hope you feel better."

"Thank you." 

They said their goodbyes and Eren worked on dialing Levi's number next. He really hoped he wouldn't be disappointing him too badly.

"Hey, Eren. I was just getting ready to text you that I'm on my way."

Eren felt even more guilty after hearing that. "Oh, um... Levi I'm so sorry, but we'll have to reschedule this. I'm really sick."

"Aw, that sucks. With what?"

"Nothing contagious, thank god. It's just that, well you know, when you eat garbage all your life you get sick a lot, heh." Eren breathed out a humorless laugh, despite how awful he felt.

"So, does this happen often?"

"Yeah, kinda. Usually it happens after I've been eating all day and I can just go to bed and I'd be alright by the time I wake up, but I got unlucky."

There was a brief pause before Levi spoke again, and Eren almost thought he'd hung up. "I'll be over shortly."

"Wait, no- what?" Eren spluttered. He was calling to tell Levi he couldn't come, not invite him over sooner. 

"I'm going to take care of you. I know how much it sucks to be alone when you're sick, so I'm coming to help you out."

"No, no, no, Levi. I'm okay, I can take care of myself."

"You said it's not contagious, so what's the problem with having somebody to keep you company?"

Eren couldn't argue with that, but he didn't want Levi to feel obligated. "Levi, it's not that. I don't want you to feel like you have to."

"I want to. I'll be over in a minute." Levi hung up before Eren could get another word in.

Eren supposed it wouldn't turn out too badly, even if Levi did end up wasting his time. He decided that once Levi started knocking at the door, he'd get up to answer it and show him how he could walk just fine and function without him. Though, he knew it would be a task and standing alone would make him dizzy. Then, he'd politely ask him to go back home and assure him he could handle being sick for one day. The only problem being, Levi didn't give him a chance to stand.

Levi arrived a little over twenty minutes after he'd ended the call. He knocked on the door, waited a moment, and just as Eren started to prop himself up on his elbows, he unlocked the door and peaked his head in to call for him. "Eren?"

Eren had forgotten that her given him the key and informed him of how difficult it was to hear through the walls. He sighed, knowing that he'd have a tough time standing and that wouldn't help him to prove he could take care of himself. "Levi, this isn't necessary."

Levi shuffled inside, gently closing the door behind him. "I don't care whether or not it's necessary. I want to make sure you're well taken care of."

Eren shook his head. "You should go home. I don't want you to waste your day with me while I'm sick. You'll be bored and I'm sure you've got better things to do. I'll be fine."

Levi slowly made his way over to the couch that Eren was laying on. "Don't worry about me. Besides, I'd feel terrible if I just left you here all by yourself when you're not feeling well."

"You shouldn't, though. I'm..." Eren paused as Levi sat next to him on the edge of the couch. "I'm alright... and I don't want you to see me puke if that happens again. It's gross."

Levi snorted. "I've been dragged along to bars with my sister and her friends only to spend the night holding her hair after her friends ditched us while she vomited until morning. I've seen people puke before, and while I don't enjoy it, I'm not going to let you go through it alone." 

Eren groaned, letting himself fall back onto the couch cushions.

Levi placed a hand on his boyfriend's forehead to see if it was hot, then slid it backward into his hair when he decided it was a typical temperature. "Tell me everything that's wrong. Unless you're too sick to speak."

Eren rolled his eyes, huffing out an amused breath. "I can talk, it's just my stomach."

Levi leaned down to kiss between Eren's brows and sat back, stroking his cheek. "Give me details."

"I'm just nauseous. My body's rejecting all this shit I eat and it feels like I've been kicked in the stomach."

"Do you need to go to the hospital?"

Eren chuckled breathily. "No, it's not that bad. I'm used to this, it'll pass by tomorrow."

Levi nodded and began staring into space, his thoughts elsewhere. After a moment he stood up and walked into the kitchen and started opening the cupboards at random.

"What are you looking for?" Eren called after him.

"Cups," Levi answered. "I'm getting you some water, you need to stay hydrated."

"They're in the cabinet next to the fridge."

Levi followed Eren's directions and worked on getting him water. "Do you have ice? Or straws?"

"There's ice in the freezer. I don't have straws."

Levi soon returned with a glass of ice water, setting it on the coffee table before pulling it slightly closer. "Can you sit up for a minute, babe?"

Eren tried to budge and Levi ended up helping him raise himself up. While he sat there, Levi arranged the back cushions and pillows so that Eren would be propped somewhat upright, so drinking wouldn't be a problem. Levi helped him lay back and held the glass to his face. "Is this comfortable?" 

Eren nodded, inching his face away from the glass. "Levi... I can hold the glass by myself, I'm not incompetent like this."

"Sorry," Levi excused himself, handing Eren the water. "Small sips, if you drink too much, it could induce vomiting."

Eren took a few sips and set the glass on the coffee table. He wanted to tell his boyfriend how he wasn't a child and knew those kinds of things, but he couldn't help but enjoy the attention he was being given. 

"Are you hungry? I know you're nauseous, but you should still eat at some point, something small."

"Um, I'm not hungry right now."

"Okay, well tell me when you do get hungry." Levi tried thinking of what else he could do to cure his ailment. After realizing their wasn't much to be done, he focused on keeping Eren comfortable and content. "Do you want the television on? Do you want to watch a film?"

"U-uh, I don't..." Before he could finish his sentence, Levi was up and looking beneath his television stand to look at his DVD collection. And he had to admit, a bit of background noise wouldn't be too bad. "I mean, sure."

And soon, Levi was on autopilot, doing everything he could for the other's comfort. 

 

~

 

Eren's stomach settled down and he regained his sense of hunger. As long as Levi was there to help, he thought he'd ask for assistance. "I'm hungry," he mumbled.

Levi sat up, now more attentive. "What do you want to eat?"

Eren pondered it over, remembering how Armin advised him to eat fruit. Eren didn't really want anything in his home, since it would all upset his stomach even more. But there was one thing that did seem appetizing that wouldn't cause too much damage. Something he hadn't eaten in ages. "An apple."

Levi lifted himself from the couch and wandered into the kitchen. "Do you keep them in the fridge?"

"I don't have any," Eren said, grimacing after not thinking through his response. Apples were all he wanted in the moment, so he answered Levi honestly. But unfortunately, he didn't have any, so he'd opt for going hungry.

Levi returned. "Okay, what kind do you like?"

Eren raised a questioning brow. "What difference does it make? I don't have any."

"Yeah, but there's a market across the street. I could run by and get you a couple."

Eren sighed, shaking his head. "You don't need to do that."

"It's no trouble, I'll only be gone for a minute."

"I don't want you to waste your money on me."

"It's not a waste. I'm going to get them no matter what you say, so you might as well tell me your preference."

He was right, so Eren relented. 

Levi wasn't gone for long, just as he promised. When he came back, he set to work, washing the apples and cutting them up into slices for Eren's convenience. While doing so, he started to hear groans and grunts from the living room, so he peaked around the corner to check up on his boyfriend. 

Eren was curled into a ball, grabbing at the sheets, forcing breaths out of his mouth and worming his legs in all directions, desperately attempting to calm the uneasiness in his stomach. 

Levi came to his side, worried for his wellbeing. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Eren grunted. "It just really hurts."

Levi felt so powerless, watching him rock himself through the pain. He tried to think of what would make him feel better if he were in Eren's situation and all he could think of was to place something warm on the area in pain. Without giving it much thought, Levi set his hand on Eren's stomach and started gently pressing into it, catching the exposed skin.

Eren stilled on instinct after feeling Levi's hand on a part of his body he was so insecure about. But after feeling the relief that came with it, he couldn't bring himself to push him away.

"Is that helping?"

Eren nodded hastily. "Yeah." 

Levi kept kneading Eren's stomach, weaving under his shirt to apply the warmth of his hand directly and kept doing so even after he had calmed down. "Are you okay?"

"Mhm," Eren hummed, still laboring his breathing. He couldn't even be bothered to worry about where Levi was touching him, it took the pain away so quickly. "Thank you," he breathed.

"Just take it easy." Levi never stopped his motions. "Do you think you can handle eating the apples, or is eating a bad idea?"

"I can eat them in a little bit."

Levi nodded. "Tell me when you want me to stop."

 

~

 

Levi sat against the back of the couch while Eren laid on his side, cradling his stomach. In all honesty, it wasn't that different from a regular date if it wasn't for Eren being ill. Levi would get up to change out the films when they had ended and topped off Eren's water when it got low. Occasionally, Eren's stomach would go into a fit of pain and Levi would stay by his side, rubbing his back to ease him through it. Eren couldn't believe Levi didn't mind putting in all this effort for him.

"Levi..." he murmured.

"Hm?"

"... Thank you for taking care of me."

Levi set a hand on Eren's arm, stroking it fondly. "Anything for you." He had no idea how much that simple statement meant to the other. "I imagine it hasn't been long since someone has stopped by to make sure you're okay when you're sick. You said this happens a lot, right?"

"Actually this is the first time anyone has taken care of me while being sick since I got into middle school."

Levi fixed him with a concerned look. "That long? What about your parents? Did they work?"

Eren shrugged. "My mom worked from home, but because I got sick so often, she started to think I was faking it to get out of school, so she thought I'd be fine by myself. Sometimes, even if I was vomiting, she'd make me go anyway, because she was so convinced I was making it up."

Levi's heart kept breaking whenever he'd learn more about how Eren was forced to deal with his disorder. "I'm sorry, baby, that's awful."

"It wasn't so bad, I got used to taking care of myself. It came in handy when I moved out. And people have offered to check up on me, I've just never needed them to." 

Levi wasn't satisfied with that. "Well, from now on, you have somebody to take care of you. Just let me know whenever you don't feel good, and I'll come to change that."

Eren appreciated the sentiment, but he wouldn't wish that upon Levi. And he was sure Levi wouldn't follow through either if he knew just how often this happened. His thoughts spiraled downward, and he couldn't stop himself from thinking of all the ways he was burdening Levi. He wanted a normal relationship more than anything, but he didn't feel that they'd have that if they couldn't so much as go on a dinner date and if Levi would keep taking care of him every time he got sick. "Levi." Eren called his attention. "I don't want you to think that I'm ungrateful for you taking care of me today, I really do appreciate it. But I can't have you doing this every time. This happens too much and I can't make you do this for me all the time."

"You're not making me do it," Levi countered. "I'm offering."

"And I'm declining."

Levi studied his features for a brief moment. "I don't see what the problem is. Am I doing something wrong?"

"No, you're not. It's just that this is a consistent thing. You might think that it'll only happen a few times a year, but I go through this a lot more than that."

"I know, you already told me."

"Yes, but I won't force you to follow through on that."

Levi took Eren's hand, trying to comfort him. "You're not forcing me into anything. It's my decision."

"But it's the wrong decision!" Eren argued. He didn't get why Levi wasn't understanding this. "It might not seem like much to you now, but you'll realize that you can't keep up. I want you to be happy in this relationship. And you can't be happy if you're constantly nursing me. I've taken care of myself enough times, I know how to do it."

"Eren..." Levi didn't want to be disrespectful, but he knew what he could and couldn't handle. "Baby, I want to be there when you need help. I know you can take care of yourself, I don't doubt that. But I like knowing that I'm doing all I can to help you get better."

Eren shook his head at him. "I want you to enjoy our time together. I don't want you to be stuck with me."

Levi was finally understanding what Eren meant. Eren didn't want to feel like he was trapping him into a relationship built around his condition. But Levi didn't see it that way at all. "I'm not stuck with you. I'm choosing to be with you."

Eren blew out a heavy breath. "I just feel like this relationship will be so much more work than any normal one. And I don't want you to work harder than you have to."

"This is a normal relationship. It's just different." Levi leaned in close to plant on kiss in Eren's forehead. "I don't mind putting in extra work where it's needed. I don't want to give up what we have going just because I'm not used to caring for someone like you. I really care about you, and I won't let you suffer alone for selfish reasons."

Eren didn't think he was special enough to be worthy of that kind of treatment. And he would've argued further if it wasn't for his stomach interrupting him. Just as he was about to respond, he felt a wave of nausea hit him like a train, and he was covering his mouth, shoving Levi away so he could get off the couch. 

Levi got the message and moved out of his way, but followed him urgently as he escaped to the bathroom. 

Eren made it just in time to heave into the toilet. Levi remained by his side the whole time, rubbing circles into his back. When Eren would have a moment to breathe, Levi weaved his arms around him to resume kneading his stomach as he did earlier, helping him ease the pain. 

It wasn't long before Eren was finished and slumped back, sitting against the cabinet beneath the sink. Levi left him only for a few seconds to dampen two washcloths. He slid back to the floor, handing Eren one to wipe at his mouth and set the other on his forehead to cool him down. 

"Sorry you had to see that," Eren rasped.

"You can't help it, I don't mind." Levi kept one hand on the wet washcloth on Eren's head and the other on his stomach while he tried to regain his breath. 

Placing a kiss on the top of his head, he sat closer, seated directly at his side. He hadn't planned on telling him today or this way, but he just needed him to know. "I love you."

Eren's eyes widened as he faced him, losing his breath all over again. He hadn't said it in a teasing tone, so he had no choice but to take him seriously.

"I mean it," Levi added quickly.

It wasn't ideal, and it certainly couldn't have been any less romantic, but Eren believed him. He'd just spent the entire day proving it to him. He leaned his head in Levi's shoulder, letting himself relax. "Of all the times you could think to say that, you choose to tell me after I've just finished puking my guts out?"

Levi chuckled lightly. "No time like the present."

Eren smiled against him, feeling his eyes prickling with tears. It might've been because of how he'd just exerted himself and endured so much discomfort. But it also could've been partially because he's was overwhelmed with his emotions. He knew he felt the same. Levi listened to him fully without talking back. He tried to understand him and didn't push him while still trying to help. He took care of him. He wanted him to get better without doing it his way. And that meant everything to Eren. "I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't tell whether or not this chapter sucked. And it's not edited, so I'm sorry for any mistakes. 
> 
> If you liked this, please leave a comment or kudos! My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thanks for reading! ^-^


	11. Small Bites

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren promises to bring Levi to meet his relentless mother and one looks forward to it much more than the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loooove writing Carla, so I have to include chapters with her.
> 
> Not all parents are the same, so they all behave differently to their children having ARFID. But I'm most familiar with how my parents reacted to it, so I based Carla's attitude after my parents. This is more of a filler chapter I suppose, I hope you enjoy!

Eren had recovered the day after, just like he knew he would. But Levi refused to leave him in case his upset stomach came back. Eren hadn't been watched over like this in so long, he was beginning to feel spoiled. And after they'd both confessed, he stopped worrying that he was burdening Levi. Neither left the others side until evening when Levi went home and Eren couldn't feel more at ease knowing that he had someone who'd be so patient and understanding with his struggles.

During work the next day, Eren wanted to go and see Levi at the bakery during his break, but after checking his phone in the back room of the boutique, he realized he had more urgent things to take care of. Twelve missed messages from his mother. The last one vulgarly asking him why he wasn't checking his phone. Instead of reading the rest, Eren opted for calling her to put her at ease. 

Sighing, he raised the phone to his ear, not even having enough time to prepare himself before his mother started shouting. 

"Eren Jaeger, you don't have the goddamn decency to answer me when I text you? Do you know how worried sick I am? No, you don't. You won't know until you have kids one day. Are you alright? How come—"

Eren pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, distancing the phone from his ear to save his hearing. "Ma," he interrupted. "Ma, I'm alright, just calm down. Why did you text me so many times? What's wrong?"

"Armin told me you were sick and I tried to call you two days ago, but you never called me back."

Of course, he'd forgotten to check his voicemail. She'd probably called when his stomach was acting up, and frankly he wasn't interested in checking his phone at the time.

"And I tried texting you this morning and you didn't say anything for hours. What am I supposed to think? I thought something terrible happened, what were you even sick with?"

"Upset stomach," Eren answered curtly, taking a seat. It was going to be a long conversation, knowing his mother.

"Oh, that? Trying to get out of work, were you?"

Actually, it might've been a rather short call. Eren was ready to hang up. "No, I don't work on the weekends. And I really was sick, and it hurt."

"Why did it hurt? Did you have food poisoning?"

"No, I got sick from what I eat everyday."

"My god, Eren. If you just ate like you were supposed to, this kind of thing wouldn't happen."

"Great advice, I'll keep that in mind," Eren drawled sarcastically.

"Don't take that tone with me. I'm serious. Do you know you could get diabetes or heart disease? Is that what you want? You need to learn to eat right or you're going to get very sick and you won't be abled to fix it. Do you know how much this worries me? Do you know how hard it is for me to know something like that could happen to you?"

Eren wanted to snap back at her and say that it was even worse for him, knowing any of those things could potentially happen and he had to make peace with the fact that he could do nothing about it. It terrified him, but he had to live with that knowledge. "Ma, I don't want to talk about this right now. I'm at work."

"Like I give a damn. You owe me this after ignoring me for days, letting me believe something had happened to you."

Eren rested his head in his hand, he brought this on himself by calling her.

"And how could you know something bad hasn't happened to your body already? Upset stomachs are uncomfortable, but they shouldn't hurt. And you were probably all by yourself, feeling helpless. How did you know you didn't have to go to the hospital? You didn't answer my calls, so you probably weren't able to call an ambulance if you needed to. What if one day that happens and you can't get help? These are things you need to think about—"

"Oh my god, could you calm down? Are you even breathing in between sentences?" Eren said. "It wasn't that bad, I didn't need an ambulance. Besides, my boyfriend was there and he took care of me. You don't have to worry." And within seconds, he was holding back his phone, seeing as his ears were assaulted by his mother's shrieking again.

"When the hell did this happen? Since when do you have a boyfriend? You never call me and I don't get to hear anything that goes on with you anymore—"

Eren's break was almost over and he needed to appease her quickly. He didn't need her upset with him for the rest of the day, he was too tired. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I didn't want you to scare him away—"

"Scare him away? I am a delight! I'm hurt you would think such a thing! What is the matter with you? Disrespecting your own mother like this, I only hope you'll have kids with just as much attitude as I had to deal with—"

"I'll bring him to meet you," Eren blurted out, instantly regretting it. "I... wanted to wait for a good time. He's a great guy, we'll figure out a time to visit, I think you'll like him."

"That sounds wonderful, what's his name?"

Eren rolled his eyes. He loved her, but she was such a handful that always needed to be pleased. "His name is Levi."

"That's a nice name. When are you two thinking of coming over?"

"I don't know, we need to talk about it. I'll tell you the details when we've discussed it, but I gotta get back to work." 

"You didn't meet him in a hookup did you? Eren, I swear to god—"

"Love you ma, bye." He hung up as fast as he could, leaning back in his chair. Just speaking to his mother took so much out of him. He checked the clock, seeing that his break was almost over, and hoped that Levi would forgive him for getting them stuck in a night with his mother. The best thing he could wish for is that his mother would simply forget about it, but hell would sooner freeze over.

 

~

 

"Again, I'm really sorry I promised her we'd come without talking it over with you first," Eren apologized, driving to his mother's house for dinner with Levi.

"Don't worry about it, I'm actually really excited to meet your mom," Levi assured him.

"... Why?"

Levi chuckled. "Because. It's supposed to be a big step, right? Do you not get along with her?"

"No, no, I do! It's just... I love my mom and I wouldn't trade her for the world. But she always finds a way to aggravate me without meaning to. And it just exhausts the hell out of me. She's very nice, but she doesn't know where boundaries are. Plus, she's a chatterbox."

"Her and my sister should hang out," Levi snorted. 

"That's a good idea," Eren laughed.

Levi got to thinking about the night ahead of them, and started to wonder. Hoping to gain understanding, he carefully asked, "So, just out of curiosity, how come you're not nervous about having dinner with your mother?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you don't seem to have a problem with having food with her."

"Well, yeah." Eren shrugged. "I lived with her for eighteen years, so eating around her isn't a big deal. I'm used to it. And she knows better than anyone what I can eat and what I can't, so I trust she's making something edible."

Levi nodded, figuring that that made sense. 

It wasn't long before they arrived at a small, quaint house, and pulled in the driveway. 

"Anything I should know before I meet her? To brace myself?" Levi asked, unbuckling his seatbelt. 

"She will ask invasive questions, and I cannot stop her. And she has no filter."

"Okay. I think I can handle that."

The two exited the car and entered the house, ready to see Eren's mother. Eren thought that Levi was as far more confident about this meeting than he should have been, but having a positive attitude could help. 

After stepping through the door, Eren knocked on the wall as they walked. "Ma, we're here."

Footsteps followed shortly after and Eren braced himself. Soon, his mother came from around the corner, rushing towards him with her arms held out, bringing him into a bone-crushing hug. "Eren! I'm so glad you're finally here!" She placed several kisses on the side of his face, which he crinkled his nose at.

"Yeah, m' glad we're here too."

She released her son and immediately looked Levi up and down, trying to get an opinion on him. "You must be Levi. Sorry I can't say I've heard a lot about you," she teased, side eying Eren. "My god, just look at you! My son has a great eye."

"Thank you, Mrs. Jaeger. It's nice to finally meet you." He went to shake her hand, but instead she took his forearm and started prodding around.

"Please, call me Carla," she said, working her way up his arm to feel his bicep. "Damn, so small yet so muscular. You must work out, huh?"

Levi furrowed his brows in confusion, feeling a tad uncomfortable. "... Actually, I—"

Carla cut him off by pinching his cheek and studying his face. "And you're so handsome! Eren, you didn't tell me he was handsome."

"Ma, come on. Don't do that," Eren whined. 

Carla placed her hands on Levi's shoulders, turning him in different directions to further observe him. "You have gorgeous hair," she commented.

"Thank y—"

"I can't find a thing wrong with him. Eren, where did you find such a man?"

Eren sighed, bringing a hand to his face. "Can you stop manhandling my boyfriend?"

Carla let out a chuckle, passing the two of them to get into the kitchen. "You know I love poking fun. Have a seat at the table, dinner's almost ready."

Eren took Levi's hand, leading him to the table. "I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"It's okay, she's funny."

"Just wait until the end of the night."

Levi got to thinking after a few minutes. "Is your father home too?"

"Goodness, no," Carla answered, having overheard him. "I divorced that bastard ages ago."

"They grew apart with a lot of fighting," Eren filled in for Levi in a hushed tone. "We don't talk about him in front of her."

Levi nodded in understanding, making a mental note to not bring him up.

Carla came and filled everyone's plates with spaghetti, bringing butter and garlic salt for Eren. She went back to the kitchen and brought out the sauce for herself and Levi. "Let me guess, Levi, you're not finicky like Eren, right? You'll eat normal spaghetti?" She asked, chuckling to herself.

Levi tossed a glance at an unamused Eren before answering. "Um... I'll eat it with the sauce."

"Of course you will," Carla mused, finishing his dish. "You obviously eat right, you're in such good shape."

Levi felt uncomfortable, more so for Eren than for himself. 

"What would you two like to drink?"

"Water is fine," Levi answered, Eren agreeing with him. 

Once everything was set out, Carla sat down and they began their meal. "Don't mind him, I'm sure you've already seen how picky he can be," she excused Eren, gesturing to his plate.

Levi started to understand why she exhausted Eren. "Yeah... but I don't mind. It's not a problem."

"Ha!" Carla barked out, making Eren look down at the table in shame. "Not a problem? For you maybe, but I'm not so happy about it. Levi, you seem like a sweetheart, so if you could do one thing for his benefit, help him to eat more like you."

Levi sat still, unsure of how to reply to that.

Carla leaned her elbows on the table to whisper to Eren, even though Levi could hear her clear as crystal. "Sweetie, you know I care about you and that's why I want you to change your diet. You're not at a healthy weight, and I think you've actually gained a couple pounds since you last visited. Take some pointers from your boyfriend."

Eren looked up at her, clearly frustrated. "Wow, thanks mom." He started eating and did what he could to tune her out.

"In your defense, it's been awhile since you visited, so you didn't gain it all at once. Which reminds me, do you want me to just waste away, all by myself in this house? You never come and visit me."

'I wonder why,' Levi sarcastically thought.

"I'll try to visit more," Eren sighed, knowing full well it was a lie.

"You bet your ass, you will. And bring Levi, I want to spend more time with you two. Oh my goodness, I've been rambling." Eren exhaled in relief, glad she was changing the subject. "So, give me all the details! How did you two meet? When did you start going out?"

Levi and Eren both lightened up and exchanged a glance, before Eren began the story. "Well, there's a bakery a couple stores down from where I work, and that's where Levi works. I went there a lot, and one day, Levi actually baked me a cake and asked me to go out with him. And I said yes."

"I had my eyes on him for awhile," Levi added. "He was a regular, so I knew when he'd come in and I didn't want to just say 'wanna go out?' So, I made him the cake, hoping it would help him say yes."

Eren laughed, nudging Levi's shoulder. "I would've said yes either way."

"Aw, that's so sweet... literally," Carla gushed, drawing out laughter from the two. "Baking a cake for you, what a charmer... wait." She eyed Levi amusedly. "It didn't have chocolate frosting, did it?"

Levi looked at her, befuddled. It had been awhile, but he'd stressed over the cake so badly, he remembered what it looked like. "Uh, yeah. How'd you know?"

Carla started snickering to herself, like it was the funniest thing in the world, while Eren looked to be about ready to hide in a hole. "He hates chocolate frosting," she said, pointing to her son.

Levi felt his heart drop. He felt so guilty for giving Eren something that could've repulsed him to no end. "Really?" He asked, facing him.

Eren shook his head frantically. "No! I mean, yes. I don't hate it all the time. I liked the frosting on the cake you gave me." He didn't want to hurt Levi's feelings. He wouldn't be able to bear it if he knew that his kind gift had been given to someone else because he couldn't stomach it. Levi may not have cared much, or at all, but it would devastate Eren.

"Oh, please!" Carla laughed. "I've never seen you eat it and enjoy it once! You've always hated chocolate frosting, always."

Eren sunk into himself. He couldn't convince Levi otherwise while his mother was sitting there. 

"It's okay if you didn't like it," Levi tried comforting Eren, setting a hand on his. "I didn't know. I just feel bad I gave you something you hated."

"No, don't feel bad! I—"

"Levi, dearie," Carla interrupted. "Never blame yourself. He doesn't eat a damn thing. It's all him, not you."

One look at Eren and Levi knew how hurt he was by his mother's short words. And it bothered him that Carla didn't even pick up on it. Though, Eren remained silent, so he guessed that talking back was a bad idea.

 

~

 

Carla took care of the dishes and took out a pie for dessert. She gave Levi a slice and set one aside for herself before sitting back down. Levi raised a brow as Eren sat without his own slice. He may have not liked pie, but Carla didn't even ask. 

"Um... what about Eren?"

"You're funny, he doesn't eat pie," Carla laughed. 

Levi looked to Eren and he nodded without seeming bothered, so he got the hint that Carla wasn't being rude. He still had so much to learn on what was insulting to Eren and what was only different from how he'd treat others. 

"Eren tells me you took care of him last weekend while he was sick," Carla began.

"Oh, yeah I did." Levi took a bite of his pie, letting Carla continue.

"Thank you for taking care of him. He told me he wasn't too awfully sick, but I don't know what to believe from him," she joked. "So, was he lying to me? Or was it mild like he said?"

"Well, it wasn't terrible, but being sick in general isn't so great. He seemed to have a grip on everything, but I wanted to be there to make it easier for him." Levi remembered how Eren was insistent on convincing him he had everything under control, but he also recalled how pained he looked. But to put Carla at ease and to keep Eren happy, he didn't mention just how bad it was.

"You're an angel for taking care of him. I remember how he'd get so ill when he was little, it was terrible. Then he started by saying 'can I stay home from school?' And he'd tell me how sick he was, but he never looked sick."

"I was sick, I just got used to being sick all the time," Eren argued.

Carla rolled her eyes. "Right, and I'm sure if that's true, then you still get sick all the time."

"I do," Eren spat.

Carla looked to Levi, as if to ask for a confirmation or dismissal. Levi nodded at her. "It's true, he gets sick often."

Carla sighed, studying Eren's frown. "You know, it's all your diet. If you don't want to always be sick, then you need to learn to eat more healthy food. You're hurting your body."

"Tell me something I don't know," Eren scoffed.

Carla shook her head and switched to talking to Levi as if Eren wasn't there. "I'm not sure how much he's told you, but he's been this way forever. Isn't it ridiculous?" She chortled. "He has the funniest way of eating. He might say otherwise, but he used to eat normally, you know. When he was very little he ate so well, then all of the sudden everything was 'gross' or he 'wasn't hungry.' I have no idea what happened to him."

Eren scooted his chair back, making a screeching noise against the floor, and stood. "I'll be back, I'm going to the restroom." He silently left, leaving his boyfriend with his mother, needing to get away from the passive torment.

Carla went on talking about how Eren used to be when he was younger, but Levi felt unsettled. He couldn't just let her keep treating Eren so disrespectfully, but he wasn't sure how to go about it. So, before Carla switched topics, he decided the least he could do was tell her to dial back. "Um, Mrs. Jaeger?" He began quietly.

"Carla," she beamed.

"Right, Carla. I... I don't mean any disrespect, and the last thing I want to do is cause any problems, but I feel like you should be a bit more considerate of Eren when you talk about his eating habits."

Carla cocked her head at him, slightly confused. "I only talk that way because I want him to be healthy."

"I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about when you're making fun of it, like its a light subject."

Carla nodded, now realizing what he was referring to. "Right. Well, Eren doesn't mind. He knows I'm only joking. I tease him about it all the time, but he knows I don't mean any harm."

"Actually, it's not like that," Levi corrected her, hoping he wouldn't offend her. "I'm not sure if you know this, but it really hurts him when you bring up his weight or when you talk about what he eats negatively."

Carla's grin fell, but just barely. She hoped that it wasn't as bad as Levi was making it out to be.

It was obvious that Carla didn't know about Eren's disorder, but he couldn't just tell her. So, he worked around the subject as best as he could. "Eren struggles with eating healthy. It's not that he doesn't try, it's just difficult for him. He's very insecure about his weight and he cares about his health much more than you think. And it's hard for him to hear everything you say."

Carla's expression lost its cheer as Levi went on. "... Has he told you this?"

No, but he didn't have to. Levi could see how her words affected him and it shocked him that she didn't. "You could say that."

Carla sat back, uncertain of what the proper response would be. "Oh..." she breathed, scratching the back of her head. "Well, I feel foolish. I can't believe I've been doing that."

"I don't think you should kick yourself over it, but I'm pretty sure it would mean a lot to Eren if you just refrained from it from now on."

"I only want him to be healthy. I didn't think I was hurting his feelings all this time, he just never seems to give a damn about what he eats." She stared down at her plate, trying to put the pieces together in her head, looking for anything she'd missed that could've clued her in on how she was making her son feel.

"I can almost guarantee you that he's far more worried about his health than anyone. He wants to be better, but he can't."

Carla started shaking her head before Levi finished his sentence. "No, it's so much more difficult for a parent. Seeing your kid putting their body through so much. I don't want to be a pessimist, but it's only a matter of time before he gets an illness he can't get rid of."

That was a fact Levi wanted to ignore. He didn't want to think about Eren getting worse than he already was. "Well... as hard as it is for you to see it, imagine how much harder it is for him to live through it. He's the one that has to endure whatever happens to him—"

"If anything happened to my son, it would kill me."

Levi lost anything he had to say. He couldn't put himself in her place, but he also knew that it would tear him apart if Eren became severely ill, or worse. Carla may have had an odd way of showing her love, but she cared about her son like most other mothers. 

"Are you serious about Eren? About your relationship, I mean," Carla inquired.

"Yes. I love him," Levi answered with no hesitation. 

Carla was ready to ask a followup question, but her attention shifted to Eren returning from the bathroom. He slumped back into his chair, looking absolutely exhausted. "Were you still trying to embarrass me while I was gone, ma?"

"No," Carla said, smiling vaguely. "We were talking about what you were like when you were a little boy."

"Oh, were you?" Eren sighed, rather disinterested. 

"Yes..." Carla turned to Levi. "Has he ever told you that when he was little, he wanted to be a pirate when he grew up?"

Levi huffed out an amused breath. "No, he hasn't."

"Ma," Eren groaned. Though it was more of an annoyed complaint rather than one of genuine anger.

Carla nodded. "Mhm. He thought it was a real job. The best part was he only wanted to be one because he thought he'd get a parrot. He loves animals and somehow being a pirate was the easiest way to get a pet in his mind."

"Oh, I know he loves animals. Whenever we walk in the park, he always makes sure we stop by the pond to see if the ducks are out," Levi added.

"He still does that?" Carla laughed.

"You guys," Eren whined.

"We used to go to the park all the time and he'd practically drag us along to see them. Once we got there, he'd try to name them all, and he picked different names every time. Does he still do that, too?"

Levi pretended to be disappointed. "No. Maybe that's what we should do on our next date."

"You two love to see me suffer, don't you?"

Levi snickered while leaning over to peck Eren on the cheek, causing him to ease up. He remained somewhat pouty, due to his mother and boyfriend poking fun at him, but he wasn't upset the way he was before, which made Carla and Levi happy.

 

~

 

Carla continued to tease Eren lightheartedly, telling Levi different stories of when he was young or about his attitude he had during his teen years. It may have been humiliating for Eren, but none of it was truly hurtful. He was just glad Levi was finding it all hilarious and enjoying their visit. 

Eren and Levi stood from their seats and started shuffling towards the door at the end of the night. "Thanks for the dinner, ma. It's getting pretty late, so we should be on our way."

Carla also stood to see them to the door. "Alright then. Be careful on the roads."

"What do you mean? The weather's perfectly fine."

"Don't talk back to your mother, I want you to be safe. The weather always turns on you when you start to feel comfortable."

Eren rolled his eyes at her. "Right, of course." He winced as she brought him into another death grip of a hug. "Love you, I'll see you soon."

"You better keep that promise or I'll beat your ass," Carla warned. "And answer my damn phone calls."

"I will," Eren huffed.

Carla released him at long last and stepped over to Levi.

Levi held out his hand for her to shake. "It was really nice meeting you— oof!" Carla ignored his outstretched hand and brought him into a painful hug, just like she had with Eren. Levi awkwardly hugged her back.

"I'm so glad I got to see my son's secret boyfriend. Don't be a stranger!"

"I won't," Levi wheezed out.

"I can't take care of him anymore," she said much more quietly. "So, can you take care of him for me?"

"I will. I promise." He would've done so even if she hadn't asked.

Carla let him go to plant one more kiss on the side of Eren's face. "He's a keeper," she whispered.

"I know," Eren murmured back, feeling a blush creep onto his cheeks. "Goodbye, ma."

"Bye, sweetie," she said, waving. "Bye, Levi." She patted his back as he walked past her and out the door with Eren.

"Goodbye, Carla."

"Let me know when the wedding is!" She hollered as Eren shut the door. 

Levi barely hid his bubbling laughter as Eren groaned into his hand. "I'm so sorry you had to endure that," Eren apologized.

"It's okay. I think it was a good time for all of us. More so your mom and me, but you know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the last you've seen of Carla, she'll be returning sometime!
> 
> Next chapter will be a little bit of a treat for you guys for staying this long! (I just hope I can execute it well, eek)
> 
> If you liked this, pretty please leave a comment or kudos, that would make my day!!! I'm sorry for any errors, I didn't edit. My tumblrs are dr-s--art & the-witch-daddy. Thank you so much for reading!!!!


	12. I'll Eat You Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi spoils Eren and they take their relationship to the next step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! 
> 
> I wanted to have this up much earlier, but what can you do. (But I'm so glad I got it up on Valentine's Day and it's fitting, ten points to ravenclaw)
> 
> This chapter is completely skippable for those of you who aren't interested in NSFW stuff, but for those who do enjoy it, this chapter is a treat for supporting this fic and sticking with it! Keep in mind, I haven't written smut in so long, so I'm sorry if it's not up to par, but I worked hard on it. Hopefully it's good! Enjoy, everybody!!!

Back at Levi's apartment, Eren asked if he could spend the night again, and of course Levi would never tell him no. It had become a routine at this point. As they settled into bed, Levi noticed that Eren was momentarily hesitant to remove his jeans again, still self conscious over his body. He always was. But eventually, he did make the decision to be rid of his jeans before hiding under the covers and snuggling close to Levi. 

Levi wrapped his arm around Eren's shoulders while Eren laid his head on Levi's chest. "Do you want to go out somewhere for breakfast tomorrow?" Levi asked. "I don't know if I have anything you can eat."

Eren shrugged lazily. "That's up to you, I don't mind either way."

It had been a long day for Eren, Levi wanted to spoil him. He wanted to take away the stress that had been building up. And since he was learning more and more about the difficulties he had to struggle with, he wanted to constantly make sure he knew he was loved and treat him to make up for all his hardships. Taking him out for breakfast was just one idea he had conjured up to indulge him. 

Levi began messaging his shoulders, glad to hear a relaxed hum from his boyfriend. "Are you tired?"

"Emotionally, yes. Physically? No."

Levi's chest reverberated with his laughter. Their visit with his mother did mostly consist of sharing embarrassing memories at Eren's expense after all.

Levi leaned in to place a lingering kiss on Eren's lips, feeling him smile on contact. "Did that help?" He asked as he pulled away.

"A little," Eren snickered. "Might work more if you did it again."

Smirking, Levi dove back in. "Tell me when to stop," he said just before their lips met. He adjusted himself so that he was hovering comfortably over Eren.

Eren laid flat on his back, throwing his arms around Levi's neck to keep him close. He adored when Levi would do this. He loved soaking up every bit of attention given to him, especially when Levi treated him so gently. Like he was the most precious thing in the world.

Levi wove his fingers through Eren's hair with one hand and caressed his shoulder with the other. All the while, Levi lightly flicked his tongue out over Eren's lips, asking him for entrance, which Eren gladly granted him. 

Eren hummed contentedly beneath him, feeling their tongues making contact. He'd had a couple boyfriends before, but nobody made him feel loved and excited like Levi did. 

Levi was never so good with initiating these kinds of situations. His first instinct was to ask Eren how he'd feel about progressing, but whenever he did this with past lovers, he'd kind of blurt out the question, wording it awkwardly. This had a tendency to kill the mood. Since he was clueless when it came to romance, he could never tell if it was because he'd asked at all or if it was how he'd asked. So, he decided to just go forward, hoping he was doing this right.

He pulled back to start placing a trail of kisses down Eren's jaw, which he visually appreciated. Eren seemed to relax more and more as he continued.

Levi stopped his path once he reached his neck, sucking gently and listening to Eren's breathing. The noise was so faint, but it was like music to his ears. He ventured upwards, starting to nip at Eren's ear, causing him to moan involuntarily. He took a mental note that he was sensitive there. 

Slowly, he brought the hand on his shoulder downward and placed it on Eren's bare knee, lightly bringing it up before he gently grabbed his thigh. 

Upon doing so, Eren jolted away from him, taking a hold of his wrist to pry it off his thigh. He stared bug-eyed into Levi's eyes, wary and calculating. "Hey, um... whatcha doing there?"

Levi stared back, realizing his error and uncertain of how he should respond. "I'm..." He inched back a bit to give Eren space while he thought through his next actions. He didn't want to put him in an uncomfortable spot. "You want me to stop?"

Eren nodded, watching his boyfriend's movements.

Levi sat up, feeling his stomach twist with the thought of how pressuring he must've seemed just then. "God, I'm so sorry. That was really shitty, I should've asked." He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. 'Stupid! Why am I so bad at this?' He thought to himself.

Eren sat up against the headboard, bringing the blanket with him to cover up his legs. "It's okay, it's just... I won't be any good like this."

Levi raised a brow at him. "Huh?"

"I'm not ready," Eren elaborated. 

Levi nodded in understanding. "Right. Well, we don't have to do anything until you're ready."

Eren gave a small smile that faded almost instantly as he lowered his gaze.

Levi took his hand and tilted his chin upward to face him. "Are you okay? If I was way too forward, I am so sorry—"

"No, it's not that," Eren interrupted. "I just feel guilty for having to make you wait so long. It'll be awhile until I'm presentable for sex."

Levi thought that was an odd choice of words. "Presentable?" He sat closer, throwing one arm around Eren's shoulders, keeping their hands interlocked.

Eren nodded. "And I have no idea how long that'll take, but it won't be soon. It's not that simple, it'll take so much work. And I don't want to keep you waiting."

"... I'm lost."

Eren bit his lip, turning his face away, feeling the shame overcome him. "I want to look good for you."

"But you already look good. Babe, you're gorgeous."

"No— ugh, that's not what I mean. It's my... I'm..." He stammered, annoyed that it wasn't obvious to Levi. He whispered his reply, though they were alone, not wanting to dwell on the subject. "I'm talking about my body."

Levi squinted at him. "What's wrong with it?"

Eren gawked at him. "Are you serious? I'm so overweight, it would be so disgusting for you. I want to look nice for when we get intimate." He began feeling sick. He knew his body looked the way it did because of his disorder and that couldn't be fixed. He was stuck with it. He started to lose control of his breathing, realizing he may never have his ideal body for being physical with Levi. The only way it could change was if a miracle happened and they discovered treatment for it, or if he put himself through an intense workout routine and force fed himself proper food daily. Neither seemed likely. Research wasn't progressing, and if he force fed himself everyday, he'd get sick after every meal and in turn, sacrifice a good portion of his mental health that came with eating his safe foods. He didn't want to make peace with the fact that his body would probably never change, he wanted to have some hope. Just as his thought became nearly too overwhelming, Levi caught his attention.

"How could you say such an awful thing?" Levi murmured. "I already told you, you're perfect. Everything about you is so perfect, you don't need to change anything."

Eren frowned at him. "I need to change everything. Do you realize how unhealthy I am? This isn't normal, I'm not how I should be. My body doesn't work properly, I'm not supposed to be this size. This isn't a good thing."

Levi sighed. He couldn't erase everything that Eren thought about himself, but he could let him know how he felt. "You're right. You are unhealthy, and it's not good to be unhealthy. And you are overweight. But being unhealthy and overweight doesn't make you ugly or disgusting. You can't help that you suffer through your disorder, but you shouldn't think you're unattractive because of it."

Eren eased up as Levi went on, but still couldn't agree completely with him. 

"To me, you are the most stunning person in the world. I love so much more than your appearance, because you're not just a body. You're funny, you're considerate, and you're determined... there's so much about you that I love that has nothing to do with your looks, but you are so handsome. And I don't want you thinking you're not because of something you have no control over. You may have an eating disorder, but that doesn't mean your body isn't absolutely beautiful."

Eren felt put off by Levi's last statement, hoping he wasn't insinuating what he thought he was. "So, what? You're saying I'm beautiful because of ARFID?" He hated even saying it, there was no beauty in his disorder.

"No, I'm saying you're beautiful and you happen to have ARFID," Levi corrected. "If you didn't have ARFID and you were the same size you are now - or if you were bigger or smaller - I would still think you're every bit as beautiful as you are now. With or without your disorder, no matter how much you weigh, I can't take my eyes off you."

Eren's heart skipped a beat, but he still didn't think he could go through with having sex with Levi looking the way he did. "You say that now, but you haven't seen my body."

"Eren, I swear to god, if you say one more bad thing about yourself, I'm going to... be very upset," he finished lamely, unable to bring himself to threaten Eren, even if it was jokingly.

Eren snickered at his response, which made Levi feel better.

Levi took Eren's jaw in his hand, facing him and looking into his eyes. "Every part of you is perfect. I know you're not healthy, and I want you to be, but you're still breathtaking. You look magnificent right now, you don't need to wait until you look different. Now, if you don't want to have sex, then we won't. But if you do want to, don't stop yourself because of the way you look. We can wait as long as you need, but I won't have you thinking you're anything less than perfect."

Eren melted into his touch, comforted by his words. "Why are you so good to me?"

"Because I love you."

"I love you too," Eren said, pecking his lips. "And... I do want to get intimate with you. But I've kinda ruined the mood now, so tonight's not good."

Levi huffed out an amused breath, sliding his arms down to hold Eren to him. "That's okay, we can do it whenever you'd like."

"Okay." Eren nodded, trying to think of a good time. "But... there's still a couple things I'm worried about for our first time together."

"Alright. Well, talk to me about it. I want you to be completely comfortable and have a good time."

Eren took a deep breath, gathering all his thoughts so he could articulate his concerns. "I... I would like it if your hands didn't linger on my sides. I'm not saying you can't touch anywhere on my stomach or waist, but I just don't want you to hold me there. I know that's a weird thing to request..."

"No, no, it's not weird. If it's important enough for you to bring up, then it's not weird." Levi began stoking his arm to ease his concerns. "Anything else you need me to know?"

"Yes. Don't scratch me if you can help it. Biting is fine if it's gentle, I just wouldn't want to be scratched. Is there anything you're uncomfortable with?"

Levi snorted. "I'll be good as long as you don't pull my hair. Is it okay if I leave marks?"

Eren nodded. "I can hide them from my boss," he chuckled. "Might want to show them off to my friends though. So I can brag about you."

Levi nuzzled his cheek affectionately. "I should be bragging about you."

"You're a sap," Eren laughed, leaning into him.

"You make me a sap." Levi instantly started brainstorming ideas of how he could make their first time special. "When would be the best time for you?"

Eren shrugged. "The weekend, I guess. Next weekend would be nice."

Levi hummed in response. "I'm gonna take you grocery shopping with me so we can pick out meals that you like. And I'll make dinner for you. With candles and everything."

Eren giggled at the idea. "Wow, such a charmer."

Levi lightly nipped at his cheek in retaliation, making him laugh harder. "I wanna do it right. I want everything to be perfect for you. Should I put rose petals on the bed for you?"

Eren's laughter only got worse. "No, that's a bit much."

"You sure?"

"Yes," Eren snickered.

"Fine, if you want a rose-less bed, then that's what you'll get."

 

~

 

They did just as Levi planned. They went grocery shopping together, Eren being apprehensive at the beginning. He knew Levi wanted to have a proper, romantic dinner, but he couldn't think of many foods that Levi wouldn't raise a brow at.

But Levi was patient, and he was understanding. Eren did like salad, but it was such a watered down version of what he imagined people would normally eat. He'd only eat lettuce with croutons and pepper. Levi didn't think that was odd and told him he'd make separate batches for each of them. He also found out that Eren was a fan of garlic bread and took note of his preferences. Afterwards, they gathered small snacks and found desserts that Eren liked and headed to Levi's apartment. 

Levi had lit candles, just like he promised, which Eren found somewhat comical. He instructed him to watch television or occupy himself while he prepared dinner, and Eren started to walk away, but absentmindedly ventured back into the kitchen. He watched with hawk eyes as Levi made the garlic bread and decided he was doing it to his satisfaction. But when Levi started on the salad, he started hovering behind him, watching every step.

Levi noticed his presence and turned to face him. "Everything alright?"

Eren nodded. "Mhm."

"... You can sit down if you'd like."

"I'm fine here."

Levi shrugged it off and separated the chopped lettuce into two bowls, preferring there to be more ingredients in his own salad.

"My mom always hated making two separate meals," Eren commented. "When I was a teenager, I just made my own dinner."

Levi nodded in acknowledgment. "Did it bother you?"

"Not really. Because when I make food for myself, I know I can eat it. I can only eat stuff that I make, my mom makes and food from familiar restaurants. And sometimes my best friend can make stuff I like. But there are some foods that are hard to fuck up that I can eat almost anywhere."

"Well, after tonight, you can add another person to the list," Levi said optimistically.

Eren hummed affirmatively, but remained skeptical. 

Levi took out a bottle of vinaigrette from his cupboards and drizzled it lightly over his bowl of salad. Then he moved to do the same to Eren's but was stopped.

"Ah ah, no!" Eren stuttered, panicking as he pushed Levi's hand away. 

Levi retracted his hand and widened his eyes at him. "Is everything okay?"

"What is that?" Eren pointed accusingly at the bottle.

"... Vinaigrette?"

"Please don't put that on mine." 

Levi eyed the lettuce, then looked back at Eren. "But then it won't be salad. It'll literally just be lettuce in a bowl... with croutons."

Eren shrunk into himself. "I know. But that's the only way I can eat it."

Levi saw how embarrassment started to settle on his shoulders, so he tried to make up for it. "Um... that's okay. You know, since you're not adding cheese or anything like that on it, it's pretty healthy. I'm glad we found something you like that's good for you."

Eren let a small grin form. "Yeah. I like a couple raw vegetables, just not together. And I don't like them cooked or steamed."

"You know they're actually better for you raw. Maybe I could get salad for you more often and whatever other vegetables you can eat. And that'll help you from getting sick, right?"

"Yeah. That would be nice." Eren didn't tell him it wouldn't be that easy. He'd need to eat platefuls of vegetables to be healthier, but it was sweet that Levi had cared enough to consider it. 

 

~

 

The two finished their meal and Levi waited expectantly for the verdict. Granted, Eren seemed enthusiastic about everything he'd made and didn't appear to dislike anything he'd eaten, but he wanted to be sure that he enjoyed his dinner. 

"So... what did you think?" Levi asked, gesturing to their plates.

Eren smiled back at him. "Everything was great. I haven't had a meal like that in a long time."

"Good, I'm glad." Levi stood to take care of their plates.

Eren watched him begin cleaning everything off and felt his heart swell. "You don't know how much it means to me that you did all of this, do you?"

Levi looked over his shoulder at Eren. "It's not that fancy. One of these days, we'll have a nice dinner date that'll be much more special than this."

"This is a big deal for me."

Levi halted his work to fully face his boyfriend.

"I don't even make proper meals for myself. It's too much work. And you took me with you to be sure that you got something I liked, and you didn't shoo me away when I was watching you make everything. It may not seem like a lot to you, but this made me really happy." 

Levi wanted him to be that happy all the time. He wanted to give him things that he considered to be luxuries. "Well, how about every time you come over, we do this? It's not too much trouble, this way you can get a real dinner more often."

"I think... I think that would be really nice," Eren mused. He didn't want to get overwhelmed in front of Levi, so he changed the subject. "Do you need any help washing the dishes?"

"No, I can do it. You go relax on the couch."

Eren got up from his chair and shuffled over to Levi. "You shouldn't have to do all the work."

"But I want tonight to be all about you," Levi argued, placing a kiss on Eren's cheek. "Besides, there's not a lot to clean."

Eren tried suppressing a blush. "But I want to help."

"Eren, if you lay one finger on these dishes, I will never kiss you again."

Eren stepped back with a laugh, holding his hands up in defense. "Okay, fine. I'll be waiting on the couch."

He wasn't waiting for very long. After Levi finished up with washing the dishes and blowing out the candles, he joined Eren in the living room and threw a film into the DVD player. He dropped himself down on the couch with his boyfriend, setting an arm around his shoulders. Eren cuddled into him and relaxed as the film went on. Dinner left them both feeling stuffed and lethargic, so taking it easy with a comedy on the screen seemed to be the best way to gain back their strength. Levi loved how he could feel so comfortable in their shared silence. Simply being in each other's presence was comforting. 

Eren breathed in Levi's light fragrance, noticing that it was slightly different than usual. Levi had probably put on some cologne for the occasion, he thought. Though, he didn't really mind. He basked in the warmth they shared, feeling completely at peace. Off the top of his head, he couldn't think of many people he'd ever met that had such an affect on him. Levi was always so caring to him, and inviting. He couldn't imagine feeling the same way with anyone else.

Levi pulled Eren closer halfway through the film. He couldn't get enough of him. He'd fallen hard for people before, only for the relationship to be cut short, but what he had with him was different. Eren had this aura that attracted him and made him feel like his efforts were noticed and appreciated. As awkward as he was in relationships, he wanted to be the one always spoiling his partner. He had so much to give and he finally felt that he could do that with Eren. 

When the film ended, Levi stood to turn the television off, then stepped back in front of Eren. He cocked his head to gesture to his room. "It's late," he said.

Eren's breath hitched, he was fairly certain of what would be happening shortly, and his head was clouded with eagerness and also a bit of apprehension. He hoisted himself up off the couch and took Levi's hand, following him into the bedroom. 

Levi closed the door behind them and led Eren over to the bed. He was certain that they both had the same plans, but to avoid making the same mistakes he had to ask. "Are you ready to do anything tonight?"

Eren sat at the edge near the nightstand. He smiled as he bit his lip. "Yeah. I'm just a little nervous." He waited until Levi sat beside him to continue. "I've never done this before."

Levi widened his eyes. "... Really?"

Eren nodded shyly.

"Oh, um..." He scratched the back of his head in thought. "Fuck, if I'm your first, that means that I'll have to be really good."

Eren cackled out a laugh. "Hey, if it makes you feel better, I have no one to compare you to, so I have no expectations. Besides, I probably won't be too great at first."

Levi smiled at his amusement and took both of his hands into his own. "I just want us both to have a good time."

Eren nodded. "Yeah, me too. I don't care if it's mind blowing or not. I don't think I want that for my first time either."

"Right, so... just a recap. You don't want your sides or stomach to be held, and no scratching. Leaving marks is okay, as long as I'm gentle. Anything else I'm missing?"

"Nope, just go slow and we'll be alright. And you don't want your hair to be pulled," Eren recalled. 

Levi nodded, stroking Eren's hands with his thumb, looking out into space. "I really want this to be special for you. I want you to have the perfect first time."

"It doesn't need to be perfect. But it'll be perfect because it's you."

Levi snorted, rolling his eyes. "Who's the sap now?"

"Still you," Eren chuckled, kissing Levi's cheek. 

Levi frowned halfheartedly. "Just get on the bed and lay down," he deadpanned.

Eren giggled, feeling a bit less anxious about the whole thing now that they were both in a playful mood. He moved back to get centered on the bed like Levi had asked and waited for him.

Levi crawled over to lean over Eren like he had the first time he tried this. In his haste, he hit his head against the wall, creating a dull thud. "Ow," he muttered, feeling his forehead where he'd hit it.

Eren covered his mouth as he started giggling uncontrollably at Levi's clumsiness. "Wow, you're so good at this. I just came."

"Hey, fuck you," Levi spat.

"I've been waiting for you to," Eren countered sarcastically.

Levi exhaled heavily, seeing how the one below him was finding this to be much more funny than he was. "I changed my mind, we're doing this another night."

Eren grabbed his shoulders as he began to turn away. "No, no!" He laughed. "I'll be serious, I swear."

Levi huffed out a breath and returned. "... Fine."

"Just stop hitting your head."

"Eren, I swear to god—"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry," Eren kept laughing beneath him. "It was just so funny!"

Levi couldn't help but smirk amusedly as well, he dropped his head down by Eren's, groaning into the pillow. "This is not how I planned this to go."

Eren rubbed his arm, trying to comfort him. "It's alright, Levi. I don't mind that you suck at this," he joked.

"I wanted it to be romantic," Levi whined indignantly. "But I'm a fucking clutz, and you're all giggly."

"Baby, you hit your head once. And I can calm down, it's okay," Eren assured him, kissing his shoulder. "Wanna start over?"

Levi sighed, nodding. "Yeah. I like that idea."

"Okay," Eren agreed, watching Levi sit upright. "... Be careful of the wall."

"Holy fuck, Eren!"

 

~

 

Eventually Eren was able to stifle his laughter, and Levi successfully held himself above him, connecting their lips in a sweet kiss. After their little laugh session, most of their nerves had dissipated, so becoming intimate came more easily. Eren soon became pliable under Levi, and allowed him access, opening his mouth for Levi's tongue to slip in.

As they kissed, Levi pulled his jacket off his shoulders and worked on sliding up Eren's shirt. He kept in mind that he wasn't supposed to let his hands stay near his stomach for too long, so he tried to be quick about it.

Eren shuddered as he felt Levi's hands on him and pulled back from there kiss when he realized what Levi was doing.

Levi stilled, waiting for a reaction. "Are you okay?"

Eren nodded slowly. "Yeah, but, um... I'm still a little nervous. I don't know what you'll think when I'm out of my clothes."

"It's okay. Nothing bad will happen, I'm not going to think anything terrible," Levi promised him. "You'll always be beautiful to me."

Eren took a few moments to settle down. He nodded to show that he was ready and Levi gave him one more kiss before pulling him up to take off his shirt. Eren instinctively brought his legs up and crossed his arms to cover himself when Levi didn't say anything for a moment. 

Levi took in what he looked like. Eren did have a wider, pudgy stomach with stretch marks near his waist line, but Levi loved it. He'd never seen Eren in a sleeveless shirt either, so he noticed that his arms were also a bit thicker than the average person, but he didn't care. And even though Eren was in a defensive position, Levi thought he looked absolutely precious. He wasn't certain if Eren would be okay with it, but wanted to pepper kisses all over his smooth, soft torso. It was only when Eren started breathing faster from his nerves that Levi realized he was staring.

"God, you're breathtaking," Levi murmured.

"What—?" Eren was cut off when Levi grabbed him by the shoulders, pushing him back down into the mattress to kiss him with more fervor. 

"Don't talk badly about your body ever again," Levi said, his lips mere centimeters from Eren's. "I won't allow it." He ran his hands over Eren's chest and abdomen over and over, feeling every inch of him that he could reach. He made sure to not keep his hands still so he wouldn't make his lover uncomfortable. 

Eren was in too much shock to get out a coherent reply. He moaned as Levi traveled down, leaving kisses on the juncture of his neck and shoulder. He didn't know what to do with himself, receiving all the attention, so he started tugging at Levi's shirt as well, hoping he'd get the message. 

Luckily, he did. Levi sat back and threw off his shirt and suddenly, Eren was the one in awe. He knew Levi was well built, but he'd never seen him shirtless with his sculpted body on display. He began feeling insecure compared to him but that went away when Levi cradled his cheek tenderly, looking lovingly into his eyes. 

"Is this okay?" Levi asked, tugging on Eren's jeans with his free hand.

Eren felt more confident by the minute with Levi treating him so carefully. "Yes."

Levi tugged at his pants and Eren shifted his hips to assist him. Levi's jeans followed soon after and he was left admiring Eren's form once again. His legs were as thick as he imagined and had their own stretch marks in his inner thighs. Before Eren could get too self conscious again, Levi decided to distract him. "How far are you willing to go?" He asked, stroking his thigh.

"I'm up for anything," Eren answered honestly. 

"What do you want?" Levi needed to be certain of what he was allowed to do.

"I... I want to go all the way," Eren stammered.

"All the way where?" Levi teased.

"Stop that!" Eren slapped Levi's arm, having none of his sarcasm.

"Hey, I'm only getting revenge for earlier." Levi made it up to him by pecking his lips softly. "But I'm done messing with you. Are you nervous?"

"A little, but I'm more excited. Should I be nervous?"

Levi shook his head. "No. At first, it'll feel kinda... weird? I guess that's the way to put it. And it might even hurt, but I promise it's not that bad. And after that, it'll feel so good. You just need to tell me if something doesn't feel right, okay?"

"I will."

"Good. Now, are you ready?"

Eren gave one last nod and Levi was back on top of him, lightly biting at his neck. Taking a chance, he slowly rolled his hips against Eren's, glad to receive a beautiful, low groan from him. 

Eren clung onto his back as he started going a little faster. He could only imagine what it would feel like with Levi inside him, but he wouldn't be waiting for long. 

Levi stilled his motions to paw through his bedside table for the necessary supplies. He sat back with two condoms pulled out, along with lube. He thumbed at the waistband of Eren's boxers, asking for permission. Eren nodded and Levi pulled them down, tossing them aside. Levi observed him for only a moment, not wanting him to feel self conscious again. One look at his face told him how vulnerable he felt.

Levi rolled a condom onto Eren's hardening length and gave a couple languid strokes to put him at ease. Eren held the back of his hand to his mouth to prevent any embarrassing noises from slipping out. As Levi reached for the lubricant, he started to panic. "Levi, wait."

Levi peered down at him, hoping everything was still okay. "What is it?"

"Aren't you gonna...?" He nodded towards Levi's boxers, he didn't want to be the only one completely bare. "You know."

"Oh, right." Levi got the message and slid off his last remaining article, exposing his fully hard cock. "Shy, are you?" He taunted.

"Yes!" Eren whined.

Levi snickered to himself. "That's okay." He went for the lube again and sat between Eren's legs. "Now, get comfortable. This is gonna feel odd at first."

Eren nodded and adjusted himself on the bed, grabbing a hold on the pillow and the sheets to prepare himself. He wasn't scared about how it would feel. He trusted Levi entirely. He just was unsure if Levi would enjoy himself. After a few moments, he raised his head to see Levi lower his hand towards his entrance, keeping his other hand on his thigh as reassurance.

He felt a bizarre substance along with Levi's finger as his hole was teased. He sucked in a harsh breath, realizing he was right; it did feel weird. It only got weirder when a single finger worked its way inside him.

"How are you feeling?"

"Not bad," Eren breathed.

The finger went in farther, prodding around, but hesitantly nonetheless. Soon another finger was added. And once Eren adjusted to that one, there was a third. He was starting to feel a tad uncomfortable, but it wasn't even close to unbearable, so he endured.

Levi continued stretching him until he deemed him well prepared. "How do you feel about moving on?"

"I'm okay with that. I'm ready."

Levi rolled a condom on himself and added lube. He lined himself up with Eren's entrance and grabbed at tissue to wipe off his hand. He held himself up with his hands at either side of Eren's head and checked to see his expression. Luckily, he looked rather eager. 

Levi returned to kiss him as he pushed in gradually. The sensation was foreign and strange to Eren and it didn't feel better as Levi went in farther, but he enjoyed it and moaned into Levi's lips. 

Eren did however feel much worse when Levi was fully sheathed inside him. Levi halted and separated their lips. "Does it hurt?"

"Not exactly," Eren huffed out. "I just need a minute."

"Take all the time you need, babe." Levi came closer to his boyfriend, weaving his fingers through his hair, then kissing and sucking gently beneath his ear to relax him while he got used to the feeling.

After some time had passed, Eren became accustomed to the feeling and let out a pleased sigh. "You can move now."

"Okay." Levi started off slow, pulling out a bit before pushing back in. Eren hummed happily, which Levi took as a cue to progress on.

Levi found a rhythm rolling his hips, sliding in and out of Eren. He was so positively tight and Levi was starting to lose himself. But he had to hold back to keep checking in and make sure that Eren was enjoying himself too.

Eren let his head roll back and dropped his jaw once he felt Levi brush against a bundle of nerves inside him. "F-fuck, do that again."

Levi readjusted his angle and began to hit his prostate head on, drawing out the sweetest moans from his lover. The sights and sounds before him were too arousing, and being so close to his love was absolute euphoria to him. 

Eren couldn't help but reach out for Levi's back and dig his nails in, he was in too much bliss. His breathing became more ragged as his impending climax came closer and closer. And everything started blurring around him when he felt Levi grab onto his length to stroke him to completion.

Levi latched onto different spots on Eren's throat, leaving marks everywhere he could. 

The entire situation was incredibly overwhelming to Eren. At the time, his kindhearted boyfriend had relieved some stress over one of his biggest insecurities. He followed up by making love to him, keeping his comfort and pleasure in mind. And he left bites on his skin, marking him as his, claiming him a hundred times over. Eren was tended to so thoroughly, and with so much care that was unfamiliar to him, and his emotions got the best of him.

A few tears and shaky breaths came out and Levi pulled back to see if he was hurt. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," Eren answered through his tears. He brought Levi back down to kiss him once more as he released into the condom.

While Eren hit his peak, he tightened around Levi, causing him to reach his orgasm just after. Even after they'd come down from their high, they continued to kiss, taking each other in and savoring the moment.

When they parted, Levi smiled down at Eren, wiping away his stray tears. He wasn't worried that he'd been crying, because his grin was just as bright as his. 

"I love you," Eren mumbled. "I love you so much."

Levi rested his head against Eren's, happier than he'd been in ages. "I love you too." 

Levi removed their condoms shortly afterwards and threw them out. He asked Eren if he wanted to shower and he declined, so he supposed they would do it in the morning and crawled back into bed. 

Eren was exhausted, physically and emotionally, but not in a bad way. Levi curled up behind him, resting an arm on his shoulders and kissing the back of his neck. "How do you feel?"

"Amazing," Eren sighed. "Everything was perfect."

"No criticism?" Levi joked. "I can't improve unless you tell me what you didn't like."

Eren giggled to himself. "I wouldn't change a thing." He took Levi's arm and wrapped it securely around his waist so they could rest closer. "Goodnight, Levi."

"Goodnight, Eren."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, it's been a loooong time since I've written smut. 
> 
> I really hope you guys liked this! And I hope you had a great Valentine's Day, with or without a bae! I'm a single bean, but I got a haircut and hung out with my mom, so it was a good time. 
> 
> If you liked this, pretty please leave a comment or kudos! This isn't edited, so I'm sorry for any errors. My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thanks for reading! <3


	13. Family Recipe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi has to go to a family reunion, which Eren wants to go too - to meet all his relatives. Levi has his worries about the night, but Eren remains optimistic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I hate parties.

While on one of his days off, Eren invited Armin to come with him while he was out on the town to hang out. It had been awhile since they'd gotten together and they decided to take this opportunity to get caught up on each other's lives.

They strolled into a book store, taking a quick stop at the small coffee shop inside for Armin to get himself a drink. Of course, Eren didn't find anything he could eat, so he went without.

"Considering you work at a library, I'm surprised you're not sick of books everywhere," Eren commented as they looked around. 

"Maybe you would, since you don't enjoy reading as much," Armin said. "It's not just a job, it's a hobby, so I'll take what I can get."

Eren rolled his eyes. "In that case, why bother buying the books? You can just borrow them from work."

"But this place has a bigger selection. And there's no return date. Now let me have fun."

Eren hushed up, scanning the shelves, though not as thoroughly as his friend. Granted, he didn't read as much as Armin did, but once in awhile he'd stumble upon something that peaked his interest. And even if he didn't make a purchase, he liked spending this quiet time with his best friend.

Armin gently nudged Eren's side with his elbow when he found nothing he was interested in. "So, how are things going with you and Levi? Catch me up."

Eren involuntarily smiled at that. "Things are going great actually."

Armin watched the way he lit up so quickly. He felt happy that his friend found someone who did that to him. "You're so in love with him, it's gross," he teased.

"Well, can you blame me? You don't know how it feels- well maybe you do. I know you're not with anyone right now, but have you ever been with somebody who's perfect to you? Like, it feels like they came from heaven?"

Armin nodded. "Yeah, that's how I felt with Jean back in high school."

Eren grimaced. "Oh please, he came from the exact opposite direction."

Armin laughed, shoving Eren's arm. "You never gave him a chance!"

Eren rolled his eyes, moving on with the subject. "Whatever. What about that girl Annie? I forget what happened between you two."

Armin sighed. "It wasn't meant to be. She was a geology major, and I was a marine biology major. It never would've worked."

"... Whatever the fuck that means." Eren fixed him with a perplexed look. "Anyways, I'm not sure how to put it. I'd say it's complicated, but it's really not. He just seems so perfect and I really care about him."

Armin looked at him with a smug smirk. "Wow, you've got it bad. When do I get to meet the guy?"

"Whenever you want. I'd really like for you both to meet each other."

"Oh goody, I finally get to meet your dream guy," Armin drawled out. "Must be serious between you two if I get to see him."

"It is," Eren admitted. "Besides, he already met my mother and I met his sister."

Armin stopped to widened his eyes at his friend, lightly slapping his shoulder.

Eren winced. "What was that for?"

"Levi's met your mother but not your best friend? What kind of backwards nonsense is that?"

"In my defense, he only met her because I promised her she could so she'd shut up."

"Okay, I can get that." Armin nodded in understanding. He knew how Eren's mother could be, so he couldn't exactly blame him. "Could I meet him this weekend? I'm free then."

Eren shook his head. "No, he has to go to a family get together on Saturday, so he'll be busy. I can ask if he'd be free Sunday."

"I can't do Sunday, I have work. Maybe the weekend after?"

"Maybe."

 

~

 

Eren watched Levi filling the cooler on his table, preparing for the long drive he would take the day after. "My friend Armin wants to meet you."

"Did you tell him there's not much to see?"

"Shut up," Eren laughed. "You're perfect." He saw Levi adding water bottle after water bottle. "How long is the drive?"

"A couple hours," Levi said, closing up the cooler. "It's at my aunt's house. I won't be staying too long, but I don't want to starve during the drive."

"What's the event again?"

"Just a family reunion. We have one every couple of years. I didn't go to the last one so I'm expected to show this time."

Eren could tell that Levi wasn't overly enthusiastic about going by his exhausted expression. Perhaps he could accompany him to make the day less draining. "Do you think I could come with?"

Levi stared at his boyfriend incredulously. "I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Why the hell would you want to go?"

Eren shrugged, walking over to him. "It could be fun. I can meet your family and we can have a good time."

"A good time?" Levi questioned. "With my family? You've met my sister, now imagine sixty of her."

Eren chuckled softly. "I like your sister, she's funny."

Levi sighed and hung his head. "Yeah well, you've only had to handle one of her." He weaved his arms around Eren's waist and held him close. "You don't have to go, I don't even want to go."

Eren wrapped his arms around Levi's shoulders, placing a kiss on his cheek. "I want to. Don't you think it'll make the drive there and back less lonely? And if your family is as bad as you say, I'll be there to make it less painful."

Levi pondered it over. Eren did have a point, but he was thinking more of his boyfriend's comfort rather than his own. "I don't know... I just think that my aunts and all my cousins might harass you and you'll regret coming." 

"I'd regret it more if you went on your own and came back miserable."

Levi finally relented. "Okay, fine." He couldn't but smiled when Eren beamed down at him, giving him a quick kiss. "Why are you so perfect?"

"You're perfect," Eren countered.

"Don't get corny with me, that's my job." Easing up at Eren's laughter, he released him and turned to the cabinets. "Let's pack stuff you can't eat for tomorrow.

 

~

 

The entire morning before they left, Levi kept asking Eren if he was certain he wanted to go and almost tried convincing him that he shouldn't. But Eren was persistent and Levi gave in. The drive was long, but not boring. They both actually rather enjoyed it, as it was well spent quality time. They occupied themselves by listening to the radio and simply enjoying each other's company and talking with each other about whatever crossed their minds. Perhaps the day wouldn't be as horrible as Levi predicted.

Levi let out a long sigh as they pulled into the driveway of his aunt's house. "This is gonna be a long day," he announced unenthusiastically, unbuckling his seat belt. "I'll probably be whisked away by all my family, but I'm going to try to stay by your side as much as possible for support."

"I'm not going to need support," Eren chuckled, also undoing his seatbelt. "I know how family can be."

Levi paused with his hand on the door. "... I meant support for me."

"Oh," Eren mumbled.

They exited the car, hand in hand while walking up the porch of the massive house before them. Levi stopped at the door. "If you can't stand my family at any point, just pat my arm twice and I'll make something up."

Eren rolled his eyes in amusement. "Honestly, they can't be that bad."

Levi shrugged, opening the door and leading Eren inside. At first, Eren was surprised by the atmosphere. It was nothing like his own family functions, but he kind of enjoyed that. 

While the house was absolutely crowded, it was rather silent. He didn't voice his thoughts out of fear of being rude, but Eren could've sworn he'd walked in on a funeral due to the quietness. But sure enough, he looked on everyone's faces and they all appeared to be happy and having a good time. He also noted that nearly every member of the family had a striking resemblance to Levi, which he found funny.

"Levi!" Mikasa came walking towards him from another room. "Oh Eren, you're here too! This is perfect, mom wants to see you."

Levi sighed and followed her with Eren trailing behind. The three entered a pristine kitchen with two women working to prepare dishes with another arranging things on a table.

"Mom, Levi's here," Mikasa grabbed her attention.

The one petite woman with long, black hair turned around to bring Levi into a tight grip. Levi hugged her back just as tightly and Eren could see the uncanny similarities in their features. 

"Levi, I'm glad you came." His mother pulled back, grinning brightly. "I was beginning to wonder if you'd show up this time."

"Yeah, I know you wouldn't be too happy if I skipped out, so here I am." Levi turned to Eren, reaching for his hand. "This is Eren, my boyfriend I told you about."

Levi's mother stuck out her hand, looking positively delighted. "It's so nice to finally meet you! I'm Kuchel."

"It's nice to meet you too," Eren greeted back with a smile. 

"Levi's told me so much about you!" Kuchel went on. "He never stops talking about you during our phone calls, you know."

Eren laughed at the information while Levi whined. "Mom, please—"

"Oh, you hush up, mister. I get to tease you every now and then." 

Levi huffed out a heavy breath. "Well, I'm gonna say hi to everybody. I don't plan on staying long and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings if I don't at least see them."

"You're not even staying for long?" Mikasa complained, putting a hand on her hip.

"But you didn't even come to the last reunion," Kuchel added dejectedly.

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose, agitated. "Alright, I'll stay as long as I can. But I've got a long drive to get back home."

"Yeah? You think I didn't have to drive to get up here?" Mikasa questioned.

"Or me," Kuchel said.

"Or us!" Levi's two relatives piped up from their spots next to the oven.

Levi pulled on Eren's sleeve and shuffled backwards. "Well, bye." He shook his head to himself while walking down the hallway to get to the living room.

"I like your mom, she seems nice," Eren commented. "Your family doesn't seem so bad."

"Just wait," Levi grumbled. It wasn't long before they reached the living room and walked into the herd of people scattered around. Levi tried to dodge certain relatives to get to a spot to sit down with Eren. 

"It's so quiet," Eren whispered as they sat on a bench.

"Don't let the silence fool you, everyone's talking."

"What do you mean?"

"My family lives for gossip. Even my little cousins." Levi leaned in to whisper to Eren and point to a few people at a time. "You see that man in the hat talking to her? That's my uncle Kenny and I bet you twenty bucks he's talking shit about my grandpa. Those two guys in the corner are my second cousins, and they're probably too busy talking about their friends to care about the reunion. And you see that girl on the stool and the girl next to her?" 

Eren nodded. 

"Two more of my cousins, and they're glancing at my aunt. Most likely talking about how she's pregnant again, those two are relentless."

"Wow, that's terrible."

"Mhm," Levi hummed, crossing his arms. "Yeah, everyone's so nice when they're face to face, but as soon as their backs are turned, it's a shitfest."

"Now I see what you mean. Does Mikasa do that?"

"Well... not in a cruel way. I think she just hears misinformation or jumps to conclusions then spreads it around. My mom is probably the only one who doesn't do it."

"So, do you have a gossip habit?" Eren teased, nudging his boyfriend's shoulder.

"God no, but that doesn't keep me from hearing everything the family's talking about."

 

~

 

Levi eventually worked up the energy to quickly greet each of his family members, trying to be as curt as possible to keep himself from getting wrapped up in unnecessary conversations. Eren would come with him for certain relatives that Levi had a closer relationship with and was often introduced. Aside from the earlier information Levi had passed onto him, Eren couldn't understand why he was so annoyed with having to see his family. They were all so polite when he'd met them and the most they did that was bothersome was tease Levi about his usual bad luck with dating.

"This isn't so bad," Eren whispered to Levi as they sat on the couch. "We've been here awhile now, I don't get why you didn't want to come. Your family's nice."

Levi scratched the back of his neck in thought. "I'll admit, this isn't usual."

Eren took his hand and set it on his lap, interlocking their fingers. "Let yourself have fun. Isn't there anyone here you haven't seen in awhile? Someone you miss?"

"... Not really," Levi laughed.

Eren chuckled. "At least things aren't going so horribly."

Levi let a small smile show. "Yeah, I guess it could be worse."

"Alright everybody," one of Levi's uncles grabbed everyone's attention. "The food's ready, and a line is starting in the kitchen."

"Finally," some people grumbled jokingly as the mob moved back to the kitchen.

Levi patted Eren's knee and kissed his cheek. "I'm gonna get a plate. Do you want to come just in case there's something you want?"

Eren shook his head. "No, I don't think I'd be able to eat in front of everyone. You go ahead."

Levi nodded, giving him another kiss before he left. Eren leaned back on the couch, getting comfortable while he waited. 

He noticed who he learned was Levi's grandmother shuffling towards him and he smiled up at her to be polite. 

"You're Levi's boyfriend?" She asked.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Well, let's go get you some food dear, before its all gone."

Eren plastered a practiced grin on his features and waved dismissively. "No thank you, that's alright. I ate before I came, so I'm not hungry."

"Oh, but you haven't lived until you've tried my corn chowder," she beamed.

Eren bit his lip. He didn't want to offend her by denying it, but he'd make an awful impression on Levi's family by getting sick after eating their food. And he'd never forgive himself for that. "I'm sure it's amazing, but I really can't eat anymore," he lied. In truth, he could go for some food, but he could also wait.

Levi's grandmother shrugged. "If you're sure. But trust me, once you get a whiff of it, you'll be dying to taste it."

Eren nodded as she walked by, but groaned as soon as she was out of view. He only hoped he wouldn't get the same treatment he got at his own family get togethers.

One by one, Levi's relatives came out from the kitchen and went back to their original spots around the living room, and just as he feared, most of them asked why he wasn't eating. He gave them all the same excuse and he slowly shuffled to the corner of the couch, hoping to make himself less visible.

And little by little, the scent of all the food became apparent to Eren, which made him lower his head in an attempt to block it without covering his face. 

Mikasa came to sit at the chair beside the couch. "... Not gonna eat?"

Eren shook his head. "No, I'm fine."

Mikasa rolled her eyes amusedly. "Come on, I know how long of a drive it is to get up here. When's the last time you had something?"

"Right before we arrived, I ate in the car." It wasn't entirely true. Eren had eaten plenty, but it was much before they got to the house.

Mikasa narrowed her eyes at him, but backed off. 

Eren breathed out a sigh of relief once Levi returned. He eyed Levi's plate and grimaced at the mess of food overflowing. If that wasn't repulsive enough, he had to pretend to scratch his cheek to shield his nose for at least a few seconds to fend off the odor and hide his mouth while breathing through it so he wouldn't have to smell it.

Levi leaned in to mumble to Eren, "There were crackers in there, do you want me to get some for you?"

Eren waved him off. "It's fine."

Levi sat back and took a bite of his food, causing Eren to look away, faintly grimacing while trying not to imagine himself eating the same food.

Mikasa watched the exchange in confusion, poking at her food. Now that she thought of it, when she'd first met Eren, he wouldn't eat then either. "Eren, I know you said you ate before you got here, but that was awhile ago. You don't even want a snack?"

"Yeah, I'm not hungry," Eren repeated. 

Levi waited for Mikasa to be satisfied with that answer. He didn't want Eren to be interrogated.

Unfortunately, that wasn't enough for her. "Our mom makes some really good food. You don't want to miss out."

"Mikasa," Levi spoke up. "He said he's fine, just drop it."

Mikasa thought it was odd that he felt the need to come in, almost as if it was a big deal. "I just don't want him to go hungry is all."

"Well, he said he wasn't hungry already."

Eren felt guilty that Levi needed to step in for him, and he felt worse that he couldn't just be comfortable eating for the sake of being polite.

Mikasa sat back, eyeing Levi suspiciously. 

 

~

 

Around an hour went by and every few minutes it seemed, Levi would be caught up in an unfortunate, uninteresting conversation with someone. Occasionally, Mikasa would strike up a conversation with Eren so he wouldn't be bored, but as much as he appreciated it, his thoughts were starting to become overwhelmed when hunger settled in. 

Levi's mother came through the kitchen followed by other relatives, all carrying plates. "Here are the desserts!" They set everything down on the coffee table as well as other scattered tables, displaying cakes, cookies and other sweets. 

The whole family swarmed around the dishes, though Levi waited with Eren until everything wasn't so crowded. 

Eren peaked around people at the plates and soon he could smell every dish. And unlike the main meals, the scent was so sweet it nearly had him drooling. 

"Are those sugar cookies?" Eren whispered to Levi, eyeing a plate. It was hard to mess up sugar cookies, he thought. He never had a bad one.

"Yeah, do you want a couple?"

At this point, Eren was so hungry, he almost wouldn't care about eating in front of so many strangers. But something stopped him. "No, that would be rude," he mumbled. 

Levi waited for Mikasa to get up and leave before continuing the conversation. "Why would that be rude?"

"Because I didn't eat the real food. It's rude to just take the dessert. It's childish." At least, that's what Eren believed to be true.

Levi furrowed his brows. "That makes no sense. If you're hungry, and if there's something you want, you should eat."

Eren put his hands in his lap, shrinking into himself. "It's embarrassing."

Levi slid an arm around his boyfriend's shoulders to comfort him. "Why is it embarrassing?"

"... It feels wrong, I don't know how to explain it. I feel like it's disrespectful to not eat the main part of the meal, but then eat the sweets. And I feel like everyone will think junk food is all I eat, not that they'd be wrong. And... if people see me eating junk food and nothing else, they'll judge me for my weight."

Levi didn't want to say how ridiculous that thought process was, he couldn't put himself in Eren's place. "Eren, no one will care. I think you might be reading too far into it. Besides, everyone's caught up with the rest of the family, nobody's studying what you've eaten."

Eren knew he tended to blow things out of proportion, but that didn't keep him from believing these pessimistic thoughts. "I don't want anything," he decided.

"Alright." Levi wouldn't push him any further. 

Mikasa returned with Levi's mother following closely. Kuchel stood in front of the three handing Levi a plate. "I made the black forest cake you like so much."

"Thank you, mom." Levi accepted the plate, but felt hesitant to eat it, knowing that Eren was hungry. 

Kuchel then offered another plate to Eren. "This is an old recipe I've been making since Levi was young, it's his favorite! I want you to have a piece before its all gone."

Eren tried not to look as ashamed as he felt. "I'm sorry, but no thank you. I'm not hungry."

Mikasa started tuning in on the conversation while Levi sat forward in case Eren couldn't handle it.

"Oh, just a bite. It's a party, you can indulge yourself. Not to pat myself on the back, but it tastes like heaven. It's always requested at parties and get togethers, you'll love it!"

Eren couldn't look at her bright smile, he felt too guilty. "I'm sorry, but I really can't eat anything right now."

Kuchel quirked an eyebrow in his direction, not quite understanding.

"Why won't you eat my mother's food?" Mikasa asked, sounding offended in her place.

Eren's heart race quickened, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt Levi's mother's feelings. "U-um..."

"Mom, he doesn't want it." Levi stepped in to save his boyfriend. "He doesn't like black forest cake, he's just too polite to say so."

Kuchel looked back Eren, who nodded sheepishly. "Oh, that's alright! I'm sorry about that, I didn't know."

"No, no, that's okay," Eren said, holding out his hand to her. "I'm sorry I'm unable to try it, I'm sure it's delicious."

"Don't worry about it, Eren. If Levi ever takes you to visit, I'll be sure to make something you like."

"Great, thank you..." Eren murmured as she walked away. He only hoped he'd never visit or at least come up with a fool proof excuse before the time came. 

Eren couldn't be sure, since he didn't want to look her (or anyone) in the eye after that, but he thought he caught a glance of Mikasa staring calculating my at him out of his peripheral vision. 

Levi, however, was upset that Mikasa had jumped in on a matter, however small it may have seemed to her, that she didn't belong in and pressured his boyfriend. "Mikasa, can I speak to you for a minute?" He asked, standing up.

Mikasa nodded and followed him.

"I'll be right back," Levi told Eren before escaping to a vacant hallway with his sister. Once they were alone, he turned to her and crossed his arms. "What was that about?"

"What?"

"You tried to make him feel bad for not having cake."

Mikasa put her hands on her hips, frowning at her brother disapprovingly. "You know mom prides herself in her cooking and he wouldn't even take a bite! Do you know how incredibly rude that is?"

"What's rude is you guilting him into eating something he politely declined. He didn't want it, what's so bad about that?"

"Even if he didn't like it, he could've faked it for her."

Levi rolled his eyes. "He hates black forest cake, what if he couldn't fake it? Don't you think mom would find it more offensive if he tried it and gagged?"

Mikasa shook her head, thinking over the whole situation. "I don't know, there's just something weird about how he handled it."

"There was literally nothing weird or impolite about any of it—"

"He's never accepted anything from other people now that I think of it," Mikasa interrupted. "Not even when I first met him. What, does he think the people handling the food are dirty? Does he have a problem?"

"Mikasa, what's the big deal—"

"He hasn't eaten anything at all. Is he okay? Is he sick?"

Levi took a deep breath, trying to calm her. "Listen—"

"Is he eating anything at all? Did he even eat in the car? He told me he did, but I'm not sure now. Levi, is he not eating on purpose? There's something wrong with—"

"Can you stop jumping to conclusions?" Levi hissed, balling his fists. "Eren eats plenty, and it's not your place to force him into eating. There's nothing wrong with him. He's just... not hungry." He hated downgrading what Eren went through, but he knew it was the best he could do.

Mikasa huffed in agitation, not convinced. "... Fine. Whatever."

 

~

 

Eren wondered what Levi and Mikasa were talking about and he hoped it wasn't too serious. But something he was even more focused on was how hungry he was. They'd been there for hours and he hadn't had a single bite to eat. So far, he didn't regret accompanying Levi and he was happy to have met his family, but the pain in his stomach was making itself more obvious to him by the minute. 

He could always go to another room to eat, but he'd have to stand up to retrieve anything, and that would draw attention. Although, there was a stand next to his end spot on the couch that didn't have the cookies he was craving, but a small bowl of chocolates. 

Like Levi said, everyone that he could see was already caught up talking to each other, too busy to pay him any mind. He waited for a brief moment, checking to see that no one was looking at or around him, then as quick as he could, he snatched one chocolate. It wasn't much, but it would hold him over until it was time to leave.

He hid the chocolate between his knees, unwrapping it, eyes constantly scanning to see if someone was watching. When he deemed it safe, he popped the chocolate in his mouth and stuffed the foil wrapper in his pocket.

"I saw that!"

Eren jolted forward when he felt someone poke at his shoulder from behind. A woman in glasses rounded the couch to look at him with a teasing grin. 

"You're Eren, aren't you?" She said.

Eren's hands started shaking and he couldn't bring himself to speak, so he nodded. 

She laughed at him as he looked at her guiltily. "I see how it is, you just like the sweet stuff don't you?"

"Um, I-I..." Eren stammered, not sure what to do.

The woman cackled out a laugh, frightening Eren. It may have only been his paranoia making everything seem worse, but it sounded like the loudest thing he'd heard the whole time he was there. His eyes scanned around, hoping no one else was looking at him and knowing what he'd done.

"No need to look so shook, you just didn't want anything but the good stuff. Is that right?" She chortled.

"O-oh, ha, sure..." Eren started laughing uncomfortably, trying to hide his fear and play it off like a joke.

"Your secret's safe with me." She patted his shoulder and left with a wink. 

Eren laughed it off, but he couldn't have been more uncomfortable. He kept looking around to see if anyone else's attention had been caught by their interaction. Of course, no one was looking at him, but that didn't help. He thought he'd feel better if there weren't any eyes on him, but he still felt like the center of attention. So, he started straining to hear the voices around him.

He picked up on a conversation, which wasn't difficult considering it was happening directly behind him. He could tell it was the same woman who just spoke to him and one of Levi's cousins he'd been introduced to earlier.

"What's up with him?" The cousin asked.

"Oh, he was just trying to sneak a chocolate. Poor guy hasn't had a thing all day."

Eren didn't want pity and he didn't want to be talked about like that.

"I think something's wrong with him," the woman whispered, though Eren could still hear her just fine.

"Like what?"

"Well... he's not anorexic."

Eren felt his heart burst in his chest.

"That was my first thought, but it can't be that," the woman went on.

"What makes you so sure it's not that?"

"Come on, look at him. He's not thin enough to be anorexic."

If Eren wasn't in the paranoid state he was in, he would've questioned how someone could be so close minded. But since he wasn't in a safe mental state, he only felt weaker and more hurt with each comment.

Levi came back from the hallway while Mikasa went to speak with their mother. Levi sat by Eren's side and saw how exhausted he looked, staring down at his lap with his shoulders tucked in. "Eren? You alright?"

Eren looked at Levi and out of fear that he was still being stared at, he forced a smile. "I want to cry," he whispered.

Levi widened his eyes, filled with worry. "What? Why?" He sat closer, wrapping an arm around his waist. "Was it my mother and sister? My mom's not hurt, and I talked to Mikasa—"

"No, it's not that... it's..." Eren couldn't finish. He would've broken down if he repeated what happened in front of all those people. 

Levi placed a kiss on Eren's head. "We're going home."

 

~

 

Levi said goodbye to everyone, and Eren was able to hold himself together to do the same. He was glad to see that Levi's mother wasn't upset with him, but with everyone else he felt like as soon as they left, they'd be talking about him.

Levi didn't want to push Eren for answers once they got in the car. He wanted to give him time, and the way he kept staring downward and sniffling told him he didn't want to discuss it just yet. But he couldn't ignore him either.

"Are you okay?"

"... I will be," Eren muttered.

Levi couldn't take his hands off the wheel or his eyes off the rode, which he regretted, seeing as he couldn't take care of Eren. But he knew as soon as they got home, he'd spoil and hold Eren into the night.

"There's still food left in the back. You want me to pull over and get you something?"

"I don't want anything."

Levi sighed, broken hearted. "I'm sorry I took you. I thought my family would be annoying at most, I didn't think something bad would happen."

"... It's okay." A tear dripped from Eren's face, landing on his hand, making him wipe away at his eyes.

Though Levi couldn't see it, he knew Eren had started to cry. "Baby, I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," Eren mumbled.

"Yes, it is," Levi argued. "I should've known my family would get out of hand."

"It's okay, Levi." Eren didn't want him to feel guilty. "I'm... I'm glad I met everybody. Your mom is really nice."

Levi realized he wanted to change the subject and let it happen. He'd ask him what happened later, and he'd do everything he could to take care of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bam. Tears. I've reached the peak of this fic.
> 
> Jk
> 
> (I'm also sorry for the late update)
> 
> This is basically more or less what I experience at parties of all kind. Only the nagging is more persistent and it drags more attention. And the comment about anorexia was actually said about me once. Only difference between me and Eren is that it was said right in front of me and the person acted like I wasn't there. Thanks grandma <3
> 
> And based on that, just in case you're curious, the body shapes of people with ARFID vary tremendously. Some people are nothing but bone, and some are extremely over weight. And some are in the middle, being only slightly under or slightly overweight. It all depends on how ARFID affects the person, what they're repulsed by, and how much they're repulsed by.
> 
> If you enjoyed this, please leave a comment or kudos! I'd greatly appreciate it!!! I'm sorry for any errors, this is unedited. My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thanks for reading!!!


	14. Cooking Up Ideas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi comforts Eren after the family reunion and meets Armin the following weekend. He's starting to realize just how infatuated he is with Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rushed to finish this because I just had to. I had no plans for this chapter at all and I think that shows in the lack of quality. I had to rush it just so I could get something up so I can progress with the story.
> 
> Ironically, I'm also getting this up on Eren's birthday. Happy birthday my sweet!
> 
> I hope you like this, but fair warning, it's not that great.

Levi made sure Eren was well fed by the time they got home, making up for the hours he went without food. He kept offering reassurances during the drive, and he made sure Eren knew he regretted his family's actions, but he didn't want to ask exactly what had happened. He wanted to be in a position to properly take care of him if he'd gotten too worked up. 

Eren collapsed on the couch when they'd returned to Levi's apartment. He finished crying long ago and felt more exhausted than pained. 

Levi had never seen him so upset and it killed him that he could've prevented it to start with. "What did they do? If you're ready to talk about it, that is," Levi said, sitting beside him.

"I... I went to eat something and I didn't want anyone to see. It was just a piece of chocolate and one of your family members saw and they made a joke about how I'd only eat sweet things. Then they left and they were talking with somebody else about how they thought I was anorexic at first, but then decided I wasn't thin enough."

Levi gawked at his boyfriend, sliding an arm around his waist. "Are you serious?"

Eren looked over to Levi, feeling his pulse quicken. "Yes? Why, is it stupid to be upset over that? I know I can overreact—"

"No, no, it's not that. It's just... I can't believe they'd say something so stupid. Did they tell you their name? I could talk to them for you."

"No, you don't need to do that." Eren sniffled, letting his head fall. "I hear a lot of things like that. I wouldn't have had to hear it if I just ate like I'm supposed to."

Levi leaned into Eren, setting his head on his shoulder and rubbing his arm soothingly. "You can't help it. None of this is your fault." Levi wished there was a way for him to get better, so he could be healthier and so he wouldn't have to endure this kind of embarrassment. 

"I'm sick of this," Eren mumbled. "I don't know how to avoid this. I don't see how this can ever get better. I'm never going to not have to put up with this."

"Maybe eventually you can—"

"No, you don't get it. I always have to live through this. I'm always going to be sick and people will always look at me like I'm disrespectful or childish."

Levi couldn't change other people for Eren and he couldn't take away his disorder. He couldn't even promise that things would change. He felt so helpless in this situation. "Do you think if you told people that you have a disorder they would be more understanding? I know it can't fix everything, but it could help."

Eren shook his head. "I-I can't do that. If I say it casually, they'll think I'm lying or delusional. And if I make it a big deal, they'll treat it like I'm dying or try to get me to prove it. Levi, people don't know what this is, it's not my job to educate them and it's not something I feel comfortable with just anyone knowing. Not everyone will readily understand like you. My best friend didn't believe me for years, and he's seen the symptoms ever since we met."

Levi couldn't possibly put himself in Eren's place, so he couldn't find a solution for anything he was facing. He knew it wasn't entirely up to him to solve all of his problems, but that didn't keep him from trying. All he wanted was for him to be healthy and happy. 

Levi placed a gentle kiss on Eren's cheek. "I wish there was something I could do."

Eren sighed, leaning back on Levi. "You don't have to do anything."

"This isn't fair. You shouldn't have to go through all this. No one should." 

"But that's how it is..." Eren muttered. 

Levi let the conversation fade, but he couldn't let the subject go. It killed him that it seemed as if there was no way out of this for Eren. Levi knew that he'd have this disorder for the rest of his life, since Eren had told him, but it was only just starting to sink in that the way he was being treated was unavoidable as well. But even though people might never change, and his boyfriend's health may not improve, Levi already made the decision to help him through all of it as much as he could.

"It won't always be this hard," Levi murmured. "I'm not saying you'll stop being sick and people will stop being ignorant, but it'll get easier."

It was difficult for Eren to look past the immediate future in a positive light since his situation never seemed to improve in his eyes, so it was hard for him to believe Levi. "I don't see how it can."

"I know, but you have to trust me." Levi gave him another kiss on the cheek. "You're not going through this alone."

Eren turned to give Levi a proper kiss before resting his head on Levi's shoulder. "Thank you..." Now that he thought of it, it was so much more difficult and more painful when he didn't have Levi and no one knew. He had no one to vent to and nobody would understand what he went through. Nobody in his life even knew there was something wrong with him and it felt so isolating to have no one aware of something that affected him constantly. But Levi was here now. And even though he couldn't fix his problems, he could listen and offer comfort. And that was a vast improvement from how he'd been living. "I'm sorry for ruining the day."

"Baby, you didn't ruin anything." Levi faced Eren fully, bringing him into his arms. "I'm sorry my relatives were assholes, they're always like that."

"It's okay—"

"No, it's not. Most of them are adults, they need to act like it."

Eren melted in Levi's embrace, taking in deep breaths. "I'm sorry for forcing you to let me come."

"You didn't force me, you asked and I said yes. You don't need to apologize for anything, you didn't do anything wrong." Levi sat back, softly tucking some of Eren's hair behind his ear. "It's been a long day. Let's go to bed, then tomorrow, we can do something fun. How about that?"

Eren let a small grin slip. "Okay."

Levi returned the smile and pecked Eren's lips. "Tomorrow will be better."

Eren couldn't show Levi just how much he appreciated him and his efforts to make him feel better. "I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart. Let's go to bed."

 

~

 

"You'll love my friend, Armin," Eren went on as he lead the way into the cinema. They'd agreed to meet up on more exciting terms. Getting together for a film was Levi's idea. "He's been dying to finally meet you."

Levi nearly laughed at how excited his boyfriend was, practically dragging him in by the hand. 

"Have you decided what you want to see yet?"

"Not yet," Levi hummed as they entered the building. "We'll wait until your friend gets here."

"No need."

They both turned to find Armin walking towards them, bearing a grin as he came closer. "You're late," he reprimanded halfheartedly, tapping his watch.

"By like four minutes," Eren scoffed.

Armin rolled his eyes and stuck out his hand in front of Levi. "It's nice to meet you, Levi. I'm glad I can finally be acquainted with the man who turned Eren into a lovestruck dope."

"Hey!" Eren lightly slapped Armin's shoulder.

Levi snickered to himself, shaking Armin's hand. "Likewise. Eren always talks about you." 

"Thank goodness, I thought you'd forgotten all about me."

Eren sighed in mock frustration. "Shut up, let's go get our tickets."

The three moved towards the line at the ticket booth, engaging in casual conversation while they waited. Levi was amused by how much the other two teased each other, but it was clear to see that they were close after knowing each other for years.

Once they had their tickets, they moved to the snack line and Levi had almost forgotten about Eren's comfort. He leaned in to whisper to him, "Is there anything you can eat here?" He recalled how he refused anything on their first date at the theater, so he wondered if anything had changed.

"I'll get a drink," Eren said. "I'm comfortable enough to eat around you, but I'll need to see what they have."

Levi felt an odd kind of relief when Eren said he was comfortable eating in his presence. It was odd because he already knew that, but hearing it made him happy. "We can go out to someplace you like for lunch later if you want." He knew he'd had no problem going without, but he wanted to treat him.

Eren shrugged. "Only if Armin wants to."

Levi let the subject drop, setting his arm around Eren's shoulders. He'd convince him, he was certain.

 

~

 

Levi found it to be exceptionally difficult to pay any attention to the film they'd been watching. He couldn't understand why, but all throughout the day, his mind kept wandering and he could only focus on Eren. Even after they all left the theater and went out for lunch, he knew he should've been more invested in conversing with Armin. That was the whole point of the get together, after all. And he felt guilty for being unable to get his head out of the clouds, but every time Eren would laugh at something Armin said or looked back at him lovingly when be was telling a story, he got lost all over again.

Levi wondered if this was what people meant when they said everyday in a relationship felt like the first. The feeling had come out of nowhere, but it was genuine. 

"... Levi?" 

Levi snapped himself out of his thoughts at Eren's amused yet curious stare. "Yeah?"

"You've been staring like that all day it seems," Eren laughed. "You alright?"

"Mhm." Levi nodded hastily. "Yeah, I've just been thinking. Sorry."

Eren didn't seem convinced, but went back to talking with Armin. 

Levi couldn't look away if he tried. It had been awhile since they'd had a relaxed day, and now he had the chance to take in the sight before him. And it got him thinking. He didn't want it any other way. He didn't want Eren to go home to his own apartment the next day like he had to at the end of every weekend. These thoughts were probably best reserved for a different time, but it was all he could think about.

He only noticed what was going on around him when Eren left to refill his drink.

Levi sat silently, looking back at Armin while his boyfriend was away and soon became uncomfortable under Armin's entertained expression. "What is it?"

"You two are such dorks," Armin replied.

Levi raised a brow in confusion. "I'm sorry?"

"The way you look at him," Armjn elaborated. "It's easy to see how much you love him. It's precious, but at the same time its excessive and sickening. Knock it off," he joked. 

Levi shrugged. "I can't help it." 

Armin rolled his eyes. "Sap."

"Funny, Eren always says the same thing."

"Maybe it's because you're a sap."

"What are you guys talking about?" Eren asked, returning with his drink.

"How disgusting it is that you both love each other so much," Armin spat.

Eren turned to Levi. "Yeah, maybe we should tone it down a notch... or not." He punctuated his statement by leaning over to kiss Levi, parting with an obnoxious noise to annoy his friend.

"Repulsive," Armin gritted out mockingly.

Eren continued to laugh, and Levi melted in his spot. He didn't want to be without that beautiful sound and he couldn't stand the thought of Eren leaving again. Even if it was for a short while. But what could he do about it?

He had some ideas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh hope that didn't suck.
> 
> If you liked this, please leave a comment or kudos! I'm sorry for any errors, this wasn't edited. My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thanks for reading!


	15. So Close You Can Taste It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi works up the nerve to ask Eren a very important question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These fucking dorks are fucking in love.

"You're going to ask him to move in with you?" Mikasa asked incredulously.

Levi handed her a mug of coffee and sat down across from her with his own cup. "Is that a bad idea?"

Mikasa scoffed. "Don't you think it's a little quick? How long have you two been dating, five months?"

"Almost six." Levi started to second guess his plan, taking a sip from his coffee. He really wanted to live with Eren, but he also didn't want to risk scaring him off by rushing things.

"Yeesh, I'd put it off if I were you. I know you can get so enthusiastic over plans like this, but you should pace yourself. Is this what you really want?"

"Absolutely." Levi didn't have to think about it, he hated when either one of them had to return home and he couldn't think of many problems that would arise if Eren were to move in. If anything, it would bring them closer together. "If he says no, I don't think it would hurt our relationship, but if he says yes, I think it would help things."

Mikasa sighed, shaking her head. "Well... it's your choice at the end of the day. You wanted my opinion, and I wouldn't do it, but it's your decision to make." 

Levi was terrified to make the wrong move. He honestly didn't think Eren would leave him if he wasn't ready to live together, but he'd been wrong about things before. 

 

~

 

It was nearing the end of October and Levi had invited Eren over to prepare him a special dinner again. It was beginning to lose its novelty, as they had these kinds of meals almost every weekend now, but Eren was still every bit as happy and grateful as he was the first time.

"You seem really nervous lately, is everything alright?" Eren asked as he watched Levi cook.

"Yeah, everything's okay. I just have a lot on my mind is all." Levi still wasn't certain if he'd chosen a good night to ask about moving in, and he still contemplated delaying the question to another night. He couldn't mess this up, not with Eren. 

"Talk to me about it. You look pretty stressed out." Eren wove his arms around Levi's waist and rested his head on his shoulder while Levi chopped up vegetables. He placed a gentle kiss on his temples, earning a grin he couldn't see. "It could make you feel better to get it off your chest."

Oh, how Levi would love to get it off his chest, but timing was key. "It's nothing, baby. I'm alright."

"If you're sure." Eren gave Levi another peck and let him continue his work. "You know I'll always listen if you need me too, right?"

Levi held back a laugh. Eren thought there was something wrong, when it was only his nerves about asking him something. But he thought it was sweet that he cared so much. "I know. And same goes for you."

Eren nuzzled his face further into Levi's shoulder, smiling like an idiot. "I love you so much."

Levi's grin only grew with his boyfriend's words. Perhaps Eren wouldn't be opposed to living together. "I love you too."

After everything was finished, Levi dished out all the food for the two of them. He wondered how much more often they'd have dinner like this if they were under the same roof. Maybe every night. Eren would like that.

"How is it?" Levi asked after Eren had his first bite.

"Perfect, like always." 

'I could make him really happy if he says yes,' Levi thought to himself. He could learn all his favorite meals and how he liked things to be prepared, so he could surprise him with all his favorites, especially on his more stressful days. He could shower him with affection daily, making sure he always felt appreciated. He had so much to give him and he was limited when they only saw each other on the weekends and during short breaks during the week. 

"I know I say this pretty much every time, but thank you so much for doing this," Eren said.

"It's no problem, I enjoy doing it." Levi wanted nothing more than to spoil the man before him. Maybe his sister was right, maybe he was rushing into things, but that was only because he'd fallen so fast. And the more time that past with Eren, the more obvious it became that it was inevitable. 

They ate their dinner in peace, just like every other night. Eren could never get sick of this. To other couples, an evening like this might've seemed so mundane, but it was a special time for bonding to him. Eren would relax as he watched Levi prepare his meal to his liking and they'd talk about their week to catch each other up. And while they ate, they'd continue to converse about whatever was on their minds. It was such a simple routine, but it was a valued aspect of their relationship. To Eren, it was a common practice he didn't think he'd get the chance to have.

Once they finished, they washed the dishes together, something Levi reluctantly agreed to let Eren join in on after they'd started the tradition.

"You know, I can do the dishes myself," Levi reminded him.

"I like it better this way," Eren hummed. "It feels fair. And I don't have to wait on the couch this way."

"Can't stand the thought of being apart from me for a few minutes, can ya?" Levi joked.

Eren chuckled, leaning in closer to whisper, "Not for one second." He kissed Levi's cheek before resuming his earlier position.

'Me neither,' Levi thought to himself. "How about after this, we settle down and watch something on tv?"

"Mm, I was thinking we could do something a little more exciting?" Eren nudged Levi's shoulder, hoping he'd get the message.

"Like what? It's really late, I can't really think of anything we could do, and most places are closing up by now—"

Eren cleared his throat. 

Levi straightened up, realizing what he was getting at. "... We can do that."

 

~

 

Levi brought Eren into his arms, tucking his lover's he'd under his chin, still breathing heavily. Another reason they should live together, they could do this more often. 

"I love you," Eren murmured into his skin, clinging onto him tightly.

"I love you too," Levi replied, gently kissing the top of his head. He threaded his fingers through his hair and tried to concentrate on Eren's breathing and how peaceful it sounded. It was hard for him to ignore his thoughts of when Eren would have to go home at the end of the weekend. He'd be alone in his bed, with no one to put his arms around in his sleep. He truly savored every shared second with him. 

He couldn't put it off any longer, it was killing him. If Eren declined, then it wouldn't be the end of the world. He could wait, but he needed to tell him how he felt. "Baby?"

"Hm?" Eren hummed, snuggling closer to Levi, if that was even possible.

"Have... have you thought about our future together?"

Eren pondered it over briefly. "I haven't decided on our kids' names yet if that's what you mean."

Levi huffed out an amused breath. "God, no. Not that far ahead."

Eren chuckled. "Then how far were you thinking?"

"... Relatively near future, I suppose."

Eren shrugged, pulling the blanket up over the both of them after I had slipped down. "I don't know. A bit, I guess. Why? Is there something specific you're thinking of?"

"Yeah." Levi bit his lip, mentally preparing himself. He stroked Eren's arm as he spoke, hoping it would ease his nerves. "I just... I don't like it when you have to leave. I feel really lonely after the weekend's over or when I don't get to see you for awhile."

"Mm... I don't like it either," Eren mumbled. "Wanna stay with you."

"You do?" Maybe Levi was getting ahead of himself. He thought that what Eren had just said confirmed that he would be willing to move in with him, but then he started to think that maybe he'd only said that to be polite.

"Of course. I miss you too much during the week. I wish I didn't have to go home."

Levi forced himself not to get his hopes up. But he needed to ask. "Then... how about you make this your home?"

Eren stilled, before moving back so that he could look at Levi. "What?"

Levi was feeling a tad bolder. "Would you want to move in with me?"

Eren's features didn't show hesitance, only surprise.

"I-I know this is kinda quick and I don't need an answer right now, but I've been meaning to ask you," Levi started rambling. "I really love you, and I think that living together would make everything so much easier. But if you don't want to, then I completely understand, but the offer is still there if you ever change your mind. I hate not spending time with you, and I always want to be with you. And if you move in, I can learn more about your eating preferences and we could come home together when we're both done with work and we can have our dinners every night. W-we could have this every night. I'm sorry for bringing it up so sudden—"

"Levi, Levi!" Eren interrupted. 

Levi took a moment to breathe, and he hadn't noticed while he was ranting that Eren had began smiling like a giddy child.

"Breathe, okay?" Eren laughed. "You're such a sweetheart. You make a lot of good points... I like the idea of us living together."

Levi hadn't even realized his heart was racing. He only noticed once it had started to calm down. "Really? Do you want to?"

Eren couldn't think of a single con. They worked nearby, so they could cut down on gas money. Their rent would be shared. Not to mention the personal benefits. They'd get to see each other everyday, they'd get to shard all their meals together instead of only dinner, and they'd be that much closer. "I think I do."

As happy as that made Levi, he also didn't want to force Eren into a decision or let him do anything rash. "Well, how about you think on it a little more, and if you still want to, we'll start figuring it out."

Eren nodded enthusiastically. "That sounds good." 

Levi brought Eren into a kiss, relieved and ecstatic that he felt the same way. "I love you so much," he murmured against his lips.

Eren pulled back and rested his forehead on Levi's. "I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short! I think we'll be back on track with the next chapter.
> 
> Boy oh boy, who's seen the first episode for season two? I watched it with my mom and we're both really fucking happy. It was so good!
> 
> Sorry for any errors, I didn't edit. If you liked this, please leave a comment or kudos! My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thanks for reading!!! <3


	16. Filling Cabinets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Eren move in together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is... bad. And short.

Eren dropped the last empty box by the bed and collapsed onto the mattress. The transition period of moving in with Levi had taken far longer than either of them initially thought. 

"Wait, wait, wait," Levi said, coming into their bedroom. He nudged the drawer that Eren had just been filling shut and tossed his hands up. "There. You're officially moved in."

Eren huffed out a laugh, exhausted from the move. Levi fell next to him, staring at the ceiling. "Let's take a break and later I'll make us a celebration dinner," Levi suggested.

"Sounds good," Eren agreed. "I'm so glad we're finally done."

"Mhm." Levi wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, cuddling closer to him. 

"Now that I'm moved in... can we get a cat?"

"No."

 

~

 

Levi set out everything he'd made for dinner, happy to see Eren so excited over everything. "You know what next week is, right?"

Eren still looked happy once all the food was set out, but deflated ever so slightly. Though, he was in too good of a mood to let it ruin it. "Yes, I do." Thanksgiving. In his opinion, the worst day of the year. But he couldn't see it going so bad now that he had Levi. 

"Do you have any plans for that already? I thought maybe you would be going to your mother's for that."

Eren shrugged. "I mean... that's what I usually do. One year, I had Armin come over, but that was ages ago. Do you have any plans to meet with your family?"

"Well, that's what I do every year, but if I can get out of that, that would be great." Levi poked around at his food with his fork. "I was wondering if you'd like to have thanksgiving here with me? We can have whatever you want."

Eren liked that idea. He wouldn't have to hear his mother complain about him not contacting her, how his job was going, his eating, and why he never visited. But he wasn't sure how happy that would make her if he never showed. "I'd love to, but I think my mom would be upset if I didn't come. It's just us every year, so she expects me to come. The one year Armin was over, she was out of town, so she didn't mind."

Levi nodded along. "Right, I get that. Would I be welcome to come along?"

"Are you kidding? My mom would never let you leave."

Levi laughed at that. "It's just that you said it was always the two of you, so I didn't know if I'd be intruding."

"No, definitely not. She always has leftovers and, well, since I don't even eat a wide variety of what she makes, none of it gets finished. You'd be helping her out."

Levi felt relieved that he was already so easily welcomed by Eren's mother. But he had better ideas than inviting himself to their dinner. "Actually, I have a suggestion."

"And what would that be?"

"How about... how about we have thanksgiving here? Your mother could come if she wants. I could make all your favorites."

Eren paused in the middle of taking a bite of his food. "That's actually not a bad idea."

"Yeah, and you can invite Armin or anyone else you want to have over. If anyone wants to bring food, they can, but I'll make sure you get plenty of what you want."

Levi was spoiling him, always giving him more than he felt he deserved. And Levi probably didn't realize it half the time. 

"I like that plan."

 

~

 

Moving in together was relatively easy, with the exception of carrying things up and down the stairs to Levi's apartment. And living together was nice, and it comforted the both of them. But as with most couples, there would be minor problems, especially in the beginning.

So far, the only problems that had arisen were trying to figure out a shower schedule, deciding what shows they wanted to watch, and Eren's habit of leaving clothes on the floor. Most were resolved easily and with no arguments, all feelings spared. But even little things could cause a bump in the road.

Sunday, Eren walked into the kitchen in search of something to eat for lunch, finding Levi pouring out some of his potato chips. "What are you doing?"

"... Eating?"

"Those are mine!" Eren said, pointing at the snack accusingly.

"Eren, it's okay. We can share food, I let you have my stuff all the time." Levi shrugged, popping a chip in his mouth.

In hindsight, it was a very childish thing to get upset over, but it was rather important to him. "No, no, no! You can't take my food because this is all I have to eat! I have to get a certain amount of everything every week that stays in my budget. And it all has to last me the whole week and if I'm short on anything, it won't last. And then I'll have to go hungry on Thursday before I get a chance to get anything else—"

"Babe, calm down for a sec," Levi hushed, setting a hand on Eren's shoulder. "It's fine, you don't have to worry about that. If you run out, then I'll stop and get you more. You don't have to go hungry."

"No, that doesn't work! Because then it'll be off by that day and I'll run out the next week and I'll have to keep getting more on days when I don't grocery shop, and I don't have the money to spare, and some days I really look forward to having that food—"

"Eren, I said I'll get it. You don't have to worry about the money part." Levi didn't realize it was such a big deal.

"No, everything is already planned out! Stay out of my food, I'll stay out of yours too if you want it to be fair, but I can't run out of anything." 

Levi nodded in understanding. If it meant that much to him he'd back off. "Alright." He poured the chips back into the bag, sealing it up. "Happy?" He asked with a smile.

Eren frowned. He couldn't tell if Levi was taking it lightly, so he didn't say anything. He almost never shared food. He lived alone, so he usually didn't have to worry about that. And before he moved out of his mother's house, everyone knew not to eat his food. Everything his mother bought for him was specifically for him and not for everyone in the house to share. He needed as much as he could get, considering he didn't have many options, so if someone dipped into his pantry, he'd be low on food for the next week. He couldn't start eating anyone else's food to make up for what was taken, so if he shared, that meant he'd have to go without at some point. Even now, when it wasn't really a problem anymore, he couldn't shake the thought process that if someone took his food, he'd go hungry. He knew Levi would keep his word and buy him more if he ran out, but it was so comforting for him to know that he had everything perfectly proportioned so he wouldn't have to worry about running out to begin with.

"Eren, please don't be upset. I didn't know." Levi caressed his arm, trying to get him out of his bad mood.

"I'm sorry," Eren mumbled. 

"It's okay." Levi pecked his cheek. "Do you want me to make you some lunch?"

"No." He shook his head. He wasn't hungry anymore.

 

~

 

Monday, Eren was having an odd craving for fruit after he got home from work, which was a rare occurrence. But luckily, he'd bought a couple apples a few days before in case that happened. 

He looked all over for them, he could've sworn he put them on the kitchen table. But they were nowhere to be found. He knew he bought them, he distinctly remembered buying them, and he was certain he didn't leave them at the store. 

He walked into the laundry room to find Levi. "Hey, have you seen the apples that I got? I can't find them anywhere and I'm positive I brought them into the kitchen."

"Hm?" Levi paused with loading the dryer. "Oh right, I put them in the fridge. They're in the bottom drawer."

Eren sighed frustratedly as Levi turned back to his work. "Levi, you can't do that!" He whined indignantly. 

"Eren, if you leave them out, they go bad."

"But that takes awhile for them to go bad! Levi, now I can't eat them until they're at room temperature. Next time I get apples you have to leave them out. I eat them like that."

"Alright, I'm sorry." Levi said with his back to Eren, trying to finish up loading the dryer.

Eren left and pulled out both the apples, irked that he couldn't eat them for awhile. Taking one of the apples with him, he sat in the living room, flicking on the television and holding the apple in his hands to warm it up faster.

Levi came out of the laundry room, rubbing his eyes and sat beside Eren tiredly. 

The two watched television for some time in a shared silence. After a couple episodes of the show they were watching, Eren thought his apple might've been warm enough, so he took a bite and immediately after doing so, realized it was still cold. Exhaling heavily in disappointment, he set it down on the coffee table and sunk into the cushions.

Levi watched as he took the bite and set it away. He knew if he had at least asked if he should put them away, Eren could eat. He leaned on his shoulder and held his hand, lacing their fingers together. "I'm still learning," he murmured. "I'm sorry."

Eren looked down at Levi. He looked absolutely exhausted. He probably had a long, tiring day at work and didn't deserve him acting bitter about a simple mistake. Eren leaned back on him. "It's okay. I'm not mad."

Levi eased up, glad that they were on good terms. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Things would get easier, he was sure. They'd both learn more about each other. Moving in was a good thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More eventful things are coming!
> 
> I also wrote two one shots called That's What Friends Are For and Anything Goes! They're not that great, but if you're interested, they're both smutty so you can check them out if you want. 
> 
> If you liked this, please leave a comment or kudos! It's not edited, I'm sorry for any errors. My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thanks for reading! <3


	17. Fasting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi sees one of the scarier parts of Eren's disorder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I didn't write out thanksgiving, I didn't think I could make it exciting or informative. 
> 
> In this chapter, I wanted to write something I go through, but I'm not sure if everyone with ARFID also goes through this. It's not listed as a symptom/occurrence on any medical website, but it's something significant that I experience, so I thought I'd add it. Enjoy!

Thanksgiving went by quicker than Eren and Levi had expected. Carla was rather enthusiastic about getting to see Levi again and seeing where her son had moved into. Levi cooked a few of Eren's favorites and Carla of course brought things she made every year. Carla continued to poke fun at her son about random things, it was simply something she couldn't quit doing. But after her last meeting with Levi and after hearing what he had to say, she avoided touchy subjects the whole night. 

After the stress of the holiday was over, Eren and Levi had the luxury of truly relaxing since they started living together. 

While Levi took a nap on the couch during the weekend, Eren cleaned around the apartment, dusting things off and sweeping the floors. He'd wait to vacuum until Levi woke up, not wanting to wake him. As stressed as he was over thanksgiving dinner, Levi was tuckered out after worrying that he'd get food Eren could eat and also, making another good impression on his mother.

Eren leaned on the broom handle, standing in the kitchen and gazing at Levi's serene face as he slept. It was nice to see him so at ease after the hectic two weeks they had.

He kept at the housework late into the evening and finally collapsed on the bed at eight o'clock, figuring he'd vacuum the next day, seeing as Levi still hadn't woken up from his nap. His attention was grabbed when he heard Levi shuffle into their bedroom, yawning as he did so.

"There you are," Levi said. "Tired already?"

"I was on my feet all day," Eren yawned. "While you were sleeping, I just tidied up a bit."

Levi dropped himself onto the bed, beside his boyfriend. "Don't work yourself too hard."

Eren chuckled. "I won't." He couldn't believe how exhausted he was. Cleaning up hadn't taken much energy out of him and it hadn't required much effort. And then it hit him why he was so tired just as his stomach growled loudly. Had it been that long since he had something to eat?

"Want me to make us dinner?" Levi offered.

"Sure, I'll help."

"No, no. You've been cleaning all day while I was being a lazy couch potato. You relax and I'll get things cooking."

Eren nodded and watched him go. He couldn't wait for dinner.

 

~

"Eren!" Levi shouted, dishing out the food onto plates. "Dinner's ready!" He set everything out on the table and fetched glasses for the two of them. "Eren?" He called after not receiving an answer or seeing his boyfriend walk out. 

He waited an extra minute, thinking maybe he was taking his time getting up, and after he still didn't show, he went to check on him.

Sound asleep. Levi contemplated waking him up. He really didn't want to make him lose sleep, but he didn't know if he'd prefer to have dinner. He thought about saving what he made for leftovers and let him get some shuteye, but Eren wouldn't eat leftovers.

Levi gently shook his shoulder. "Babe?" He whispered.

Eren peeked an eye open groggily.

"Dinner's ready, do you want to eat or keep sleeping?"

Eren stretched out his limbs, groaning irritably. "Eat."

Levi smiled down at him. He thought it was adorable how grumpy he'd get after just waking up. "What do you want to drink?"

"Coke." Eren rubbed at his eyes. As much as he didn't want to get up and leave the warm bed, he was positively starving. After dinner, Eren was more than happy to turn in for the evening, too exhausted to keep himself up any longer.

 

~

 

"You've been practically falling asleep for days," Christa said, restocking shelves. "Have you been not getting enough sleep?"

"I think it's the opposite. It feels like I've been sleeping too much," Eren yawned. 

"Has the move in been stressful on you?"

"Not for awhile now. I'm pretty much settled in and Levi and I aren't running into many problems anymore. I don't know what it is, I'm just tired all the time." Just then, his stomach let out an obnoxious growl. 

"Yeesh, you can go on your break now if you're that hungry," Christa said. 

"I'm not hungry though—" another grumble interrupted him. Now that he thought of it, his stomach was beginning to hurt. He hadn't even noticed he was so hungry. "I mean... I had a big breakfast this morning."

"Did you eat anything on your first break?"

"Well... no."

Christa put her hands on her hips. "Eren, there's your problem. You don't have any energy because you're not eating anything. Now go take your break!"

"Alright. Still not feeling hungry..." He couldn't think of a single thing he wanted for lunch. He had no idea what he wanted to eat. Sure, his stomach was feeling uncomfortable, but he didn't want anything to eat. And then it hit him.

It was happening again. He absolutely hated it when this would happen and it always caught him by surprise. He had to change his diet.

This wouldn't happen too often, only every six months or so, sometimes it would take longer if he was lucky. But one of the problems with having a small range of things to eat was he'd eat the same things over and over, everyday. And when one does that, with or without a disorder like his, they get sick of having the same thing. 

Because he was so limited, he equated having something in mind that he wanted with being hungry. If he couldn't think of anything he wanted, he simply wouldn't acknowledge or realize he needed to eat. He'd forget to feed himself because he couldn't immediately think of something he'd enjoy eating. 

The only solution to this was changing his diet, which was sometimes easy and sometimes quite difficult. He was grateful that this process never lasted for long. Usually he'd only go through it for a couple days. The longest it lasted was two weeks, which wasn't good, but wasn't awful in his opinion. And when he couldn't switch over his diet, he'd ask others to remind him to eat, which he'd force himself to do until he got over it. He just hoped this would be one of the easier times.

He escaped to the bakery where Levi worked, hoping something would seem appetizing. Once inside, he noticed it was more full than anytime he visited, most likely because it wasn't so early. Levi was busy cashing people out, so he started looking around, hoping maybe there was something new or something old would miraculously look good to him.

He didn't bother looking at the pies, the cakes all had a middle layer of filling, the cupcakes had questionable frosting flavors, and he wasn't interested in any of the cookies. He sighed, figuring, he'd have to wait until he got home before he could eat. 

Before he could leave, Levi called for his attention once he had no customers to assist. Eren walked over, smiling.

"What brings you over here?" Levi asked.

"I was actually hoping I could find something to eat, but it looks like that's not gonna happen. Nothing here looks edible to me. N-no offense—"

"I'm not the baker, I'm not offended," Levi laughed. "Still don't want the peanut butter cookies you used to eat?"

Eren shook his head. "Sorry."

"It's okay. You didn't bring anything with you for lunch?"

"No, not today."

"Damn. Well, I hope you get something to eat soon."

"Thanks." Eren leaned across the counter and Levi met him halfway before giving him a peck on the lips, then Eren was out the door.

 

~

 

Eren felt so relieved to get home with Levi. Usually after work, levi wouldn't make a huge dinner for the two of them unless it was a Friday, and in this case, it wasn't. Levi crashed on the couch and turned on the television while Eren hurried into the kitchen. 

"Did you ever find something to eat for lunch?" Levi asked.

"No, I didn't," Eren said, desperately searching every inch of the cabinets for anything he could've wanted.

"Seriously? Did you get something to eat after that?"

"No, I haven't eaten since this morning."

Levi turned around, throwing an arm over the back of the couch and widened his eyes at Eren. "Babe, you must be starving. Why didn't you eat anything?"

Eren moved onto the fridge. "I couldn't think of anything I wanted within walking distance. I'm getting something now."

Levi still didn't feel completely settled, but turned back.

Eren must've checked the entire kitchen five times over and not a single thing looked appetizing. The only couple things he would've wanted to eat needed cooking and for some reason he couldn't rationalize, that made them entirely undesirable. He hated that his disorder sometimes had no rhyme or reason for making things so hard. He knew he'd be better in a few days once he switched his diet, but it felt like ages away. It wasn't fair.

Feeling crushed and exhausted with hunger, Eren shuffled into the living room and sat beside Levi. He set his elbow on the arm of the couch and leaned his head against his hand, staring bitterly at the television.

Levi looked over, observing how he came back empty handed. "Weren't you getting something to eat?"

Eren exhaled shakily, trying to calm himself. "No... there's nothing I can eat."

Levi quirked an eyebrow at him. "But, don't you have all your safe foods stocked?"

Eren's lip quivered as he spoke, keeping his eyes glued on the screen. "Yeah, but I got sick of them."

"I didn't know that could happen."

"Doesn't happen often."

"So... are you repulsed by them?"

"No, I wouldn't have a panic attack if I tried to eat them, but I'd still rather not eat them if I don't have to."

Levi nodded. There was still so much he didn't understand about this. "So, what will you do? You obviously need food."

Eren vaguely shrugged. "Wait until we go grocery shopping and find new things."

"Can you do that? Just switch things up?"

"I have more safe foods, I just don't eat them all the time. Every time this happens I go back to whatever I haven't been eating."

Levi couldn't wrap his head around the situation. They had a couple more days before it was time to go grocery shopping again. He couldn't just let him go without food for days. "But what will you do before then? You're going to go to bed without food? What about breakfast?"

Eren shut his eyes in frustration. "I'll go without."

"I can make you something. Are you sure there's nothing here you can have? I can even run out and get you something. What do you want?"

Eren thought it over, but then he'd have to wait for whatever Levi would get for him and that made any food unappealing. "I don't even think I want to eat anymore." 

"But aren't you hungry?"

"Starving."

Levi knew this wasn't the same as when Eren used to stay the night before he moved in and went without breakfast. Because back then he knew he was coming home to food, but now he couldn't have that in his own home. Eren seemed frustrated but he was handling it. Levi had no idea how he was so calm about this. If he kept this up, he could go days without food. He could pass out. Eren was upset of course, but Levi was panicking.

Eren opened his eyes again and they were glistening. When a stray tear fell he wiped it away with furrowed brows, hoping Levi hadn't caught it. But he did.

"Are you... crying?"

"No," Eren muttered bitterly.

Levi would've typically thought it was extremely childish for someone to cry because they were hungry, too childish even for children. But damn, if he knew he'd be going days without food, he'd cry too. Being hungry could be painful, and though Eren was calm aside from shedding tears, he couldn't tell just how serious this was. He said this didn't happen often, but how would he define often? This could've been much more of a risk to his health than he was letting on, especially if this was something he was used to doing. What if he never found something to replace his diet? What if he grew sick of all his safe foods? Could that even happen? Would he let himself starve? Levi wouldn't let him starve.

"Baby, can you please eat something? Even if it's a little, I'm just really worried about you."

 

"I just told you I don't want anything. I'll be okay."

Levi wanted to believe him, but he couldn't tell if it was safe to take his word for it. He trusted that Eren knew himself better than him, but this seemed too risky. "I'm sorry, but I have to insist. I don't want anything bad to happen. What are you gonna eat tomorrow if there's nothing here you'll eat? Or the day after that?"

"... I'll figure it out. I always do."

"Okay, but just because you had a handle on it before doesn't guarantee you always will. Eren, please. I'm really scared."

Eren stared down at his lap. He took a deep, shaky breath, another tear slipping away. "I..."

"I know it's hard, but if you can force it without getting sick, I really want you to do that. I know you won't like it, but can you try?"

Eren set his face in his hands, wiping at his eyes. "I don't know."

Levi set an arm around him and rub at his back reassuringly. 

"I'll be okay," Eren promised. 

Levi had no way of knowing if that was true. It killed him to have to question Eren's intuition, especially since he was desperate for people to understand his disorder and not decide things for him, but he'd rather Eren be upset with him than hurt himself, knowing he could've done something.

 

~

 

Eren and Levi sat at their kitchen table. Levi had been holding his boyfriend's hand for twenty minutes now as he stared down at a bowl of chips and a sleeve of crackers. Eren had agreed to try for him, but convincing himself to go through with it was taking longer than he'd hoped. He wanted to eat for Levi. He wanted him to know he'd be okay.

Levi felt so helpless. He wished he had a better idea of how to handle this, but he was doing his best. 

Eren fought off sleep, looking like a zombie with his under eye bags and drooping shoulders. "I'm sorry... it's just hard."

"I know it is. You don't have to be sorry." Levi stroked his thumb across Eren's to let him know he was there for him, but kept silent so he could work things out in his head. 

It was moments like this when Levi grew furious that there wasn't enough attention being given to this disorder. Had there been more awareness, he might've been better prepared on how to help him. He might know how to get him through his worse days. Hell, maybe there would be a therapy for Eren to go through so he wouldn't have this problem in the first place.

But right now, he was focused on how to get past this specific hurdle. What could he possibly do for him? He felt angry at himself that he wasn't better equipped to help Eren, but he soon let that anger fade. It wasn't like there was a guide out there for taking care of people with this condition. Eren knew how to care for himself, but that didn't mean he could get through everything. 

Levi tried thinking of where he could go, something he could read, somebody he could ask, any source he could turn to that could help Eren. His mind immediately went to Armin, but even though Armin knew about Eren's disorder, he'd only recently realized he wasn't fibbing and had brushed off his struggles for five years. He wouldn't know what to do. Levi didn't know his other friends, and even if he did, he wasn't sure if they had useful information. And then it hit him.

Eren's mother took care of him until adulthood. She knew all his safe foods, knew all his preferences, recognized his repeated behaviors, witnessed his symptoms firsthand. Granted she didn't know he had a disorder, but one thing she did know was how to take care of her son.

It was all he could think of, he had to give it a shot.

"Baby, I'll be right back. Don't stop trying okay?"

Eren nodded tiredly. Levi kissed his cheek and snuck into the bathroom. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed Carla's number, hoping to god she wasn't busy.

She picked up on the fifth ring. "Hello?"

"Carla, it's Levi," Levi said in a hushed tone, not wanting Eren to overhear.

"Levi! How are you?"

"I'm fine, but listen. This is really important so I have to cut to it. I didn't know who else to call and you raised Eren, so you know him best—"

"What happened? Is he okay?"

"Um... that's the thing. I'm not sure if—"

"Oh god. What happened to my boy? Levi, please don't tell me he's hurt. I can't go on if something's happened to him. Oh Jesus, tell me he's okay—"

"Carla, Carla, listen." Levi waited until she'd stopped talking and listened to make sure Eren wasn't coming to investigate. "Right now, he's safe. He's... okay. I just need to ask you something."

"What is it?"

"When Eren was still living with you, what did you do when he would fast?"

"... What?"

"How did you get him through his fasts?"

"... I don't understand what you're saying."

Levi rolled his eyes. "You know, when he wouldn't eat for awhile—"

"I know what fasting is, I just don't understand. Why is he fasting? Did a doctor tell him to? Is he getting blood work done?"

"No, he just... won't eat. At least not until he gets new food. What did you do when he would do that? Because I'm worried about his safety and I don't know what to do." Levi couldn't spell it out for her. He knew he could ask her for help, but he would never tell her of Eren's disorder without his permission.

"... He's never done that. Not that I recall. Why the hell is he fasting? Lord knows with the way he eats he can't afford to starve. And I'm not going to let my child starve himself to death. My son will not die before me. Even after its my time, he is not aloud to die young, I did not bring him into this world so he can give up. I swear to god, if he goes I'm going right after him and meeting him at the pearly fuckin' gates to beat him for thinking he could leave me like that. He better start eating or I'll make damn sure he gets enough food even if I have to tie him down and force feed him. You put him on the phone right now or you tell him I said he better start eating or I will come over there and whoop his ass—"

Levi froze at the knock on the bathroom door. "Levi?"

"J-just a minute!" 

"Who was that?" Carla asked. "Is that Eren? Put him on, I wanna talk some sense into that boy. He is not fasting if I've got something to say about it. The disrespect—"

"Levi, who are you talking to?" Eren came in after hearing Levi talking and stared confusedly at the phone in his hand. "Who are you calling?"

"Eren Jaeger! I will come over there if you don't start eating! Don't think I won't—"

After hearing the familiar shriek, Eren gawked at Levi. "You called my mom?"

"I-I..." Levi stepped back at the look of betrayal he was receiving. He sighed heavily, talking over Carla's continuous threats. "I'm sorry, I'm just scared for you and I have no idea what to do and I didn't think I was helping at all—"

Eren shook his head and held his hand out, gesturing to the phone. 

Levi handed over the phone, looking at the ground guiltily. 

Eren started trying to calm down his mother and left to the kitchen, pacing in aggravation as he lost his hearing.

Levi followed him out, but stayed in the living room, watching timidly like a child that had been caught doing something they shouldn't while their parent fixed their mistakes. He just wanted to help Eren, but it looked to him like he'd only given him a headache on top of his empty stomach.

 

~

 

A half hour later, Carla had been calmed and Eren sat at the table, rubbing his eyes. Levi tiptoed in, keeping his distance at first. 

"I'm sorry," Levi mumbled.

"It's okay," Eren huffed. "Now she's more worried than usual. She says she's going to keep up with my eating. She's gonna call everyday and if I don't pick up, she said she'll assume the worst and come over, even though I told her not to."

Levi bit his lip, regretting making the call. "I thought she could help."

Eren shook his head. "I made my own food growing up, she didn't notice if I stopped eating."

Levi nodded, even though Eren wasn't looking at him. "I'm sorry. I was worried. Still am."

"I know, and I'm grateful for that. It's better than being ignored." Eren finally looked up at him. "But I don't want you to worry about me. I want you to know that I'm okay and I'll get through this."

"But I don't know that. And you don't either. You don't know that for a fact."

Eren nodded, and soon his vision was blurring and he started sniffling again. He always told himself he'd get through any obstacle he'd face, because he always had before. And he was realizing that maybe, deep down, he didn't fully believe that lie he told himself. He couldn't promise his safety. "You're right," he mumbled, just as his voice went out and he lowered his head as he started shaking, letting soundless sobs escape. It truly did scare him that he couldn't guarantee he'd make it safely every time, because his disorder was so unpredictable. He'd just been ignoring that fear until now.

Levi dove for him as soon as his head sank and pulled him into a tight hug. Eren stood and clung to him desperately. Levi hated seeing him cry, but he'd let him do it as much as he needed. Levi looked over his shoulder and only let a tiny wave a relief come over him when he saw that the bowl of chips was empty and a few crackers were missing from the sleeve, both from when he left to call Carla.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: starvation is not an inherent symptom of ARFID/S.E.D. It's not a concious decision, it's not purposeful and there are no links to anorexia with this disorder. I believe it is possible to suffer from both at the same time, but they are not related to each other. Some people are so limited that they do need to be hospitalized because they are (technically) starving, but they are not making the choice to go without food, they simply can't get enough of it. And in order to be diagnosed with ARFID, your symptoms must be independent from any other disorder (eating disorder or otherwise) that you may have.
> 
> SHAMELESS PLUG: I'M SELLING TWO PAINTINGS OF EREN AND LEVI ON MY BLOG, CHECK IT OUT??? I'M HELLA POOR.
> 
> I think this fic is nearing its end, I'm not sure how many chapters it has left, but I don't think it'll be more than five. (I could be lying, not sure). 
> 
> If you liked this chapter, please leave a comment or kudos!!! I'd appreciate it so much! I'm sorry for any errors, I didn't edit. If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thanks for reading! <3


	18. Bland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The holidays are coming up and Eren starts to feel guilty for keeping his condition from his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to post this yesterday, but I wasn't home. But here it is now! 
> 
> (Psst I'm selling two paintings on my tumblr dr-s--art, please check them out! I'm poor, moving into college soon and I have a kitty cat to support.)
> 
> Enjoy!

"Yes, mom. I promise I ate today... yes, I had enough. No, I'm not hungry- do not come over. I'm getting enough, I swear. Mom, I don't need- mom! Fine." Eren handed his cell phone to Levi. "She wants to talk to you," he sighed.

Levi reluctantly took the phone. "Hello? No, he's not lying."

Eren rolled his eyes and left to the kitchen to get himself lunch. While Levi kept speaking to his mother, he was wondering just how long she'd keep this up. It was a week and a half after he'd gone through his diet shift, and Carla was still checking in daily.

Levi shuffled into the kitchen after he ended the call.

"She hung up that fast?"

"No, I pretended the connection was cutting out."

Eren snickered at that.

Levi smiled at him sadly. "I'm sorry, it's my fault she won't stop harassing you."

Eren shrugged, sitting down at the table with his food. "No, it's not your fault. I don't blame you for being worried, and she's just as concerned as you were."

Levi sat across from him. "She asked what we'd be doing for the holidays. I told her we haven't decided yet."

Just great. Eren couldn't wait until the holidays were over. With all the holiday parties and family get togethers, it was emotionally exhausting. He only barely made it through December every year.

"What do you want to do?"

"Well, my mom would kill me if I didn't see her at least once before or during Christmas. So, I should probably see her before then, since that's your birthday and I wouldn't want to put you through that."

"I don't mind going to see her if that's what you'd like to do. I'd need to see some of my family before then too."

Eren didn't want to leave Levi with his family. They both loved their family but each side was overwhelming in their own ways. Both of their families would be a handful no matter what, but Eren couldn't help but think that if his eating wasn't an issue, then that would relieve most of his problems. 

"You alright?"

Eren nodded. "I was just thinking." 

"What about?"

"It's just... my mom is probably going to nag me about what I'm eating when I go to visit. Especially now since she won't stop calling. And... I'm starting to think it's not fair that she doesn't know about my disorder. More so because she's seen how it's affected me longer than anyone."

Levi listened carefully and he wondered if he was getting at what he thought he was. "Do you want to tell her?"

"No," Eren laughed humorlessly. "But I feel like I should."

"You don't have to tell her or anyone else if you don't want to. It's your business."

"I know. I don't really want to tell anyone else. I wouldn't be comfortable with many more people knowing. But... it's my mom. As much as I don't want to tell her, I think it would put her at ease to know. The problem is, I don't know how she'll take it. She could just brush it off and I don't think I could deal with that because this is a big deal for me."

"She's your mother. She won't brush it off. She's been calling you everyday for over a week because she thinks your health is at risk, she won't make it out to be nothing."

Eren ignored his food, now too deep in thought. "What if she thinks it's her fault? I don't want to do that to her. What if she tells me I'm making it up? I don't want to go through that again. Not with my mom."

Levi nodded in understanding. "I get that. But imagine how much easier it'll make things if you do tell her."

"Telling people doesn't automatically make it better. Like you said, it's my business. There's no guarantee that people will care, or understand. They could act worse, like I'm burdening them. And it's embarrassing to tell people something like this."

"You shouldn't be embarrassed." Levi reached his hand across the table to set it on Eren's reassuringly. "You can't help it, you didn't ask for this."

"That's not the point," Eren sighed. "I don't know how to explain it. When you tell somebody something like that it's like... you're making yourself vulnerable to them. Vulnerable because you don't know how they'll take it, and even if they take it well at first, they treat you differently after that. And I have no control over how they'll treat me."

"If they're decent people, they'll just be considerate after you tell them."

Eren looked down, lowering his voice. "I believe Armin is a decent person. And he fought me on it for five years and wouldn't believe me until I proved I was diagnosed by a doctor. I don't think he's a bad person or close minded. But I had no control over how he reacted."

Levi supposed he was right. And Eren knew his mother better than he did, so it was up to him to decide if he'd tell her. "So, what will you do?"

"I'll probably tell her. She's my mom, I can't keep it from her forever."

"You could if you felt that's what's best for you, but you make the decision."

Eren nodded. "Is this really a good time? I don't want to ruin my mother's Christmas. Nothing to bring the holidays down like telling your mom you have an eating disorder that you're stuck with."

Levi stroked his hand to comfort him. "Don't focus on that. If you want to tell her soon, then I say go for it. Your comfort is more important than the holidays."

Eren took his free hand and rubbed at his face tiredly. "I have to think about it."

 

~

 

Eren drove the two of them to meet his mother at a local restaurant for dinner then go to Carla's home to exchange presents before the holidays. After thinking about it constantly, weighing out the pros and cons, Eren decided to tell his mother about his disorder. The place they were eating at was Carla's favorite and since they would be in public, Eren thought she'd be less inclined to making a scene, god forbid that should happen.

"I don't think you needed to bring your diagnosis sheet," Levi commented.

"I don't want to go through what I went through with Armin. I'm pretty sure she'll take my word for it, but it's just a precaution."

Levi nodded, figuring that would make sense. "If you decide that you can't bring yourself to do it, there's no shame in that. You can put it off if you need to."

Eren sighed in frustration. "I know. I want to get it out of the way tonight. The sooner the better."

They arrived at the restaurant and hurried inside to escape the cold. Carla was already waiting and greeted them each with a hug. "You booked reservations, right?" Carla asked.

"Of course, I'm not waiting two hours to get seated then wait another hour to eat," Eren laughed.

"Are you going to eat this time? I don't want you to waste a reservation for a drink and a side of fries."

Eren stiffened, his smile becoming more forced. "I'll have to see." He walked past her to inform someone of their reservation and soon they were being led to their table. 

After being handed their menus, they fell into a silence, and Eren briefly considered blurting it out just then. But then he realized that would be the opposite of productive. He just needed to get it over with, but he felt under prepared. Maybe he should wait, he thought.

"Finding anything you like, Eren?" Carla asked.

"Not yet," Eren sighed. She always seemed to ask mere seconds after he opened the menu, barely giving him a chance to look anything over.

"Everything here is so good, I can never decide what I want. I'm always caught between all these choices."

'Wish I could relate,' Eren thought bitterly. He could agree that it was hard to make a decision, but more so because there was practically nothing he wanted rather than wanting everything. 

"Honey, there are salads," Carla mentioned. 

Eren felt somewhat appreciative and somewhat annoyed that she tried to help him find something. It made him feel like a child. "Thank you." He flipped pages until he found the salad section. "Do they let you change what's in it?" He hated when everything was pre-made so he couldn't alter his meal so he could actually eat it. 

"Yes, they'll fix it for you. Just ask."

Levi would peek at Eren every so often, trying to gage how he was feeling. He noticed he was just barely looking frustrated and he couldn't tell if it was because his options were limited or if he was dreading telling his mother. He reached over to pat his knee, just to remind him silently that he was there for him and Eren sighed appreciatively at that.

Their waiter returned to take their orders and Carla seemed the most enthusiastic.

After she went, Eren tried placing his order with a shaking voice. "Um, I'd like a Cesar salad, with no dressing, no chicken and no cheese."

The waiter raised an eyebrow. "Just romaine?"

"With extra croutons," Carla added, knowing Eren's orders by heart.

Eren shrunk inward and nodded. Years ago he would've been happy for her to order for him to save him from embarrassment, but he was an adult now. He could do it himself.

"Would you like onions or cucumber with that?" The waiter asked.

Carla let out a staccato of a laugh. "Please, he doesn't eat anything," she mumbled amusedly.

The waiter looked at her confusedly, not understanding what she was implying. Eren rubbed his temples in agitation. He would get so annoyed when his mother would speak about him like that to strangers, as if they were in on the joke. But instead of laughing, their waiter just looked uncomfortable with Carla's comment and Levi just looked hurt.

"... Would you like anything else?"

"A side of fries, please," Eren nearly whispered, trying to get the attention off of him. And he decided that tonight might not be the night that he would tell her.

The waiter moved onto Levi after jotting down Eren's order. "And what will you have?"

Levi thought it over briefly before answering. "I'll have what he's having."

Eren looked over at Levi with a frustrated expression, but levi was persistent. The waiter left with their orders and Eren mumbled to him. "You should've gotten something you wanted."

Levi was about to reply, but Carla beat him to it. "Honestly, this restaurant has some of the best food you'll ever eat. You don't have to worry about what Eren picks."

Levi looked pointedly at her, as if to remind her of the conversation they had when they first met. "It's just food. If what you say is true, then I'll be happy to eat anything from here."

Carla gave in, but Eren still felt guilty that Levi gave up a meal he might've really enjoyed. 

 

~

 

Carla was the first to be served, given her pasta dish and Eren sat back, pretending to itch his nose to cover up the offensive scent. Levi watched him trying to not make disgusted faces to keep from being rude.

"Are you okay?"

"He's fine, he just doesn't like what I'm eating," Carla filled in.

Eren nodded and raised his gaze to the ceiling to avoid watching her take the first bite. Levi was starting to feel glad he ordered the same thing as Eren so he wouldn't double his repulsion.

"Levi, this is amazing. If you want to try a bite at any point, you can just go right ahead."

"Thanks, but I'm good." 

"You can if you want," Eren added.

"No, I'm alright. I don't want any," Levi assured him. 

Their food came, and suddenly Eren didn't mind so much what his mother was eating, because it was replaced with the smell of his fries, the part he was most excited for. 

Levi was glad that Eren eased up as he started eating. He wondered when he'd feel comfortable enough to tell his mother, if he was still willing to do it tonight.

"What are your plans for Christmas?" Carla asked in between bites.

"Well, Christmas is Levi's birthday. So, whatever he wants," Eren said.

"I have some family I need to visit sometime. I'm not sure if I want to do it on Christmas or if I want to do it before then, I still have to decide."

"Is it going to be everyone from the family reunion?" Eren asked nervously.

"God no, just my sister, my mom and maybe a couple of my aunts and uncles. Probably not at the same time though."

"Do you get to see your family often, Levi?" Carla asked, staring pointedly at Eren. "My son almost never visits."

"Well, I see my mother and sister pretty often, but not so much everyone else."

"Get him to visit me, I'm dying alone," she exaggerated. 

Eren became quiet. It seemed like all his mother would be doing was harassing him about visits and his eating habits. Maybe there wouldn't be an opening that was appropriate for him to bring it up. Maybe it wasn't worth it. Maybe it was for the best that she didn't know.

 

~

 

Carla brought out Christmas cookies after they exchanged gifts back at her home. Carla had given Eren some things he'd been wanting and she gave a check to Levi, not knowing what he would've liked. The couple pitched in and bought Carla a few kitchen appliances she asked for and all were pleased with what they received. But no amount of quality time with his mother and boyfriend could rid Eren of the pain in his chest.

"These are some of the few cookies Eren will eat," Carla said conversationally as she handed them out. "I would make them all year round when he still lived here."

Levi nodded in acknowledgement and Eren just kept silent.

"I miss our Christmases together," Carla sighed, reflecting on the memory. "We used to have such a fun time. I remember you used to get up before me and immediately take down your stocking to get at the candy."

Eren huffed out an amused breath at the memory. "Yeah. You took forever to wake up."

"Maybe Christmas Eve you can come over and I can make the three of us dinner like we use to have. Wouldn't that be nice?"

Eren faked a smile, he couldn't tell her that her memory wasn't keeping up with every detail. Before her and his father divorced, she'd make a roast that Eren couldn't eat and hated the smell of. Then after his father moved out, Carla wouldn't make a huge meal for only two people, so she made herself her favorite dish while Eren fetched himself whatever they had at the time. 

"Would you maybe like to do that?"

Eren scratched the back of his neck, thinking if a way to avoid going without hurting his mother's feelings. "... I don't know. Maybe."

Carla frowned. "Why don't you want to visit? Am I that unbearable?"

"I-I never said I didn't want to visit! It's just... we could be busy. We don't know yet."

Carla nodded. "You should definitely come if you can." She aimed her attention at Levi. "You need to try my roast, it's to die for!"

Levi had no idea if Eren would want to go or if that meal was something he could have, so he tried to stay neutral. "We'll see if we're free."

Carla felt disappointed that neither of them seemed enthusiastic to see her. "What if I come over? Would that work out better? I could bring over dinner so you two don't have to fuss."

"Maybe..." Eren knew he'd offend her if she brought the roast and he still had to make his own meal. He took a bite of his cookie to opt out of the conversation. 

Carla grew suspicious, but she dropped it. She thought perhaps they were stressed by the busy season so they avoided answering clearly. 

They carried on in idle conversation for some time and soon, it became rather late. Eren and Levi slowly stood, winding down on their conversation as they shuffled to the door. 

"Please see me again before the holidays are over," Carla begged, hugging each of them.

"We'll do our best," Eren promised. 

Levi took a few steps away towards the door and when Carla decided he was far enough away, she whispered to her son. "After the holidays are over, I'd like to talk to you."

Eren furrowed his brows. "What about?"

"Well..." Carla lowered her voice even more. "Your eating habits."

Eren let out a shaky sigh, finally feeling his resolve shatter.

"I know you're eating again, but after I heard you were fasting for no reason I just got really scared. And tonight you had to settle for something so bland and it's just not living. I was thinking I could help you find a doctor or a therapist and I want you to listen with an open mind. But we can discuss this after the new year."

Eren looked over his shoulder at Levi who was waiting at the door and then back at his mother. "No, we'll talk about this now."

Carla shook her head. "That's alright, let's just get through the year first—"

"Mom, we need to talk about it now. There's something I need to tell you."

Levi heard Eren and moved away from the door and stood by his side.

Carla looked at them both in confusion.

"Let's sit back down," Eren suggested.

The three returned to the kitchen table, Carla eyeing them both warily. "I don't mean to upset you, sweetie."

"I know you don't, but I wanted to tell you about this anyway." He didn't really know how to begin, especially since he was certain that he wouldn't bring it up at all earlier in the evening.

Levi held his hand, letting him know that if anything went wrong he'd be there. And Eren really needed that.

"I'm not sure how to begin this."

"Whatever it is you have to say, just tell me. I can take it," Carla said. 

"Tell her how you told me, get it out quickly," Levi advised.

Eren blew out a deep breath and nodded. He just needed to get it out and then he'd be fine. "Mom... the reason I eat the way I do and why it's hard for me is because I have an eating disorder."

The couple weren't sure of exactly what they expected her reaction to be, but it wasn't a sigh of relief.

"Oh. Eren, sweetie, no you don't."

It was such a quick, simple statement, but it tore Eren in two. "Yes, I do."

"No, you want an excuse for being picky. This isn't a disorder, you'd be nothing but skin and bone if you had an eating disorder. I'm not mad at you for being a picky eater, I'm just concerned for your health."

"I've been diagnosed."

Carla quieted down, but remained skeptical. "Is that so?"

"Yes, I've seen a doctor and I've been diagnosed with an eating disorder. I developed it when I was a kid. Most people with this disorder get it very young." Eren could see how he wasn't breaking through and his mother seemed so lost. He wondered for a moment if she'd ever believe him. "R-remember that I used to eat normally. I don't, but I remember you telling me I did and I didn't believe you, because I was too young to remember. When I started eating like I do now... that's when I developed the disorder."

Carla wasn't portraying any emotion. She couldn't understand how this was possible. "I don't... I don't see how this is an eating disorder. I mean, you're not healthy, but you're not dying. You're... not dying, are you?"

"No." Eren shook his head, squeezing Levi's hand a little tighter. 

"... I just don't get it."

"It's not something that a lot of people hear about. Which is why you didn't notice when I developed it and why you don't understand right now."

Carla looked between Eren and Levi, utterly lost.

"It's called ARFID. That stands for avoidant restrictive food intake disorder. Sometimes people call it S.E.D. That's selective eating disorder. I don't have to tell you the symptoms because you've seen them. It's why I can't try new foods, why I'm so 'picky,' why I can't eat in front of strangers, why I get sick so often."

He waited for Carla to say something. Anything. The gears were still turning in her head and it was a lot to take in. There was a reason for his behavior after all and for twenty years it hadn't even occurred to her that he may be sick. It affected most aspects of his life and it hadn't even fazed her that there was something medically wrong. "You were... diagnosed?"

"Yes." Eren nodded curtly. "I have a diagnosis sheet if you don't believe me." He couldn't tell what she was thinking and neither could Levi. 

"When did you see a doctor about this?"

Eren bit his lip. He couldn't predict how hurt she'd be if he told her it had been years. "A long time ago."

"And you didn't tell me? Why haven't you been getting treatment? What have you been doing all this time?"

Eren inched back, not wanting to hear her reprimands and Levi sat forward, ready to step in if Eren couldn't handle it.

"There's no treatment," Eren answered sadly. "They can treat children because their bodies haven't matured and there's time to reverse it, but I'm stuck with it. There's no medicine or therapy. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Carla looked down at the table, still processing everything and trying to get it through her head. For a moment, Eren thought she was taking it rather well. She was listening and wasn't fighting back with him. But the idea that she was receiving the new information well went out the window when her face contorted as tears started flowing down her cheeks. 

Eren and Levi looked at each other, panicked and uncertain of what to do. 

"M-mom? Are you okay?"

"No! I'm not okay!" Carla blubbered out with her shoulders shaking. 

Eren looked at Levi, silently begging for help with his eyes. Levi only shrugged, he had no clue how to handle someone crying.

"What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" Carla parroted. "My only son has been sick his whole life and I've been too stupid to notice and I didn't get him the help he needed, and now it's too late. That's what's wrong!" She sobbed uncontrollably, unable to keep her head up. "I'm the worst mom ever, this is all my fault! Eren, I'm so sorry."

Eren hadn't expected her to cry at all, so to say he was unprepared was an understatement. "Don't worry, it's okay—"

"It is not okay! This is far from okay!"

"But it's not your fault—"

"Yes it is!"

Eren felt so guilty, he didn't want to make his mother cry and now she couldn't stop. And it was the holiday season on top of that, and he had brought on the worst news she could hear. It didn't help that he was terrible at comforting people, so he whispered to Levi, "Help me."

At a loss of what to do, Levi held his free hand out to Carla. "Uh... there, there."

Carla hadn't seemed to notice him as she kept crying.

Eren rolled his eyes and stood up to walk to Carla's side of the table and pat her back. "Hey, mom... don't cry."

Carla rapidly brought Eren into a hug, nearly giving him whiplash as she did so and crushed his bones within her embrace.

"Shh," Eren patted her shoulder, watching Levi worriedly. "It'll be okay."

"I'm so sorry," Carla sobbed.

"You didn't do anything wrong—"

"Yes I did!"

"Then I forgive you," Eren compromised, just wishing she'd stop crying already. She couldn't have known what he was going through, so she wasn't to blame. All he wanted was for her to understand what he went through, not guilt herself into thinking she could've fixed his disorder if she had known, which she couldn't have. "It's okay mom, you didn't know."

"But I should've!"

Eren gave up. She couldn't coherently listen to him so instead of reasoning, he just decided to console her.

 

~

 

Once she'd stopped crying and calmed down some, Eren explained more of what having the disorder entailed and she tried her best to take in everything. He knew it was hard for a mother to hear that their child was suffering through something they couldn't help, but she needed to know. 

They tried to leave for the second time that night and Carla almost didn't let go of Eren. "I'm sorry for being so rude about your eating habits all this time."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," Eren said, hugging her back. "You didn't know. And for a long time, I didn't either."

Carla finally parted from him, leaving a kiss on his cheek. Then, she went to hug Levi. "You're keeping the promise you made, right? You're taking care of my boy?"

"I am," Levi answered. "I won't let anything happen to him."

Carla released him and watched them make their way to the door. Just as they got through the doorway, she called for them. "Eren..."

Eren looked back. "Yeah?"

"I love you," she said.

Eren smiled at her. "I love you too, mom."

Carla waved goodbye. "Come see me soon."

"We will," he promised. "Maybe on Christmas Eve." He caught her grin as he closed the door.

They got in their car and they each let out a heavy breath. "How are you feeling?" Levi asked.

"Exhausted."

"I mean about how your mom took everything."

"... I feel better."

"That's good to hear."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I love writing Carla real extra.
> 
> If you liked this, please leave a comment or kudos! My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. I'm sorry for any errors, I didn't edit. Thanks for reading!!!


	19. Holiday Spice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi celebrate Christmas and Levi's birthday, and Mikasa stops by to visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, it's been awhile. So, I've started writing another fic, and I'm in love with it, so that's why my updates are late. I'm not going to upload it until it's finished or nearly finished, because that way I can upload it on a regular schedule. (I'm 11 chapters deep.) 
> 
> Also there's a very brief sex scene in this chapter and I hate it. Don't look at me.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Eren peppered light kisses on Levi's face to wake him gently. A more abrupt wake up call wouldn't have been preferable, not today. Levi peeked one eye open, smirking up at him. "Happy birthday, Levi," Eren whispered.

"Merry Christmas, Eren," Levi yawned back. 

"Do you want breakfast in bed?"

"Hm... yeah."

"What do you want, baby?"

"... Cookies."

"For breakfast?" Eren laughed. "Fine, if that's what you want, I'll be right back." He placed a kiss on his forehead and hopped out of bed to fetch him some of the gingerbread cookies they bought.

Eren returned with a plate full of cookies and helped Levi sit up. "I'm gonna go make you some hot chocolate, do you want some presents to open while you wait?"

"No, we promised we'd open them together," Levi said. 

"Okay, well I'll be right back with your hot chocolate."

Eren got to making his drink, thinking of the different ways he could spoil Levi today. They wouldn't be alone all day, so he wanted to give Levi as much as possible as early as he could. Mikasa was coming later in the evening to bring Levi his birthday presents and also a dessert she'd made for him. 

Just as Eren finished pouring Levi's drink, he felt a heavy weight on his back and arms wrapped around his waist. He couldn't help but smile. "I thought you were having breakfast in bed, I was going to bring this to you."

"I got lonely," Levi said, leaning his head on Eren's back. "You wouldn't leave me on my birthday, would you?"

Eren turned around to hold him. "Of course not. Today's all about you."

Levi frowned. "It's about you too."

"But it's your birthday."

"But it's Christmas."

"But I want to spoil you today."

"But I'm not gonna have it."

Eren pretended to pout. "We only have so much time before your sister gets here. I wanna have some alone time with you and make you happy."

"You don't have to do anything special to make me happy." Levi kissed his nose. "You do that without even trying."

"Fair enough, but can you blame me for wanting to do something special for you for your birthday?"

Levi frowned insincerely at him.

"I insist," Eren added. "We can do anything you want, because it's your special day. So, do you have anything in mind?"

Levi started thinking. He could use his boyfriend's charity to his advantage. "... I've got an idea."

 

~

 

Levi rolled his hips into Eren's, his mouth latched onto his shoulder and drawing out as many sweet moans as he could. He loved how easily Eren would submit if he asked nicely. And now, since it was his birthday, he was all too happy to comply, letting him have anything he wanted.

"Oh, fuck!" Eren gasped when Levi sped up his pace. He dug his nails into Levi's back, holding on for dear life. "Ahh, yes..."

"You like that?" Levi said against his skin.

"Yes..." Eren breathed. "I... I should be the one doing something for you."

"Shh," Levi silenced him. "This is exactly what I wanted. You, under me, making those pretty sounds." Levi captured his lips in a fleeting kiss. "Perfect." He dove back in for another kiss, still rutting into Eren at a fast pace, slowly nearing his climax.

"Oh god..." Eren threw his head back as he came against both of their stomachs. Levi followed shortly after, watching the expression his lover made the entire time.

They both stayed in place trying to catch their breaths again.

Then the phone rang.

Levi groaned agitatedly, rolling off of Eren to grab the phone. "Fuck, it's my mom." He slapped his forehead, irritated. He accepted the call, putting the phone up to his ear. "Hello?"

"Happy birthday, dear!"

"Thanks, mom." Levi retrieved a few tissues of the nightstand to wipe himself down, then getting more to do the same for Eren.

"Why are you so out of breath?"

"Um... I just ran upstairs into the apartment. Had to get something from the car." Eren gave him a confused look and all Levi could do was shrug. 

"Oh, I see. Did you and Eren like the presents I sent?"

"Yeah, we loved them. Nicest sweaters we have, and you guessed Eren's size perfectly." He tried to sound enthusiastic for her. But he really wanted some alone time with his boyfriend before they had a guest.

Eren sat up, throwing his clothes back on. "I'm going to make lunch," he whispered, not wanting to interrupt their conversation.

Levi nodded and let his mother talk all she wanted.

 

~

 

Later in the evening, they relaxed. Eren sat on Levi's lap with his arms around his shoulders kissing him to make up for their earlier interruption. Levi couldn't find it in him to complain, rubbing small circles into Eren's back, letting himself be treated. Of course, he hadn't let himself get all the special things for the entire day. Since his birthday coincided with Christmas, he thought it was unfair to be given the most attention.

But soon enough, that all had to come to an end too, once they heard the knock on the door. "Your family keeps taking up our alone time," Eren laughed, getting off of Levi's lap.

"Tell me about it." Levi rolled his eyes, standing up to answer the door.

"Happy birthday!" Mikasa chimed as soon as they door opened. 

"Thanks, come on in." Levi stepped out of the way.

"I forgot to give you your present last time you came over, so I brought it. And holy shit, I think this is the best batch of mousse I've ever made, you guys are gonna love it!" Mikasa set down everything she'd brought on the kitchen table. "Don't you two just stand there, let's dig in!"

Levi let out a sigh and walked into the kitchen, followed by Eren. 

"How've you been, Eren?" Mikasa asked.

"I've been good, what about you?"

"Work's been killing me, but I gotta pay rent, so there's that," she laughed. Turning to Levi, she asked, "Do you want to open your present now?"

"No, it can wait," Levi said. "Dish out the mousse already, I wait all year for it." He opened his cabinets, pulling out dishes for their dessert.

"I assume you guys already had dinner," Mikasa said as she took the dessert out of a bag.

"Yeah, awhile ago. We ate early," Levi answered, contemplating on how many dishes he should get. He stepped closer to Eren and lowered his voice. "Will you eat mousse?"

Eren shook his head. "I'm sorry..."

"Don't be sorry, it's okay." Levi set out two dishes, then sat down with Eren. 

Mikasa filled their bowls and raised a brow at them. "... Levi, I know you're not the best at math, but we're gonna need three."

"No," Levi started, trying to think of a way to politely excuse Eren from eating. "Eren's... Eren's full from dinner."

Mikasa snorted. "You said you ate early, surely he's hungry now. Right, Eren?" She faced the man in question.

Eren smiled politely and waved her off. "I'm not hungry, thank you though."

"... You're never hungry when I'm around," Mikasa commented, trying to sound lighthearted, but her tone came out too accusatory. "Why is that?"

"Mikasa, what does it matter?" Levi stepped in. "Just enjoy the food, he doesn't want anything right now."

"Let him speak for himself." Mikasa stared at Eren expectantly.

Eren felt guilty for seeming rude to her, but shrugged in response. "M-Must be a coincidence." He tried laughing it off.

Mikasa didn't seemed convinced, but she dropped the subject. Sitting down, she dipped her spoon into her dessert and chose a new topic. "So, how has your first Christmas together?"

"It was great-" Levi dove into conversation while Eren shrunk into himself. He couldn't escape the feeling that Levi's sister was angry with him. He hated his limitations and how they'd affect his relationship with other people. He just wanted so badly to function as those around him did.

 

~

 

Levi and Mikasa were involved in boring conversation about their family and plans for after the holidays. Neither one of them were overly interested in the other's responses, but they kept talking to fill the silence. Levi mentioned Eren as much as he could to include him in each topic, but Mikasa wouldn't aim any comments or questions towards him. Only Levi. Which left Eren just sitting there, listening as the siblings went on.

Eren stared off into space as the hours passed. Since Mikasa wouldn't address him, he figured she didn't like him at all and he couldn't think of much that he could do to change that. So, he resigned himself to avoiding getting her attention to get out of upsetting her further.

"I think mom wanted to come visit you today, but—" Mikasa was cut off by the loud rumble from Eren's stomach and turned to face him.

Eren lowered his head and brought a hand up to cover his eyes in an attempt to hide his embarrassment.

Mikasa raised an amused brow. "You hungry now?"

Eren couldn't look at her. "No, I'm fine."

Levi wasn't sure if he should've stepped in. 

"You know, there's still some mousse leftover. I made enough for all of us, you can have some. Hell, you could have the rest of it if you want."

"No thank you, I'm fine. I appreciate the offer though." Eren would tell her anything to appease her and move on.

Mikasa stared at him calculatingly for a few moments, attempting to figure out why he wouldn't eat. Then, when she couldn't come up with a conclusion, she turned to Levi. "Is he okay?"

Eren always hated it when people would talk to someone aside him like he wasn't there. Like he was child and couldn't properly answer for himself.

"He's been telling you that he's okay, so shouldn't that mean that he's okay?" Levi bit out, crossing his arms.

"Well, he's obviously hungry, so why won't he eat?"

"He doesn't want anything, you're making it a bigger deal than it needs to be."

"I'm not making it a big deal, I just want to know why he won't eat if he's hungry." Mikasa turned back to Eren. "So? What is it? I'm not gonna judge you."

She wouldn't believe him when he said he didn't want anything or when he said he wasn't hungry, so Eren had to come up with another lie. "Um... it's just that... is the mousse chocolate?" 

"Yeah," Mikasa said.

"Well, I'm allergic. I'm very sorry." People were always understanding of that when Eren used that excuse. No one would force him to eat something if it would trigger an allergic reaction.

Mikasa frowned at him. "No, you're not. You ate a chocolate at our family reunion." Shit. Eren forgot that gossip was contagious amongst Levi's family. Mikasa looked beyond offended. "You can't just tell me the truth? Why do you have to lie to me? Levi, why is he lying to me?"

"Maybe because you're a bit abrasive," Levi drawled out. "Just a guess."

Mikasa raised her brows at her brother. "Oh, I'm abrasive? I'm concerned for him and he just tells me a straight up lie. I haven't done anything to him. What's the problem?"

"Can't you just leave him alone?" Levi pleaded, exasperated. "He's not hurting anyone, drop it."

That wasn't enough for Mikasa. "Did I hurt your feelings or something?" She asked Eren. "Did I do something?"

"No, I swear! You didn't do anything—"

"Then, what is it?"

A silence fell on the three. Eren couldn't think of another plausible lie, he was too stressed to think straight. Mikasa couldn't make sense of his actions, so she waited for his reply. Levi was simply exhausted, he didn't know why it mattered so much to her. 

No one said anything. Not for a few solid minutes. Eren felt like he was going to cry, he thought this was all his fault.

Mikasa shook her head and stood up. "I'll be back," she mumbled, escaping to the bathroom. 

Eren stared down at his hands, feeling Levi wrap an arm around him. "Baby, I'm sorry."

Eren sighed. "Don't be, you didn't do anything. She didn't either." He didn't want to blame Mikasa. And even more, he didn't want Levi's family to hate him. He wanted Mikasa to like him, even if Levi would tell him that her opinion on him didn't matter. 

Eren thought about it more, thought about the impression he wanted to give Mikasa and in doing so, he made an impulsive decision. "Can I tell her?"

Levi sat back to look at him. "You want to?"

Eren nodded. Telling his mother recently had made him more open to the idea of telling others. Even though Carla cried and initially blamed herself, she understood and it had improved their relationship. Perhaps letting people know wasn't a bad idea like he'd thought. Maybe if he told Mikasa, she'd forgive him and like him. "Can I? I don't want to put a damper on your birthday."

"Don't concern yourself with that. If you want to open up, then go for it. But I also don't want you to feel like you have to tell her to make her happy. You don't need to prove anything to her."

"I want to," Eren decided. "I think it'll help."

"If your sure."

Once Mikasa came back, she sat back down, calmer than when she'd left, but still uneasy. Eren gave Levi one last look, took a deep breath and spoke quietly. "I'm sorry for lying to you, Mikasa."

Mikasa looked up at him, surprised, then eased up a bit, securing a lock of hair behind her ear. "That's alright. But why did you lie to me? Is it something I said?"

"No." Eren shook his head. "It's just that... the truth is hard for me to say, and it's a bit embarrassing."

Levi held Eren's hand under the table for emotional support, which he was grateful for.

"Is it really that bad?" Mikasa asked.

"To me it is, but I think I should tell you so that there's no misunderstandings between us." 

Mikasa blew out a sigh of relief. "Alright, let's hear it."

"Okay, but first, I'm very private about it. So, I'd appreciate it if you didn't share this with anyone."

Mikasa seemed confused, but agreed. "I promise."

Eren huffed out a shaky breath, and Levi squeezed his hand to comfort him. "You don't happen to know what ARFID is, do you?"

"... Is that a bank or something?"

"Um, no. It's... it's a disorder that I have. I'm sorry that I haven't told you earlier, but I haven't told very many people, so I wasn't sure if I could tell you."

Mikasa sent a glance to Levi, then looked back at Eren. "... Okay."

"And it's why I'm not able to eat around you."

Mikasa nodded, finally seeing how it was relevant. "So, what is it exactly? What does it do to you?"

"It makes me repulsed by most foods to the point where I can get sick if I try to eat them. Or have a panic attack. And it also makes it hard or impossible for me to eat in front of strangers or anyone I don't know well enough. So, when I don't eat what you bring, it's not anything you're doing wrong. It's because I'm not too familiar with you, and even if I was, I wouldn't want to offend you by trying what you brought only to get sick."

Mikasa nodded slowly, trying to process everything. "So, what do you eat?"

Eren's shoulders slumped. "Not much. I eat plenty of food, just not a wide variety. I mostly eat junk food, sweets and salty things. I eat a lot of bland food. And the things I do eat have to be from a certain brand or prepared a very specific way, it gets really frustrating most of the time with how limited I am."

"Huh," Mikasa hummed, thinking over what she'd been told. "I guess that makes sense."

Eren and Levi both exhaled, relieved that she was so readily accepting.

"So, you said you mostly eat junk food?"

"Mostly, yeah. There's not much else I can eat."

Mikasa huffed out a laugh. "Well, that doesn't sound too bad."

Eren quirked an eyebrow up at her. "I'm sorry?"

"I get it, I'm not gonna make you feel bad for not eating. But it could be worse. I mean, I wouldn't mind having that disorder, because I'd just get to eat my favorite foods all the time."

Eren clamped his mouth shut. He had no idea what to say to that.

Levi glared at her. On one hand he was glad she took it all so calmly, but on the other hand, he was furious that she made Eren's disorder sound like nothing. 

"Of course, if it were me, I'd gain a lot of weight real quick, but hey, I'd be happy as a clam always getting to eat my favorite ice cream," Mikasa laughed.

Eren found his voice, but it was fading away. "It's not like that... it's much worse, you don't get to enjoy yourself at parties, it's almost impossible to travel... you get bad health problems. It's nothing like that. You get sick of everything you eat, because you eat the same thing everyday—"

"Look," Mikasa interrupted. "I'm not saying it doesn't get annoying from time to time. You said it's a disorder, so I know it's not amazing. But you don't starve, you said you get enough to eat and I believe you. So, it's not great, but it's not horrible."

"Mikasa," Levi warned, leaning closer.

"It is horrible..." Eren mumbled quietly. "It's awful."

"Oh, come on," Mikasa chuckled, rolling her eyes. "You eat sweets and stuff all the time and you've got a disorder as an excuse, so you don't have to eat anything else. No one can make you. I envy you, to be honest."

Eren gave up. There was no getting through to her.

"Mikasa, this isn't something you want," Levi said. "Take this more seriously. This really affects Eren and how he lives his life, and you're making it seem like a diet choice."

"Relax, Levi. It's not a big deal. I get it, I know it can suck for him sometimes. But you have to admit, it'd be pretty convenient to have that. You could get out of so much with that disorder, if you don't want something you could just use that as an escape."

"Funny you should say that, considering you were so offended that he wouldn't eat what you made." Levi couldn't wrap his head around how she could take this so lightly. 

"He didn't tell me he had a disorder!" Mikasa defended.

"Yeah, he didn't. And based on how you're taking it, I'd say it's justified."

Mikasa looked at Eren, seeing how ashamed he was with his whole body close off, angled inwards. "Hey, Eren, I'm not going to tell anyone. Don't worry about that. But you shouldn't be embarrassed to tell people, it's not that bad."

Eren looked up at her, but he didn't speak. Not everyone wanted to listen and it was clear to him that Mikasa made up her mind on how she felt towards his disorder.

Mikasa saw how upset he was and turned to Levi, who looked equally as upset with her. "... It's late," she said. "I should get going before the roads get too bad."

Levi shook his head, but stood to show her to the door. She was leaving because she knew she wasn't welcome anymore, not to skip the storm before it hit. Everyone said their goodbyes and soon it was just Levi and Eren left in the apartment. 

Levi sat back next to Eren, gently placing a hand on his arm. 

"I shouldn't have told her," Eren said after a minute.

Levi looked at him sadly. "Eren..."

"It was a mistake."

Levi stroked his arm, trying to comfort him. It broke his heart that his boyfriend had to endure that. "I'm not trying to say that the way she took it wasn't bad, but at least she understands what you go through. It's a misguided perception of course, but she won't be upset or bother you if you won't eat." Levi deflated when Eren didn't respond. "And now she knows what the disorder is if someone else has it, so she won't act the same way. Please don't regret telling her. That was brave of you and I know she didn't take it the way you wanted, and she should've been more respectful, but isn't this progress?"

"I'm not telling anyone else," Eren replied with a tone of finality.

"Baby, she's just one person. Not everyone will take it like her. And I'm sure with time, she might realize the affects of your disorder. Not everyone gets things right away. Her initial feelings toward this aren't necessarily permanent."

Eren let out a long breath and stood up. "It'll just be easier not telling more people. If I tell people, I can't guarantee their reactions, but if I keep this to myself I can guarantee not going through that again." He stared at his feet, replaying what Mikasa had said. "It's... it's not a good thing. I'm always sick..."

"I know, baby."

Eren fiddled with his hands. "I can't tell anyone else."

Levi couldn't blame him. But he still hoped he'd change his mind. 

Eren almost went to leave the room, but stopped himself. "... I'm sorry for upsetting you and making you fight with your sister. I'm sorry for doing this on your birthday, I should've waited. I shouldn't have said anything..."

Levi walked up to him and wrapped his arms around his waist. "I don't want you to be sorry. I'm proud of you for working up the courage to tell someone. You didn't upset me, and you didn't make me fight with Mikasa. She said something out of line and I reacted, that wasn't your fault."

Eren leaned into Levi's touch, and despite his words, he still felt guilty. 

"It's been a long day. Do you want to go to bed?" Levi offered.

Eren nodded. Sleeping off the entire day sounded like a good idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa's reaction is not something that I've experienced after telling someone I have ARFID, but I've seen that it's a popular reaction amongst other people who tell someone that they have ARFID. I can't be certain, but I think that because it's not looked at as a serious problem that it doesn't receive the attention it needs.
> 
> (This is probably ending in one MAYBE two more chapters. Idk)
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter, if you did please leave a comment or kudos! My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. You can follow them for updates on my writing progress if you'd like. I didn't edit, so I'm sorry for any errors. Thanks for reading! <3


	20. Fresh Ingredients

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi begin their future together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not one of my fics until someone ugly cries. 
> 
> The last chapter!!! I don't know if I like this one. I feel like the beginning is rushed then it's over dramatic, then rushed again, and the end is so *incoherent noises* I just don't like how it flows.
> 
> Eren's "breakdown" is based off of one I kinda sorta had last year when I was like "oh shit, this might not be as bad as it gets for me." 
> 
> Sorry for all the angst! (It's not all angst) I don't edit, so I'm sorry for any errors too! Enjoy! <3

Shortly after New Years, Eren became sick again. Unfortunately, it was during the week, so he took off work for the day. Levi offered to stay home with him, or rather insisted, but Eren refused so Levi wouldn't have to miss work as well. 

Levi was due to come home soon, but Eren was stuck sitting in front of the toilet, emptying his stomach for the third time that day. Every time his body settled down, he tried so hard to eat things that wouldn't upset him. He ate apples, drank water slowly, but his health was so damaged already that one day of eating healthily wouldn't fix anything.

He leaned an elbow on the edge of the toilet, uncaring of how unhygienic it was. He needed to hold himself up somehow, as he was ready to pass out. With his other hand, he held a cold, wet washcloth to his forehead, trying to combat the heat radiating from his skin. It'd been a long time since his entire body felt this bad. But he knew he'd be better the next day. He always was.

But then he thought, that wasn't a guarantee. It was the expected pattern, but it was not a promise. And just now he realized that it never was.

He hadn't even heard Levi walk in the door, he only realized he was home when he came rushing to his side. "Eren, are you okay? Do you need help?"

Eren shook his head. He was done vomiting for now. "I'm okay."

"Do you need me to get you something?"

Eren shook his head again. "I just wanna lay down."

Levi helped him up and brought him to bed, leaving a bucket nearby and laying down with him, stroking his arm. "Take it easy. You'll be better by tomorrow," Levi whispered. He had no reason to believe otherwise. Unless Eren had something contagious, he was always only sick for a day or an evening. But Eren was having doubts. He knew that his luck wasn't assured.

Levi stayed with him the whole night, bringing him water when he asked, rewetting his washcloth, helping him to to bathroom one last time. He made sure Eren knew he was there to take care of him, and as grateful as Eren was, his anxiety grew as the night went on.

Then the next day came. And just like every other time, Eren wasn't sick anymore. But he felt like the outcome was wrong. He started to think that based on how bad he felt, he would've been sick for longer.

Later that evening, long after he and Levi both came home from work, Levi was talking with his sister on the phone. And while the conversation was dull, Eren could only think back to the last time he saw her when she made his disorder sound like nothing. Lately, his condition was all he could think about. He could go months without the topic being relevant in his thoughts, but now he couldn't think of much else. 

Levi hung up and saw how exhausted Eren looked. "Babe? You okay?"

Eren blinked out of his daze and nodded. "Yeah. It's just been a rough week."

Levi pulled him closer, kissing the side of his head. "I know, being sick is no fun. You're feeling better though, right?"

Eren nodded, though it wasn't completely true. And being sick wasn't the whole problem. "Thanks for taking care of me."

"Anything for you, beautiful." Levi kissed him again.

Eren cuddled closer to him. Although he'd lived for ages taking care of himself, he couldn't imagine how hard things would be if Levi wasn't there. 

Later that week, on Eren's last day of work before he was free for the weekend, he realized he wasn't fully awake for most of the day. Christa brought it up too. He couldn't figure out what had got him so tired, and then it hit him. He hadn't been eating much in days. This was the last thing he needed and he didn't even want to think about the planning and effort it would take to change his diet again. It wasn't even that long since he had changed his diet, so to have to do it again in such a short amount of time was so frustratingly unbearable.

Once home, Levi asked him what he wanted for dinner and he said nothing. He'd have to find new food the next day. Levi was now able to understand what that meant and felt bad that Eren had to go without. But, there wasn't anything he could do about it, so he made himself dinner while Eren watched a film, laying on the couch.

Eren couldn't focus on the film, all he could think about was how hungry he was and how unfair it felt that he had to go without until he could make it to the grocery store and scour the whole building to find something remotely edible.

He started to wonder. What if he couldn't find anything this time? He could already think of a couple things he craved, but what if the next time this happened there was nothing for him? Or perhaps not that soon, but a year down the line. There were close calls when he went weeks barely eating, and that could happen again. Or the duration of the wait could last longer than that.

Eren had never experienced them both at the same time, but what if he became sick again while he was waiting to change his diet? He'd have nothing to get rid of, and he didn't know how much damage that could do to his body. All these swarming thoughts polluted his mind and with just one problem after another that week, he couldn't keep himself together anymore.

Levi took care of his dishes, cracking his back and stretching out his arms before joining Eren. Even before he reached the couch, he could hear silent sobs, which made him walk faster to find Eren biting his fist with his eyes screwed shut and crying uncontrollably.

The sight broke Levi's heart. He sat by Eren's side and patted his shoulder. "Is it because you're hungry?" He was now more understanding of how painful it could be when running on empty, so it made sense to him to think that that was why his boyfriend was so upset.

Eren started to nod, because yes, that was a contributing factor, but then he shook his head. It was so much more complicated than that. He cried harder, processing all the worries going through his head.

"Baby, what is it?"

Eren opened his eyes and Levi's inquiries fell on deaf ears. Eren could only think of his declining health and the likelihood that it was irreversible. His cries became more panicked as it grew harder to breathe.

Levi picked up on how terrified Eren looked and couldn't wrap his head around what made him like this. "Eren? What's wrong?"

Eren breathed harshly, trying to give a comprehensible answer. "I'm not going to get better," he rasped. He'd turned pessimistic in mere minutes. Panic and adrenaline was flowing through him and he was unable to listen to reason.

"Better from what? Are you still sick?"

"I'm going to be sick... and I won't get better..." Eren said, nearly hyperventilating.

Levi started to get rather worried, this was unlike any other time Eren had been overcome with his emotions. "What are you talking about? Why are you going to get sick? You're scaring me."

Eren finally met Levi's eyes and immediately broke down into more heavy sobs. "I can't get better... with the way I eat, I'm going to get sick."

Levi calmed, but just slightly. "Eren, no. I'll be here to take care of you. You don't get sick that often, and it's over real quick. You're okay, just take a deep breath."

Eren shook his head, gasping for air. "It'll kill me... my disorder can get worse... it'll hurt me."

Levi's eyes widened. He didn't know why Eren was getting hysterical and it shook him to his core that he was talking about dying. "Don't say that, you can get better. I know that what you deal with now is absolutely awful, but I don't think it can get worse than that. It's not going to do anything worse to you than it has already."

"Yes it will!" Eren shouted more to himself than to Levi. "If I get repulsed by everything, then I'll starve... one day I might not find anything I can eat anymore, that happens to other people... they can't eat anything." After Eren had been officially diagnosed, he spent some time looking into the disorder. This meant he discovered how it worked, how he developed it, but it also meant he saw other cases of ARFID. He never realized it, but what other people suffered through had seeped into his subconscious. At the time, he thought that he was just grateful that his case wasn't as severe as other people. But now it dawned on him that his disorder could progressively get worse, and he could become like the other people with ARFID that he saw, all of which being in life threatening situations. "It could happen to me too..."

"We're not going to let that happen to you," Levi said, trying to reassure Eren and also himself. "We can... we can get you to a doctor or something."

"Doctors can't help... there's no therapy or medicine or cure for this," Eren said. "I can't get better, no matter how hard I try. What if I get organ failure? Or diabetes? Or heart disease? I don't eat good enough to keep any of that from happening... those could happen at any time... if I get that sick then I'll have to avoid certain foods. What if they're all my safe foods? Then I'll starve to death."

"Baby, we will figure something out," Levi promised. "I know you can get better, there has to be a way."

"There's nothing." Eren stared into space, the inevitability of his health decline being all he could see. "There's nothing to help me."

"Eren, this can't kill you."

"It does more than you know." Eren thought of all the extreme cases he'd seen and pictured himself in their place. "Some people with ARFID can't eat anything... they go to a hospital and they have to be fed through a tube..." Eren's breathing became ragged again. "Levi... that can happen to me... I don't want to live in the hospital! I don't want to live my life like that!"

Levi ached for Eren. He felt so helpless for him. Sure, Eren wasn't even close to being healthy, but his life wasn't anywhere near threatened at this point. He supposed he just never let it cross his mind that this could get deadly. He never imagined that this very well could be as good as it got, and Eren could get worse.

"I could be sick for the rest of my life, or this could kill me quickly out of nowhere, or I could be hospitalized..." Eren broke down again, unable to get many more words out. He couldn't understand why he never thought of any of this so thoroughly until now, but it broke him. Then he looked at Levi and applied it all to him. He didn't want Levi to be put through this either. He didn't want to lose Levi. And he didn't want Levi to have to see him in a hospital or worse.

Levi helped Eren sit up so he wouldn't choke while coughing out his breaths. "Eren, I know things have the potential to get worse, but we'll figure out something. We'll try things out, we'll talk to health experts, we'll... fuck, experiment with recovery methods, I don't know. But you'll get through this. I don't know if you can get rid of ARFID, but I'll make sure you don't get hurt like that."

Levi was making promises he couldn't keep and it only made Eren cry harder. Suffering through this on his own was bad enough, but he didn't want to put Levi through this either.

"I understand how worried you are," Levi said. "And I understand what this is doing to you—"

"Levi..." Eren blubbered, shaking his head. "I love you... and you don't know how much I appreciate everything that you always do for me..." He kept inhaling heavily between breaks, trying to breathe properly. "But... you will never understand what this is doing to me. You will never... understand how this makes me feel." All this time, he was so sure that he just wanted someone to understand what he was going through. But he was learning, just like Levi would have to learn, that unless someone else went through the exact same problems as him, they could not understand. Even so, no other person would handle it like Eren. And Eren wouldn't handle his disorder the same way other people would handle it. He didn't want Levi to understand. He wanted to him to accept that he couldn't understand, make peace with that and respect Eren's limitations. Asking anyone to comprehend something they've never gone through would be asking too much. And he couldn't have figured that out at a more inconvenient time.

Levi looked at him sadly. "But I know that this hurts you so much. And I want you to know that I get that. I get how this affects you."

With all the new worries going through Eren's mind, he had to beg to differ. "You don't know the half of it... but I don't need you to."

Levi felt hopeless with helping Eren. "What do you need me to do?"

"Nothing more than you do already..." Eren choked up again. He wished that Levi or anybody could just love him or support him so much that his disorder just went away. But it didn't work like that. There was nothing Levi could do but stand by him. And all Eren could do, seeing as there was no cure, was hope with all that he had that he wouldn't get worse. "I just... I'm so sick of this. I'm sick of no one knowing what this is, so to them I look like a freak or rude for not eating. I can't travel without having to plan what I'll eat weeks in advance. I keep getting sick all the time. I can never get healthy. I get panic attacks if I try anything. I have to order off of fucking kids menus. I could... I could get heart disease or something. Or diabetes. I could have to live in a hospital because I can't feed myself or worse... I could..."

Eren let his head fall, feeling the tears stream down freely as his heaved breaths were forced in and out. Levi pulled him into an embrace, stroking his back. There wasn't anything else he could do for him. Not at the time.

Eren grabbed tightly onto Levi, crying into his shoulder. "Levi..." He felt his boyfriend's head adjust, listening to him. "I'm scared."

Levi nodded. "I know, baby." He couldn't say it, but he was scared too. Couldn't say it because Eren needed someone to be strong right then. He couldn't imagine how frightened Eren was, knowing that something he couldn't reverse or treat could hurt him drastically. He wanted to believe so badly that there was something overlooked, something obtainable that they could do to ensure Eren's wellbeing. But there was nothing.

 

~

 

The stress of overthinking his future followed Eren for weeks. At this point in time, he was starting to consider force feeding himself things that were healthier just to ensure his wellbeing. He didn't know if he'd be successful in that attempt, but he figured it was worth it. 

He stopped Levi before he went out the door to go grocery shopping. "I'm sorry to bring this up so late, but I need to switch out everything for me on the grocery list."

Levi shut the door, raising a brow in confusion. "You changed your diet a couple weeks ago, are you alright?"

Eren shrugged. "It's just that everything I eat right now isn't good for me. It'll get me sick. I need to eat better, so I'm switching things out."

"... Can you just do that? I thought you couldn't just choose to eat right."

"I can't, and it'll be hard but this is what I have to do." Eren had made up his mind, he wouldn't be talked out of it.

Levi nodded. "Alright, if this is what you want."

Eren took the time to create a short list fruits he liked. He honestly thought the list would be bigger, but he wasn't surprised when he came up short. He did eat fruit, he liked fruit, but he had to want it in order to eat it, which wasn't often. Then, he did the same thing for vegetables. He thought that if he pulled together all the healthy things that he could stand eating and switch them with what he currently ate, then he'd get healthier. Then, he wrote down other things that he didn't find to be unbearable that were better than what he fed himself repeatedly.

Levi came home with everything he asked for. Eren, having waited for Levi to be back before he could eat, dove into the bags and searched for something appetizing. He looked and looked, and when nothing seemed remotely interesting, he settled for what appeared to be the least revolting; an apple. 

Eren and Levi packed away all the groceries and Levi looked over all the new foods Eren had requested. "There's not an awful lot of food for you. If you run out during the week, let me know and I'll pick up some more."

That was another thing Eren would miss from eating horribly. Having all his meals planned out and having comfort in knowing that he wouldn't run out of food on any given day.

"I didn't know you ate walnuts," Levi commented, putting a bag of shelled nuts into the cupboard.

"I don't," Eren said. "At least, not for years. I remember I liked them as a little kid." Eren eyed the bag and realized they were already out of the shell. He shrugged it off, he supposed they wouldn't be much different from walnuts that he'd have to crack.

Once everything was put away, Levi pulled Eren in by the waist and gave him a kiss. "You'll get better," he promised. "I'm going to help you eat right, and I'm proud of you for trying to help yourself."

Eren returned the kiss. "Thank you. I'm nervous about trying this out. I don't know if it'll work."

"Even if it doesn't, we'll keep looking for things to help you out."

Eren nodded. He was certain that this idea of his would at least improve his health slightly. He knew it couldn't get rid of his disorder, but maybe he'd be safe from illness.

 

~

 

It didn't last a week before Eren's mental health started going down hill. It felt the same as when he was in the middle period before switching his diet. He was always hungry, nothing appealed to him. More often than not, Levi would have to remind him to eat, especially since some of the fresh food he bought wouldn't last long. 

Eren wasn't starving or close to it, but he wasn't getting enough. He didn't want to eat. The only thing he ate consistently were his apples. Everything else was like a chore to eat, he felt so childish. For his vegetables, he'd only eat tiny portions at a time, unable to force more down. As for his walnuts, he tried to eat them as fast as he could, despising the taste. Within days, he became repulsed by them. Although he loved them as a child, his mother would crack them for him, but these ones came out of a bag and had a layer of 'dust' on them. He knew it was probably small pieces from the walnuts being packaged together, which was inevitable since they were exposed and out of their shells, but to him it felt like eating sawdust.

Within two weeks, he'd gotten sick three times.

He put old favorites of his on the grocery list, foods that he couldn't remember why he stopped eating them. But once they were in front of him on a plate he remembered why. Vegetables he hadn't had since his teenage years nearly drove him into a panic attack when he tried to force feed them to himself. And he'd gotten sick when he swallowed his first bite. Certain fruits he could force down with his eyes shut, but ten minutes after finishing his plate, his body rejected them. Then, he tried fixing an old recipe his mother used to make whenever she went on a health kick. Just the smell of it had him running to the bathroom.

On the days when he didn't get sick, even though he was constantly the tiniest bit hungry, his body felt better for not being fed trash. He had a bit more energy, but he didn't even pay attention to that. Even though his physical health was improving by small amounts, his mental health crashed to the ground. He began to contemplate which he valued more, his physical health or his mental health. He wasn't sure. He didn't want to have to make the choice.

Levi noticed too. He couldn't tell what was better for Eren, but he hated seeing him so uninterested with everything and hopeless. 

Levi came to sit by Eren on the couch, noticing how he was just staring into space without the television on or anything. "Eren... I'm not saying this wasn't a good idea, but I think there might be a better way to approach it."

Eren looked up at him. "How?"

"I think your mistake was diving into this full force. Maybe if you ease yourself into it, that would help. Like if you switch out a couple things at a time instead of changing your whole diet all at once."

Eren shook his head, his eyes sinking low. "That wouldn't work. If I have something available that I want, then I'll ignore anything else that's less appealing. The healthy food would go to waste, nothing would change."

Levi nodded, attempting to think of another solution. "Then how about you have mostly healthy foods stocked, and a couple comfort foods to save for after eating what's good for you. Kinda like a reward."

"It's the same problem with that. I don't have enough self control. I'd only be able to eat as little as I am now and justify that as eating well, then binge on the junk food. And that would keep going on until I abandoned eating healthy all together."

Levi hated the fact that Eren's health was at risk no matter how they addressed the situation. But he'd rather him be happy, and this wasn't cutting it. He held Eren's hand and hoped he'd listen to his suggestion. "Eren, I think you should go back to all your safe foods. I know it's not good for you, but you'd be getting enough to eat and you'd be happier."

Eren knew he was right, but he didn't want to go back. His eyes watered and his lip quivered as he considered the affects of that option.

Levi saw how much it upset him and hoped he'd do what was best for him. "I know that's not what you want to do, baby. But I really do think it's your best option."

Eren covered his eyes and shook his head. "It's not fair that I can't get better." His voice trembled with his head tilting down. "I want to be healthy so bad. I'm trying, I'm really trying. Why can't I just do things that are good for me without getting depressed or having panic attacks? I'm doing my best and I can't even eat right without getting sick. It shouldn't work like that, it's not fair."

Levi's heart broke in two. For most people, their health was entirely in their hands and if they wanted to lose weight and eat healthier, or if they wanted to laze around and eat junk food all day, it didn't matter. It was their choice. The state of their bodies and wellbeing was ultimately their choice. Eren would never even get to decide. His health was completely out of his control. If he improved his eating habits, he'd be sacrificing his mental stability. If he opted for being happy, he'd have to neglect his physical wellbeing. He could never have control over both his mind and his body. And Levi hated that he had to choose at all. He wanted Eren to be happy and healthy, not one or the other. And even still, with his disorder, Eren could never achieve perfect mental or physical health. 

 

~

 

Eren eventually went back to eating strictly safe foods. He wasn't in a state of constant turmoil like before, but he was exhausted with himself. He wasn't back to his original mental state, but he was starting to accept that he might get ill in the future. He just hoped his luck would last.

When the weather got decent again, Levi took Eren on a walk to the park to cheer him up. He missed their walks together. Levi held his hand as they started on the trail and admired all the green that was starting to come back. 

"I'm sorry I've been a pain lately," Eren said, staring at the ground and not the trees like Levi was.

"You're not being a pain. I'm just worried about you. I want you to feel better," Levi said, tugging him closer.

"It's hard to feel better knowing you might die from something that no one cares enough about to look for a cure for," Eren mumbled. He looked up to see Levi's pained expression and immediately regretted his choice of words. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—"

"Don't be. I don't blame you. I'd be just as mad if I was going through the same thing." 

They walked in silence until they reached the bridge over the pond. "They're not back yet," Eren said disappointedly at the lack of ducks in the water.

"Maybe they're off hunting for food for their young," Levi said.

Eren laughed, nudging Levi's arm. "Ducks don't hunt."

"You don't know that." Levi smiled after seeing Eren laugh again. "You ever look at a duck up close? There's something vicious in them. They could be underwater hunters."

"Have you ever seen a duck hunt underwater?"

"Have you ever seen a duck underwater long enough to say they don't hunt?"

"... Well, no—"

"They're hunters. Confirmed."

Eren let more laughter bubble up. It'd been awhile since he went out to do something fun with Levi. Or anyone. Levi put his arm around Eren's shoulders, holding him close. "We'll come back to see them once they're done with their hunting trip."

"Can you stop?" Eren chuckled.

"I'll stop when you stop laughing."

Eren rolled his eyes, shuffling away to start walking off the bridge. Levi fell into step with him and soon they shared a more comfortable silence on their walk. 

Eren had something on his mind that he'd been meaning to share with Levi for some time. He put it off because he hadn't made a decision on it yet. But he figured since they both had free time and considering that Levi could help him reach a conclusion it, it would be best to at least mention it to him. "Hey, Levi?"

"Hm?"

"There's something I've been considering doing for awhile now. I haven't made up my mind yet on whether or not I'm going through with it, but I feel like you could help me with that part."

Levi nodded, listening closely. "What is it?"

Eren waited for another couple to pass them before he answered quietly. "I've... I've been thinking about going to therapy."

Levi raised his brows slightly, then tried to put out a more impassive expression so he wouldn't deter Eren. "For your disorder?"

"Yeah." Eren nodded. "My insurance would cover it but I'm not sure if it's worth it."

"I don't think it's a bad idea. But didn't you say that there's no treatment for your disorder?"

"There isn't. Unless researchers have a breakthrough, nothing can get rid of it for me. But... I thought that therapy could at least help with how I deal with it. I don't like being depressed over possible illnesses that I can't prevent. And I don't feel like I handle how people respond to my condition really well. I may not be able to fix ARFID or get rid of it, but I want to live with it better if that's my only option."

"I think you should go for it," Levi said confidently. He couldn't think of a single thing that could go wrong. If this would help Eren, even if it was just a little, then it was worth it to him.

"You do?"

"Yeah, I mean... like you said, it can't fix everything, but it might help. If it doesn't help, then at least you'll have given it a shot. I get that there are a lot of things you can't control, but it's always a good idea to help the things you can control."

Eren had to agree with that. "Okay... I still want to think it over a little longer, but I'm pretty sure I'm gonna go through with it."

Levi grabbed Eren's hand, interlocking their fingers together. "Whatever you decide, I support you and I'll be with you through it all."

Eren couldn't take Levi for granted. He felt so lucky to have him and so grateful for all the time and love he'd given him. Levi couldn't make all his problems go away, no one could, but he stayed with him through his worst moments and listened to everything he had to tell him. And though Levi could never understand what Eren went through or what it felt like, he would be beside him during his struggles and celebrate with him during his triumphs.

"Thank you," Eren murmured.

"You don't need to thank me," Levi said. 

"I do, because... you do so much for me. So much more than you have to and more than you realize."

Levi thought he could've done more for Eren, though he wasn't sure of what. "It's nothing out of my way. I'd do anything for you because I love you."

"And I'd do anything for you because I love you too."

They were still going to face challenges and have endless struggles to overcome, but neither of them had to go through it alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end, I hope it wasn't horrible! I didn't want to make Eren recover from ARFID because as of right now, there's no treatment, hopefully that changes. And I didn't want to make it end on a super super sad note because I don't have the capacity for that.
> 
> NOTE: Not everyone with ARFID/S.E.D. is in a life threatening situation, many of us can get by fine (for the most part), but it should be noted that it's possible for it to get deadly.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who stuck with this fic or just briefly checked it out. You guys have no idea how much it means to me that so many people took interest in it. It means the world to me that you guys took the time to read my fic knowing it was to raise awareness about something I struggle with. Thank you to all of you who commented questions or just said you learned something, that was my goal with this. I could only write about my experiences, so other people might experience this very differently, but I'm glad I could give you some insight on what it's like to live with it. And thank you so much to everyone who encouraged me to post this!
> 
> I hope you guys learned something from this, even if it's something little, like the definition of this disorder. And to those of you who commented saying you think you might have this disorder, I really hope you don't because it sucks to have it. But if you do, I'm glad you know about it now and can maybe understand yourself a bit more. <3
> 
> If you liked this, please leave a comment or kudos! My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Be sure to check out my other fics if you're interested! Thank you so much for reading, take care! <3


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